To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Squirm is a perfect way to describe it.

I only say it to my son.
For the first time ever, my brother said it to me when we were hanging up the phone.
And i happily said i love you too.

Deleted… not relevant to thread!

Sometimes my child will do something or say say something and quite honestly, the words “I love you” almost propel themselves out of my mouth without any prior thought whatsoever!

Same when my husband rocked up at work last week unannounced when I’d had a very emotional day with various patients struggling, and when I saw him sitting there, with a picnic supper, I don’t think I could have stopped the words “I love you” coming out of me.

Sometimes I get these waves of love for family (or one of my two closest friends of thirty years) that it would be torture for me to not say “I love you”

it really goes to show how we are all human but can be so very different. The idea of a loved one making me “squirm” when they tell me they love me is so far from my reality that until I read this thread I don’t think I’d have believed it possible! So it’s been a learning experience!

I don't think its that weird. It's just different types of people some people say love you multiple times a day and others never say it, it doesn't make the love any different. For me it was not something said while growing up but I didn't grow up feeling unloved it just wasn't said verbally but it was shown in multiple way everyday. I mean what's better being in a relationship with someone who treats you like shit but says he loves you or someone who never says it but shows you every day in the actions they take

How would you respond if he said today “I know it’s taken a long time to get there, but I love you.”

You seem to think that telling someone devalues the sentiment or even the relationship. Is that true? Or is it different for you.

Why were you surprised that your friend was dumbfounded? Did you genuinely think it is a mainstream position?

You do you.

It wouldnt work for me but I'm not you. Being unwilling to express love was the reason I left a long term partner. Wild horses wouldn't have dragged the words out of him and I ended up throwing in the towel because to me it's the fundamental part of being a human, to say the words and enjoy the feeling.

We're all different, my DH and I say we love each other several times a day, it's our thing. It doesn't matter to us what others want to do, we do us.

My parents have never told me they love me. Not that I can remember anyway. My brother and I would never say it either.

I very rarely say it to DH. I think on our wedding day, he shuffled his feet a bit, asked "do you wanna?" and I said "oh go on then". He says I love you all the time. Multiple times a day. His whole family do.

We've been together for 26yrs, raised two children - one to adulthood - and are very happy.

I say it to my DC pretty frequently however. To ds every day and DD most days.

But it isn’t one or the other, we talk about words and deeds, but it’s also deeds and words.

DP and I have said "I love you" to each other but usually when drunk and soppy. We don't really say it habitually. But I've never felt as loved in my life, and that's something you know in your bones. We're both cynical cold fish and that's OK and we suit each other. I don't think I really place importance on what people say - in my experience people say any old shit and it's actions that are real, and he certainly shows love in the ways that matter. I hope I do too.

If I put my therapist hat on I would link it to growing up in a household where "I love you" was used as a means of control by my parents, so it doesn't really have positive connotations for me.

I think suggesting that someone who tells their partner they love them frequently is trying to convince themselves their relationship is good, or that it somehow devalues the sentiment, is as silly as suggesting someone who doesn’t tell their partner they love them isn’t in a proper relationship.

I don't mean its one or the other I'm saying it's more important to show love then repeatedly say it until the word loses all meaning

I can’t imagine not telling my husband and daughter that I love them. We say it all the time, sometimes just out the blue.

For example, my husband works so hard so I don’t have to and he pays for my daughter’s pony each month. I told him I loved him so much for everything he does for us. It would be weird not to express how I feel.

Not odd at all. Some people feel umcomfortable verbalising their emotions and that’s fine.

‘What do you mean it’s taken a long time?!’

I don’t think it devalues it or adds to it.

I was surprised, yes, that’s why I started the thread. I didn’t think it was common or unusual.

Isn’t it deeds, not words?

That said there’s no harm in both. It’s just that deeds is clearly the more important one.

In my marriage we say it a lot. When we say it we mean it and it has never become meaningless to us. Actions are more important, but words are important to us, too.

I don't know why you would make a judgment that people who say it a lot are insecure of trying to convince themselves they are in a loving relationship. I think that says a lot more about you trying to convince yourself if anything.

I would be a bit pissed off though if I forgot to say it before leaving the house and then got a text pulling me up on it.

As for OP, I think it is unusual and it wouldn't be for me, but if youre both happy then it isn't a problem.

My DH and I rarely say it. My mother never once said it to me, and I never said it to her.

Apparently The No. 1 phrase in successful relationships: 'Thank you'
😇

and he replies “I didn’t want to say those words, when I wasn’t sure that I meant it. Certainly I’ve liked you a lot since the start. I take it, it isn’t reciprocated. Thanks.”

If this was the intensity with which he thought and acted I’d be shot of him in a heartbeat. No thanks.

I’m curious about the deeds the two of you do to show your love for one another op?

Only because not living together and no intention to ever life together must mean less opportunity to show love through deeds I’d imagine