To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

I don’t think you’ll ever be called upon to have the decision anyway so don’t need to give it any thought anyway !

No one has
you asked if strange
some have said “hell yeah” when they have heard more detail

one for hyperbole in Rl? “Whipped in to a frenzy” 😆

Your friend found it “mind blowing”!

Would love to carry on our chatting Op 😊

but I’ve got to clean the wretched bow 😢

I think you’ve told me this 10 times now. I continue to agree, but you seem determined to keep repeating it.

Are you just recapping the thread? Had a bit of wine with dinner?

Yes, probably best you have a lie down. You can ponder further why you’re so unhappy.

It's not the not walking a traditional path for me, my husband and I were together a decade before we got married.

It's not the living apart, I know a few people for whom that works brilliantly

It's the 'ive never directly asked him' when asked what he wants from the future, it's the lack of seeming intimacy. Do you sleep together? Are you intimate? Or is it like you go for nights out or on dates weekly? Because I don't see how that is a committed relationship?

It would be different too if you were saying 'wr know each other inside out, we talk about everything we're there for each other emotionally' but you seem to very much NOT be saying that. I can't quite understand what does make it a relationship? If it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual... What are you to one another exactly? I feel like I'm missing something altogether

If it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual... What are you to one another exactly?

Have you read any of my posts?

Why have you just invented this?

It's this sort of thing, 5 yrs and you don't know how his family interact or how he feels about it

It reads like he's a casual acquaintance, you don't seem to talk about anything below the surface.

He barely knows how his family act.

How have you got ‘it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual...’?

You do t THINK he's keen on living together, how do you not k ow the answer to this after 5 yrs?

I know some people are stupid and they can’t help that, but this is a staggering amount of incomprehension if you’ve actually read my posts.

I don’t think he’s hugely keen on living together, because when we have discussed it we’ve semi joked that it would have to be a house big enough for two reception rooms, our own bathroom, big enough not to hear each other have company back of an evening.

But I’ve said this exact sentence about 20 times. Read the thread.

Well, yeah, because in the intimacy of a committed relationship sharing how we feel about each other feels natural a d easy and intimate. Sharing it with a bunch of strangers happily but never having that connection with the person you supposedly love so much is absolutely weird. And almost definitely indicates harm done by emotionally cold parenting as the op describes.

Any advance on why you invented ‘it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual...’ from the top of your head?

they vaguely discussed once that if we ever moved in together it would be a detached house with enough room for us to have our own sitting room and bathroom.

one semi joking chat in 5 years. I think the Op is completely reasonable to assume that he’s not “hugely keen” on moving in together!

They were not emotionally cold. Why the fuck are you making shite up?

Have you directly said to him something like'listen, I'm happy how we are now and happy for it to continue forever but I never want to cohabit and I'm just checking we're on the same page and no one's wasting anyone's time?' because I can't imagine going 5 years and never planning for the future at all.

What are your future plans together? If you're monogamous and committed and planning for forever, have you talked about finances long term? About where you want to live geographically long term about retirement? About career plans and how that may I fluence things? It just all sounds very like and extended version fo the relationships we all had as teens when emotionally immature

👋

Planning for the future, discussing the emotional motivation for your actions, the living of shared experiences etc you just don't seem to have this or if you do it for St come across in what I'm reading and I'm 5 pages into the 8 pages of 1 line responses and deflections you e posted

Do you have any form thoughts on anything? Marriage is not for you but you probably would if he asked.

It's all so very very surface, I don't know exactly but it's as if you haven't got an ability to think properly for yourself and communicate your wants, needs or emotions. Nothing of what you say here sounds emotionally healthy.

And I don't meant he not living together and the practicalities of your life I mean the emotional, intellectual etc side. It's really odd

Yeah, I'd assume that too but I'd also not assume I was in a committed and long term relationship if we couldn't have a proper chat about anything beyond a joking comment on 5 years. That's nuts

I missed the single response where you said you had sex. Everything else sounds the opposite of affectionate and intimate