To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

As sure as I can be. But if he wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think he did… I’m not really sure I’d care, if I’m completely honest.

I would never be moving my whole life for him. Not in a million years.

Absolutely. I have no doubt that part of the reason we’re happy is because when we see each other we’re having fun, not doing domestic chores or arguing about them.

We both live alone. We live about a two minute drive or ten minute walk apart, two streets away.

Oh you take the rough with the smooth when you move in together

yep… more causes to argue
but… when you love someone and want to live with them - the “smooth” is bloody awesome.

I’m sure many people are very happy living together too. I’d be tempted if we were to buy somewhere that had two living rooms, enough noise insulation that either of us could bring friends back when we wanted, and our own bathroom.

Anyway, my only view on this is that it’s good you have found one another as whilst I could grasp that feeling uncomfortable with saying I love you when you were never told as a child is probably not uncommon as this very thread reveals, it is uncommon to be in mid thirties, 5 years in and have no intention of living together at all.

so my point is, it’s pretty great you both found someone very local, who doesn’t want to live with anyone, who doesn’t want children, and doesn’t want to ever say I love you!

Well that is easy surely

you buy a two bed and one of the bedrooms is used as a second living room

and you buy somewhere with two bathrooms

i mean… that is a two bed two bath room gaff op…. Hardly uncommon!

I’m very lucky to have found him. After a few high emotion romances, this very slow burn grew out of a friendship we had for years before anything happened between us. It hasn’t had the intensity of a love affair, it almost snuck up out of nowhere, and it is great.

Fair enough OP then you do you! Sounds healthy tbh x

I’ve got a two bed and he a three bed now.

I wouldn’t want to be sitting in a second bedroom using that as my living room 😂. I was thinking more somewhere with two proper, downstairs reception rooms. And, as I said, with enough room that either of us could have friends back whilst the other is in bed and not disturb each other.

Thanks! The more push back I’ve had on this thread the more confident I am that it’s right for me.

Again very easy

just two receptions rooms, loads around.

Anyway you said were “indifferent” as to whether you ever lived with him. Given that, and you like the current set up and he does too… doesn’t make sense to change it if “indifferent”. Why change when you have just said you are “very happy” with the current set up and clearly not hankering for anything more from him and vice versa

Stick with it then, all good. No need to be “tempted” to move In together when you’re actually “indifferent”

Are you okay? You seem very offended by everything I’m saying.

I don’t know when you last checked the housing market, but houses with three+ rooms, two reception rooms, two bathrooms and large enough to not be heard by someone downstairs when you’re in bed are not cheap.

So if he got a job opportunity that meant instead of a 10 minute walk from one another, you were… a flight away or a very long drive, I wonder if that would that be the end or would you do long distance knowing that always going to be long distance?

Offended??

OP I think the two of you sound very compatible and given you’re indifferent to living with him and yet very happy with current set up… why change what’s not broke!! How is that being offended!

Can’t say I’ve looked
and wouldn’t have thought you would have looked either 🤷

anyway I’ll leave you to it. It’s a very compatible relationship so all good

I wouldn’t do long distance and he wouldn’t move to another country or area.

I love looking at houses.

Okay, well thanks for that.

My parents never told us (or each other I think) that they loved us. I haven't hugged either parent since I was about 10. They are happily married, we had a happy childhood- we just don't go in for displays of affection to each other.
I was quite uncomfortable hugging in general due to my upbringing and only now like hugging/saying I love you to my partner and children (although one of my children has autism and doesn't like hugs or I love yours either).
It doesn't matter! So long as you are both happy that's fine as it is.

Same with the hugs. I can’t stand them.

Even from your boyfriend?

Oh no! I love being physically affectionate with him.

Sounds like you need either side of a semi-detached.

What actually IS the benefits of living with someone though ( I've been in various situations covering most bases) and tbh can see the benefits of living with someone