To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

you are very happy to say on this thread that “I love him”

but you would squirm and shudder if you or he ever said in RL to each other.

That is the only thing I find “strange”

I just don’t like those types of conversations.

But if you’re happy to write “I love him” multiple times on mumsnet, I’m surprised you haven’t written to him at any point in last 5 years in a message “I love you”

as I say… it’s only your staunch “I love him” on this thread that I find strange given the crux of the thread

Why pleased? You know your parents loved you. Isn’t that enough? So why would you be pleased you aren’t the only one?

She only got annoyed with the poster that said her relationship was more FWB , which obviously it’s not ..

Well, perhaps this might be stating the bleeding obvious, but it is possible to do both. DH makes me feel very loved and cherished. But he also tells me he loves me all the time, and we’ve been together 12 years.

Oh for god’s sake 😂

Thank you! It is the modus operandi of some posters on Mumsnet. Be exceptionally rude and then act offended when the OP replies in kind.

Yeah and that’s great. I just think it’s the how he makes you feel which is a lot more important than what’s said, but obviously no harm if it’s both.

You’ve repeatedly and forcefully told a bunch of strangers that “I love him”
but not once in 5 years actually said or written the words to him.

Yep, it’s that which I find strange

I know, you’ve already said.

I am like you OP. I can discuss with others how I feel about somebody but saying it aloud feels awkward, forced and cringe to me.

Yep, exactly this. I used to hate when exes wanted to have emotional chats.

It's cultural and there are entire nations for whom it would be unusual to say it in families. And there are some families where it's unusual to say it in the UK. I can't remember if my parents said it but I assume they did from time to time. I have said it to all long term partners and I now say it all the time to my kids and my partner usually multiple times daily. It connects us and I want them to know how much they are loves and that I'm feeling love for them in that moment. I think for some it would feel uncomfortable usually down to their family background and I find that sad. It's true it's not the only way to show someone your love but it's an important one to me. But it's cultural so I appreciate others won't interpret it in the same way.

What “entire nations” where it would be “unusual” for a parent to ever say to their child “I love you” or someone say to their loved one “I love you”?

I also don’t think words are meaningless- they certainly wouldn’t be if the words were nasty, and having lived with someone who said things they “didn’t mean” I’m really sceptical when people say words mean nothing, with the (usually unintended) implication that their own words should have low value put on them.

How would you describe your communication more generally, around ‘intense’ emotions. Have either of you suffered a bereavement whilst you’ve been together? or had set backs at work? What do you think would happen if one of you had a frightening health crisis - can you imagine squirming if he received a death sentence prognosis and started to cry?

I guess the general question is : are any intense emotions given space in your relationship, or is evidence of having an interior life a deal-breaker for you?

FFS MN is getting worse with derailing threads poking noses into things the OP never asked about.

She asked for people's opinions on a particular question. She didn't ask for randos online to question her about her relationship and pass judgement on it.

She asked whether her relationship was “strange”

naturally posters are going to ask questions about said relationship in order to answer the question from their perspective

Surely you can see that saying 'I love him' on MN or to a friend is totally different to saying 'I love you'.

These threads always fill up with people who act as if it's outrageous that somebody should think and feel differently to themselves. (Edited to add that I'm not directing this at you @Easyonaweekend)

I feel uncomfortable saying these kinds of things, and possibly even more so having them said to me. A friend recently told me in a very heartfelt way how glad she was to have met me. I was touched, don't get me wrong, but I found the situation extremely awkward and I'd have rather she hadn't said it.

No one is saying it’s “outrageous”

the OP asked “is it strange”

Sone posters, indeed like her friend in RL, have essentially said that “yes, I do find it strange”. But that’s gone down like a sack of shit with some!

And honestly… I am baffled that someone is very happy to tell others, on mumsnet and indeed in RL (her friend) that she loves her boyfriend, but after 5 years has never felt so inclined to either write it or say it to her boyfriend himself.

I don’t think it’s “outrageous” or anything akin to that.

China and Japan are just a couple of examples. I watched a skit recently which joked about German people not saying it, I don't know how true that one is.

Ich liebe dich

my husband is German. I can assure you that it is very very much part of their culture!! 😆

Japanese? Have you heard of k pop? Japanese very very very popular pop music. SO many love songs!!

Kpop? As in Korean? What's that got to do with Japan?