Petrol money - girls trip

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Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

I think it’s easy to disregard. I don’t charge for petrol but expect it to balance out at some point. I carpool dc a lot. For a longer one off journey, I’d absolutely offer/ insist.

I use mileage as a rule of thumb so if it was 100 mile round trip and there were two of us in the car. I’d give them twenty and buy the coffees. My DS went on a 150 mile trip (sporting fixture). Four boys in the car so I suggested £15 each for the passenger boys. The driving parent was all no I’m going anyway but we transferred it anyway. They did appreciate it though and whatsapped the picture of the fancy Costa they were enjoying at the match.

In a way it’s less that they are going anyway but of valuing the time saved for you of not having to get public transport. It’s not a huge amount but a recognition they are doing you a favour and a sharing of costs saved ( not paying your own petrol)

I’m in a friendship group of 5 and if we share cars we always split fuel, it isn’t fair that one person is paying for the travel in my opinion. We just fill the tank up, do the driving, and then when back at the end - fill the tank up again and then you just split whatever that cost was. Or if you want you can guesstimate of course.

Look at the journey distance round trip on google maps or similar

50 to 100 miles offer £10
100 to 150 offer £15
150 to 200 offer £20
etc.

I wouldn't charge a friend for fewer than 50 miles. but I guess £5.

I wouldn’t ask my friend but she would insist on paying anyway. Would you?

Stop freeloading and pay your friend petrol!

Also provision of snacks does not offset petrol money. You can't pay a driver in crisps.

Different cars and different journeys vary wildly on how much fuel they get through - just ask her how much she would like towards fuel - or if she would prefer to wait and see how much it actually costs before splitting it (and make sure you keep some cash back so that you can pay her!). Don't transfer an arbitary amount, and don't base it on a train ticket (although do look up just for yourself how much a train ticket would be, complete with taxi or bus transfer if needed so you can appreciate how much less you're paying by contributing half of a petrol tank!).

Just ask what she wants by way of petrol money so you can budget for your trip next month but have already bought snacks for rather bizarrely

Snacks are a top priority let’s be honest

They are but she will probably bring snacks too.

It's not like the driver normally doesn't bring snacks on a girls trip so I would say that & the petrol money are 2 separate issues.

Is it a kind gesture if you want her to pay for it?
I’ve a friend with epilepsy and there’s no way I’d invite her out and expect her to pay petrol money or parking.

I'm going away in a few months with some girl friends. I'm driving and not charging them. All they have to do is get to mine before I leave that day (some live about an hour away though). I'd be driving anyway so no difference to me.
BUT I get why she asked and I would pay if asked.

So how were you going to get there free? It'll probably be less than trainfare. Pay your way.

If she didn’t ask, you should have offered it anyway and just handed it over. Surely you planned to do that?
Thank goodness she asked; seems she knows you well enough to know that you wouldn’t offer it.

On a serious note thank you all. Maybe (definitely) I have a weird attitude to money. I would personally prefer to pay for a nice lunch then transfer money, that’s on me and I take that onboard. I will ask how much and pay.

You've taken a bit of a battering (as is usual on mumsnet) - fair play to you for taking it on the chin and adjusting your expectations as a result!

You're welcome and fair enough.

You might want to ask MN to close your thread now (by pressing the report button) or people will keep replying without reading your updates repeating the same old stuff.

My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship.

What????

Does he think she's cheeky for asking?

When I go away with friends I always offer petrol money.

If they don't accept I buy a meal/drinks as a thank you for driving.

If you want to pay what the train cost go by train. Otherwise pay your share. No one likes a CF.

If we ever go somewhere and are splitting fuel costs, we start with a full tank and then if it can be done in one tank then we fill up again when home and split that cost by number of people in car including driver.
if you need to fill up multiple times then split that too

Hold on. You were going to pay petrol money on the way anyway? This is more about her asking upfront?
And you are paying for other 'extras', snacks etc. Is she doing any of that?

I would never ask for petrol money now I am significantly beyond the teenage new driver stage of life. My friends usually buy me a bottle of wine of box of chocolates instead. Or we do the 'no, no money needed', 'I insist', 'no no' dance, until I give in and take a tenner just to stop them feeling awkward. And then I end up spending it on buying them coffees anyway.

I haven’t read the full thread, but when I go away/anywhere with my friends I am usually the nominated driver. They always insist on paying for fuel (as in if I’m filling up one is already at the kiosk ready to pay) or if I’ve not had to fill up paying for a meal or something. I protest but they will have none of it. This is normal behaviour.

I appreciate being able to drive and take my turn, but I don’t particularly enjoy it.
When my friend offered to drive us to the airport for our recent holiday I happily paid for the car park, which was probably double the whole fuel cost.
Unless you regularly take turns driving I think the additional responsibility on the driver should also be taken into account. There is always the chance of a puncture or stone damaging the windscreen.

My friends all live far away from me so either I am driving to them, or them to me. However my sister and I may drive somewhere together, maybe it’s different as we’re family but I would never in a million years expect her to offer petrol money or for me to offer it to her.
I just think over the years it kind of evens out as either one of us might be the driver at the time. Christ, I’m now worrying I’ve been (or she has been) a CF all these years!

This is what I think too. I never would have asked for money as I find it petty. Unless the other person has financial difficulties of course in which case I’d offer to pay the full petrol costs. But someone who has financial difficulties does not go away in these circumstances.