Petrol money - girls trip

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

Yes, YABVU. It's a shame she had to ask you though - you should have offered to pay as soon as you knew she'd have to drive.

You are being so unreasonable here and so far 99% of people feel the same. You are not able to make your own way as your husband needs the car so she needs to drive but then you resent giving her some petrol money!

I don’t resent her at all!

What @LillyPJ says is true.

I would guess if your friend put a post on mumsnet it would be about how tight you are and that she always has to ask you to contribute towards costs.

Does she always have to drive too? Sounds like you take advantage of her.

I have a friend similar, I would not ask for petrol, but I know he’d pay for dinner etc

That's like getting a bus or train and expecting it to be free as they are going there anyway 🤣

My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why?

So you spaff money and its causing problems in your relationship and you’re blaming it on your friends because she wants you to pay your own way?!

I agree with you OP. I wouldn’t have charged my pal in this context

DH drives a lot on golf trips etc, mainly because he likes driving but also has the biggest most comfortable car capable of carrying large men and several sets of golf clubs. He usually fills up as soon as he’s collected everyone, then before he drops everyone off he fills up again, the cost of the fuel on the second fill up is split between the drivers. That way you know what has been spent and it’s fair, none of this “should I give £10 or £50”.

if someone says “I’ll drive just pay me petrol money” then that doesn’t give the other person much time to offer but as I said a few times, it’s not that I’d never pay, I was just going to pay for other bits and pieces. Now to calculate fuel! Have a great day!

I think that often people who don't drive don't realize the cost of running a car. (In fact, the same applies to many drivers too!) The cost of petrol is probably the least of it.

I was miffed once when i took a not very close friend clothes shopping as a kind gesture cos she was suddenly banned from driving owing to an epileptic fit and she didn’t pay or offer the parking fees which were quite expensive and a long time ago when you could only pay by cash.

Hmm I'm torn on this. I think you're being a CF but in our friendship group who ever gets the lift just buys dinner/a drink or something that is a fair monetary equivalent

As if you wouldn’t offer! She’s the one who’s putting the mileage on her car and the general wear and tear. The alternative is that you both have to get public transport so you will have to pay anyway and that’s probably going to be more expensive.

In terms of how you should pay, I’d probably base it on the general mileage of the round trip. E.g. if it’s a 200 mile round trip then I’d offer more than if it’s a 100 mile round trip. You say you drive so you probably know how much it would cost you roughly in fuel to do a similar journey? Or maybe, just ask your friend if say £20 is enough to cover your half.

Beside the point really, but I'm interested that you pointed out that it was 'when you could only pay by cash'. Why did you make this distinction? It still cost the same.

One of the reasons I'd never ask for petrol money is that I'd have no idea how much to ask for. I can't remember the last time anyone gave me a lift any distance but if they did I would offer to pay but would expect them to give me an indication of how much they were expecting. I wouldn't be trying to do my own calculation.

I go away with a group of friends every few months and we all just chip in a contribution towards the petrol so the transport cost don't always fall on one person. It's very fair of your friend to ask for petrol money.

If you were going to offer petrol money then you wouldn’t have started a thread asking if it was unreasonable for your friend to have suggested paying her petrol money. You’d just have said “of course, I was going to ask you how much I owed you!” or similar.

Come on now, put the spade down! 😂

Cos I am no good with these parking apps.

And you don't need to calculate fuel @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 just ask her how much she wants towards the petrol. I doubt it will break the bank and will be cheaper than getting a train if you share the petrol cost.

You did say in your original post that ‘it irked you as she was going there anyway’!

If I drive I don’t expect petrol money, but equally if a friend asked I’d give them a contribution and wouldn’t be offended. Or I’d buy them some drinks etc.

I always put money in my friend’s account for petrol if she’s driving us anywhere.

Personally I’d expect a friend to accept a free lift and then buy me coffee/lunch etc depending on the distance ‘oh you drove, so I’ll get these!’. Nothing formal. I think I expect that because that’s what I’d do, but if they didn’t offer I’d consider that I might need to suggest splitting the petrol in the future.

About £30 would be reasonable- £15 each way