DH and MIL go ahead without me?

[oliviad1986]

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

Rubbish! You still want to do nice things for your kids even when they’re grown up.

If you have a good relationship with your adult children and their partners, you treat them almost as if they’re both your kids. You wouldn’t buy a better Christmas present for your son than your DIL would you?

My DIL asked if they could join us on holiday when she discovered where we planned to go and I can’t wait as they’ll bring the grandchildren with them too. (Nope, they don’t need us to pay for them as they’re both earning good money.)

I definitely wouldn’t consider going away with just my son and leave DIL at home. That’s ridiculous. 🤨

I would probably change the meal to the lunchtime and go there, or if your children are very young, all go to somewhere family friendly to celebrate. You can then go there another time.

I think it is time we put this at the start of every new thread as every thread has this comment somewhere and frankly it is boring and it is very seldom the same thing

I would be upset. You should be celebrating his birthday so why don’t you say hey how about you babysit and we can then do a rare date night

when she doesn’t like that idea you can say well now you know how I feel so why don’t we defer until my parents are back and can babysit

I wouldn't dream of leaving my partner at home in these circumstances.

Realy unpleasant bad manners on the part of the Mil and by the H if he is happy to leave his with at home with the children rather than postponing to an another evening.

This is what my MIL would do as well!

Is there no-one else you can ask to babysit?

If not, why don't you cancel, cook a nice steak at home for the three of you and book for a few weeks time when you can get a babysitter.

If you enjoy going out for dinner regularly then you need to hire a local babysitter.

It's nice of your Dsis to do it in the past.

And the OP is his wife. Just rebook for another night. He’s not a child. He can go on a night that isn’t his actual birthday.

I can’t imagine people thinking this is ok

I think YANBU. He should want to celebrate his birthday with his wife! And his mum should understand that. Are you absolutely sure there’s no one else who can babysit?

They can go somewhere some other time. Not to the fancy restaurant that the OP arranged for her DHs birthday

I will add my two penneth worth - it'll be huge brownie points to let them go, it's a new place so might be rubbish, what better way to find out then letting others go and find out ?
Husband will be forever (well a week) paying you back and MIL will be delighted for the 'sacrifice' you've made

She gave birth to him. Gives her a few rights I reckon.

If he's spending his birthday meal out with his mum, is he also planning on sharing his birthday shag with her too?
Thought not.
He needs to sort his priorities out.

It can get repetitive true but it is blatantly true in this situation that a man posting to say:

It's my wife's birthday, we planned a meal out with my MIL, our babysitter cancelled so my MIL has suggested she and my wife go out alone would absolutely not get lots of responses suggesting that it was weird for his wife to want to spend time with her mum.

I also don't think there would be lots of comments along the lines of "she should understand her daughter is married now so her husband should come first"

I actually dread when my 2 boys grow up and meet their partner.

They’re going for a meal not to the fucking Maldives 😂

Yep .

MiL should offer to babysit.

Why should he want to celebrate his birthday with his wife (who he lives with) more than his mum, kids, friends etc?

You might as well say he should want to celebrate it with his kids and not leave them at home.

He can celebrate with OP on a different night.

His birthday should be about him and no one else and if he wants to go for a meal with his mum then that’s his choice.

I know loads of people who go out with friends on their birthday instead of partners and their DHs are fine with it because they can celebrate any other day.

And pay?

No. She could offer to babysit instead or delay the treat for when babysitting is available.

My DH would not go out with his mother for his birthday without me. He would want me to be there. I wouldn’t want to celebrate my birthday without him either.

I think it’s weird. You suggested the place then your mil said it was her treat.
all the Mil’s I know would offer to babysit as then your dh could go out with his mum the next day.

Or not be so dramatic over a dinner and just go out with her son for a couple of hours

If I was the MIL, I’d offer to babysit and send you two out to celebrate.