To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

No, I don’t. I didn’t think saying I love you was necessary at the start. I don’t think it now. I don’t think I ever will.

Exactly this.

@PointsSouth have you and your husband ever said it to one another?

All the posters who have a similar outlook on saying I love you Op… live together, are all married and with kids and appear to have said it at some point in the past.

I think it the absence of any of those features that means posters are curious about how you can 100% know for absolute certainly that he loves you

I think I’ve said many times now that I know it by the way he acts.

But if I’ve miscalculated and he thinks he doesn’t, I honestly don’t really care as long as we continue to be as happy as we are.

You said that you’d probably say yes if he asked you to marry him. Would you say yes without him ever having told you he loved you?

Probably, yes. I haven’t thought particularly hard about it, it’s a hypothetical situation. But I wouldn’t say no because he hadn’t said the words ‘I love you’. They don’t mean anything to me.

i don’t think it will be tested but I don’t see many people have said yes to a marriage proposal without the other person ever having said I love you to them! Would make the marriage vows tricky 😆

It’s strange and very sad.

Yes, it’s very sad when people are very happy.

It probably won’t be. I really don’t care.

Just two people in their mid thirties who don’t really care about ever saying the word love to one another, don’t really care whether they ever live together, don’t really care whether they marry or not. Ah, it warms my heart!

let me guess…. He’s a big gamer?! Obviously you’ll say no to this but I would bet a lot that he is!

And you don’t care if you have “miscalculated ” and he actually does not love you …. And that takes this thread to another level of interest!

There is a lot to be said for having zero expectations. It is highly unusual though.

Assuming that there is a good level of emotional intelligence, I’d have thought (given OP’s age) he would be checking that she is still OK with things as they are, and isn’t wondering about children before the opportunity is lost. Yet it seems they are both happy to NOT talk about any of those big, life questions. Curious!

Before the miscarriage Op, did he know you were pregnant? What was his reaction?

He is definitely not! He likes reading, cricket, football, painting, golf etc. He’s got loads of friends and hobbies. He’s not sitting in his bedroom gaming.

But if he wanted to do that, it’s up to him.

I have never said that we haven’t spoken about children.

He does that I’m a grown adult, not a child who is frightened to communicate if I’m unhappy.

He did know, yes, I told him, straight away. It wasn’t particularly happy for either of us because we’d both known for a long time that we didn’t want children. But he understood it was my choice and he’d be supportive of any decision I made.

It was horrible actually because it was over Christmas so very difficult to get appointments to talk to anyone, but in a way nature made the choice so I didn’t have to in the end.

Are you affectionate with one another? Do you talk about your feelings on things in general? Are you open about other emotions just not love?

I am so so sorry. How long did he know for? Did he say anything about how it would work in practise when he thought the pregnancy was going ahead?

Such a difficult time of year to be facing this

Definitely affectionate. I wouldn’t say talking about emotions is a huge part of our lives but we tell each other is were upset or angry or happy about things that happen in our lives.

About a month. He didn’t know whether it was definitely going ahead or not because I was never sure, and it was just impossible to get appointments. It wasn’t a nice time. I never doubted he would step up though, despite knowing that it would never have been his choice.

Did he give any indication during those weeks about his involvement if you did go ahead? Ie did he reassure you….. “if you do go ahead, then you should move on with me or vice versa until we find somewhere more suitable? Did he say that he’d be there for you and the child as a partner and father if you chose to go ahead? Did he go to the appointment with you? Was he with you when you were going through the miscarriage? Or did he just say he knows it is your decision and he will support your decision?

because these are the action that show love, not buying you a couple of books he think you’d enjoy

Did he say that he’d be there for you and the child as a partner and father if you chose to go ahead? Did he go to the appointment with you? Was he with you when you were going through the miscarriage?

To all of this, yes.

if you do go ahead, then you should move on with me or vice versa until we find somewhere more suitable?

He didn’t say this, and it absolutely wouldn’t have been helpful for where I was mentally at the time.