To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

I hear it said all the time on quick update phone calls etc. To me it has become a bit of a throwaway remark even if well meant

isn’t this thread very identifying OP? You’ve told us you’re both in mid thirties, together 5 years, both both live in houses that are a 10 minute walk from one another, don’t spend Christmases together, you go away on holiday on Boxing Day every year, he loves painting, he had one girlfriend before you, you have lost a parent, you have a sibling with two children…. Etc etc.

Cant be many out there!

I’m not really bothered if it is.

I think it’s pretty normal in British families. We’ve never said it in our family either.

I’ve always found it massively cringey when someone says, ‘I love you’. I think because it just wasn’t normal in my family. It’s the sort of thing I associate with Americans being over emotional and cheesy in their displays of affection.

“I don’t care”
”I’m not really bothered”

Should be inscribed on your headstone.

I can understand feeling that way about whether or not you have a starter or straight to main course, but to not be bothered or don’t care whether or not your partner of 5 years has ever said I love you before asking you to marry? About whether or not you ever live with your partner? About whether or not you ever marry your partner? Is curious

Have you ever had any kind of psychological evaluation?

You don't think your parenting affected you and yet you have never told your partner of 5 yes you love him and are not in what most of us would see as a committed relationship. You say you don't want more but why would you? Noones ever taught you to value how someone feels towards you. You're so disconnected from emotion it sounds almost sociopathic

I think that is unfair

Why wouldn’t you think the same then about her partner? Given he is precisely on the same page as the Op and equally doesn’t seem bothered?

Well, this is total bollocks. I had a very happy and secure childhood with two parents who were happy together for 40 years. I very much value how people feel about me. And I would say I was in a very committed relationship.

I just don’t care about hearing them say it.

It transpires you also “don’t care” or “not bothered” about living together or getting married to him so it’s more than just about hearing the words I love you

I do care about living with him. I care very much that it would be to the detriment of how I currently live.

No, I don’t care about getting married. What would it materially change for me? Other than having a party which I would enjoy.

Their relationship seems perfectly committed to me.

To suggest somebody has a psychiatric evaluation because their relationship does not look how you think it should look is peak MN.

Ignore them. People here are closeminded. Because they would not want to live separate from a partner they cannot fathom that for other people that is a better way for organising their relationships. Like you I dislike living with romantic partners and I don’t see the issue with that.

And?

What on earth is wrong with not wanting to marry or live with somebody full time?

You were asked *Would you want to live with him op?*and you responded
Probably not. I like having my own space and I’m used to it. Maybe if we bought somewhere where we could each have a living room.

so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

two reception houses… lots about? And given you both have a house each, combine budget and shouldn’t be like looking for a ruby in the dust. But I suppose looking for it would require a real motivation to make the change from both being “very happy” with the status wuo, so makes zero sense anyway!

Why is it curious? Some people don’t care about marriage and prefer not to have somebody not their living space 24/7

Absolutely nothing.

I was just pointing out the thread wasn’t just about not caring about the words I love you and nor him to op. Because many people have said they too don’t care, but it has been said at least once in the past

It was an appalling post

so if you never find somewhere with two living rooms, you won’t move in together? And even if you do, it would be “maybe”

Yes, that’s right. What’s the issue? Why does it bother you?

It was just about that. But weirdos have derailed it by insisting on knowing whether we sleep together/holiday together/socialise/will marry/talk about kids etc etc etc. And then when answers have not fit with their idea of what they like in a relationship, have insisted it isn’t one.

It was been very strange and mildly amusing.

I think if after more than 5 years together it would only be a “maybe” even if perfect house came along….. best to just stick with the status quo of being being very happy

Quite a few of us have found this thread and the picture that has emerged as “very strange”.

amusing? No. Curious

Why do you think couples need to live together?

Did you read my post?

I said that if it was only ever a “maybe” if perfect house came along with the two reception rooms, sound proofing etc, then stay with the status quo of being “very happy” and living separately

and you interpreted this as me saying a couple need to live together? 😕

Okay 😂 Well thanks for that unsolicited advice. I will certainly bear in mind what Productiveweek from Mumsnet thinks if ever it comes to making a decision.

You misunderstand me. The posters who have whipped themselves into a frenzy about a stranger’s decision not to walk a traditional path have been amusing.