To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

HUGE in Japan

full of love songs

point is…. Saying i love you is now very much part of the culture in Japan. Maybe not decades ago, but Japan is very different now

Quick google… apparently there’s 77 ways
to say I love you in Japanese

learn something new every day! 😆

What? And after she's been interrogated and she says she's very happy, they've been together 5 years but don't want to live together and she doesn't want kids get sneeringly told she's not in a relationship at all and doesn't love him.

That seems okay to you?

Righto.

you ask whether your relationship is “strange” in AIBU, brace yourself for some forthright opinions! 😆

Her friend in real life said she found it “mind blowing”

If said friend had written that on this thread….. 😦

Op, so even during love making there’s no mention of loving each other? Neither of you have ever blurted it out even durung ‘that’ moment?

What a narrow minded, nasty outlook on life.

Similar with my parents-never told this, but it was fundamentally known-we are still close and never really say it-I have tried to say it to them, but they tend to look at me sideways, and it’s awkward. I accept this isn’t the way our relationship works 😆
i’ve been with my partner for 10 years & he tells me he loves me all the time. He tells his kids this, and will say it to my children. My kids will say it to me, even my 16 year old DS 😁. DP is also a hugger-I’m not, particularly. And, truthfully, being explicitly told you’re loved, and hugged by the people you love, is actually amazing. I feel cherished, and, err, loved. I have definitely tried to change with kids/partner & say it to them as much as possible (it doesn’t necessarily feel natural) because I want them to feel how I feel when it gets said to me 😊
I think the idea of it not meaning anything if it gets said too often-language is about more than words, so you’ll instinctively know when it’s not meant by all the other cues.
But however your relationship works for you is the right way for you, as long as you feel loved and cherished 😊

Yes, my mother died less than two years ago, and I’ve had a miscarriage and been made redundant. They were all dealt with what I would consider normally.

You can like love songs without being comfortable uttering the words “I love you”.

I’ve had the same with my friends. Lovely gushing paragraphs in cards about how much the friendship means. I just write ‘happy birthday’.

Nope.

I confess I find this absolutely fascinating.
Again, no offence intended at all, but do you think you are generally (considered to be) a bit of a ‘cold fish’? Do you speak with affection to anyone? Friends, siblings etc?
Or write with any affection to anyone?

What do you mean by speaking with affection?

Do you tell anyone for example that you think they’re amazing, or that what they’ve achieved is amazing?
Do you say that you’re proud of anyone? Or that they should be proud of themselves?

That sort of thing.

that must take some self control from both of you.

It doesn’t - it has never crossed my mind. I say plenty of other stuff to him in bed.

I don’t tell people they’re amazing, no. I wouldn’t normally tell adults I’m proud of them either, although I would say it to my two little nieces. Funnily enough, being proud is one that my mother would say to me.

If you mean affection to mean gushy with words, then I’m not.

Very interesting. Sounds like both you and your partner are emotionally unavailable and hence your relationship works even though this would not acceptable to many people.

At least, you are on the same page together. The not saying ILY is very weird to me but you do you! Don't agree your relationship is FWB, it's the kind of relationship that works for you both.

My best guy friend is like this. I 'know' he loves/cares for me (20 year friendship) but I definitely don't feel it. Those are two different things. I have to look at his actions to know it to be true, its not like that with other friends and my family where I 'feel' the love. It is harder work but it sounds like that's what you grew up with so it's normal to you.

I find it mind blowing to have never said it. My husband and I are the type who say it all the time, but I understand not everyone does. But to have never said it at all is very unusual.

Please say it to your children (if you have/will have any) even if you think they know it. My parents very rarely or never said it to me and it is a real hurt to me even now.

This isn’t the same as your guy friend. I do feel the love. I feel it from my partner and from my parents.

Interesting that it’s a hurt to you that your parents didn’t say it. Sorry to hear that. It never bothered me at all.

Was it a contraceptive fail OP?

Maybe because you literally never heard them saying it
Whereas that poster heard it “very rarely”, so she knew she liked it when she did hear them say it?

I first told DP I loved him just so he would know I was serious about him. He's not an effusive person, so I didn't expect a response, I just wanted him to know. He said it two months later by text, I know it was hard for him to say. Now there's an "I love you" at least once a day from both of us, sometimes many times, I guess from me it's because I want him to know it