To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Tbf she never had kids because she stayed with him. Presumably she didn’t have a gun to her head

🙄🙄

Yes, it is a massive risk for women to choose not to have kids because it’s what their partner wants. It’s not as risky for men.

You did see my follow up saying i was just messing with you?!!

OP, it’s certainly not commonplace for a 5 year plus relationship of two people in mid thirties, I think you can agree with that? But it works for you, and that is all that matters

this

Apologies, not until after I replied.

It’s only the never that I find strange

of course, but she did believe your brother, who was lying.

He didn’t believe it was nonsense and just words at all. Those words were actually very important to him and he really did not treat her honorably at all.

I’m totally confused by this.

The poster said her brother never said I love you and vice versa and they never lived together

that relationship ended

and in the new one he clearly did say he loves her as they moved in together, married and had a child together

where is the lying?

and what’s your knowledge of what is meaningful to your BIL or not?

Confused !

The lying was saying it is “nonsense and just words” i.e. meaningless.

Presumably that is how he felt with her

and then he met someone that made him realise it wasn’t just words

Really simplistic way of looking at it tbh

Yeh but unless he’s significantly lacking in self awareness he no doubt could have been more honest with himself and her about his indifference. Presumably the relationship suited him in the short term so he didn’t bother.

Maybe she has gone on to marry and have children and is now in this very thread talking about how she never said I love you to an extent but now says it every day to her husband

Yeh you are right, I was conflating the story where the woman never had a chance for a family and then died.

I’m confident he’s not going to marry and have children with another woman. If he did though, I still wouldn’t want kids.

I never said never in a month of Sundays for marrying. I probably would if he asked.

Yes that’s what I’m very much sensing

I think to ask someone to marry you having never ever said that you love that person would be… yep I’m going to say it “strange”

He knows I love him though. I know he loves me.

Well you both strongly think that you love each other other based on actions

that isn’t the same as “know”

and it’s a bit weird that you think it would be completely not strange for someone to ask his girlfriend of more than 5 years to marry him and yet neither person has ever said they love one another

in any event, being “I am indifferent to marriage” probably isn’t the best start

It’s as close to knowing as anyone ever can be, unless you think that saying the words automatically make them true.

He probably won’t ask. I don’t really care.

All good then. And yes I think you’re probably right from what you’ve said throughout

I have been married 23 years and could count on one hand how often my DH has said the words ' I love you' but I am someone who strongly believes that actions speak louder than words. I have friends who say' love you' every 5 minutes to partners and I personally feel that just demeans the sentiment as it becomes just something you say. My husband lost his family when he married me( very controlling mother who had a more suitable, wealthy suitor lined up and thought my family had nothing to offer!!) I KNOW he loves me as he gave up everything to be with me. ❤️❤️