To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Because they were young when they married. I don’t know, I just think they will have.

I can’t imagine telling my parents that he had or hadn’t said it.

What bit of my post makes your feel suffocating?

Oh, it’s interesting you think that they would told one another they loved one another because they were young.

Well no, that would be odd in view of everything!

All of it, to be honest. The idea of getting texts to say that also someone wanted is to be back with me, the idea of wanting to be back with someone as soon as I’d left. It would be far too intense for me but obviously lots of people would be happy.

I totally get not saying I love you very often Op

But never? Never ever never? That is unusual (NOT strange and NOT weird!) as even if this thread includes lots of posters saying they very rarely say it or their parents never said to them or they have t said it to their partner in years…. But no poster has actually said the words have never ever been uttered between them

I wonder if I’ve asked the right question really. Maybe I should’ve asked whether anyone else cares whether it said to them or not. There must be some other people in relationships who’ve never said it to each other. How long would couples normally give it?

I think if you start a thread asking if any one is in a 5 year plus relationship and neither party has ever not once said “I love you”

it would be tumble weed

i have said it to 3 different people.

First boyfriend at 18…. I said after maybe 6 months

second boyfriend at uni…. About 6 months again I reckon, maybe longer

My husband…. 5 weeks

The first time I said it was to a boyfriend of four years after I think a few months. I don’t think I ever once meant it. Then to a second boyfriend of a few months after several weeks and didn’t mean it then either.

And now I feel it, I don’t say it. Hasn’t thought about it like that before.

to all three, I have meant it deeply

never more so than at 5 weeks to my husband

Why say it if you don't mean it?

Words are only cheap and meaningless if we make them that way.

I wonder if your boyfriend has ever said it to someone in the past? I don’t suppose you’ve discussed though!

Well it’s polite, isn’t it? Their earnest little faces trying to tell you something ‘romantic’. Would feel harsh not saying it back.

Although the first one was abusive and it wasn’t worth it to try and do anything other than say what I knew he wanted me to.

Nah we haven’t. He did have a serious girlfriend back in his early 20s so maybe he did to her. That’s his only other relationship so there won’t have been anyone else he’s said it to.

Right, well yet another thing that I see very differently then. I've had partners say they loved me and it's taken me ages to say it back - I've only ever said it when I'm certain.

Clearly words don't mean much to you - and I really don't say that to be rude, we all place value on different things. If for you "I love you" are throw-away words that you don't believe, then I suppose it makes sense that you'd avoid saying them to someone you care about. Great that you've met someone compatible.

you seem pretty darn comfortable with telling mumsnetters how deeply you love him! 😆

I do love him! Posting online is very different.

No, I don’t take that offensively at all. It makes a lot of sense. Words just don’t mean much to me.

It’s two people in a relationship for 5 years

the op loves him and feels loved by him

neither of them have ever said or will say it (unless it suddenly doesn’t make you “squirm and feel “uncomfortable”!)

No plans to ever move in together (and never in a month of Sundays marry!) and don’t discuss it as a plan for the future. “Very happy” living apart and “doesn’t think” that will ever change.

OP, it’s certainly not commonplace for a 5 year plus relationship of two people in mid thirties, I think you can agree with that? But it works for you, and that is all that matters

Anyone who starts a thread asking such a question, then proceeds to post hundreds of updates, repeatedly telling us that she really truly madly loves her boyfriend but just never said it in 5 years to him, and indifferent ever living with him

is gagging for said partner to say “I love you” to her and / or suggest they move in together

Just messing with you OP! 😆

It wouldn’t work for me but it suits you so 👌

My brother was like this with his long term girlfriend…. The two of them didn’t live together after 8 years together and very doubt doubt they ever said I love you to one another , he was always “oh it’s nonsense and just words”

today is nearly 4 years after they broke up…. He, his wife and they 1 year old are coming to visit this weekend!!

Yikes!

My sister was the wife in that situation. My BIL is mud to the exes family, she never had kids because of him, and she certainly never forgave him before she passed away.