Petrol money - girls trip

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

if you were both going by public transport you wouldn’t expect to not pay your train/bus/plane fair because “she is going there anyway” stop being a cf and cough up!

If you aren’t happy with giving her petrol money then take another form of transport… You could drive and offer to take her for free… I mean after all you’re going there anyway.

This is literally what she said she would do if her husband didn't need their car that weekend

Well, yes … because we are FRIENDS

She's a friend who is happy to make a financial profit on giving you a lift? Not a kind of friend I'd like to be.

Well, you do you. I prefer an equal friendship.

@Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 I don't understand why you'd feel irked.

If you lift share then it's fair to pay half the petrol.

How is one person paying for the entire travel expenses equal? The friend who is accepting that money is profiteering. I couldn't be ok with taking their money. It would be completely taking the piss.

So your are both paying equal however your expect your best friend to pay extra fuel cost herself?

Exactly! They’ve planned a trip together, neither is going without the other.

If someone is good enough to drive you there, at the least you offer to pay for the fuel!

When we do girly trips we always split petrol and parking costs, just a given. Why should one of you have the chore of driving and have to pay more for the ‘privilege’.

Of course you pay half the petrol money just because you wouldn't ask doesn't mean she's wrong to if it irks you that much jump a train which will probably cost alot more depending on distance

So you pay your friend as you would a taxi driver? Because that’s the other option.

But that's what you're doing if you pay for the entire journey.

I can't remember the last time anyone gave me a lift. I much prefer to drive and as the driver and friend I don't want any payment for it. It makes no odds to me to have a passenger and yes, I am "going there anyway". If I was getting a lift I would offer a contribution of half the petrol money as I know people feel differently about it.

The passenger paying the entire fare makes no sense and I don't understand how your friend isn't embarrassed to be blatantly profiteering off you.

I do feel that the OP has been given a bit of a hard time. It seems that there are two different basic ways (at least) of looking at the finances for a friends' journey

way 1 - pay half the petrol each. My way, and I might supplement with a bit of way 2.
way 2 - ignore the petrol and contribute in other ways, for example by providing good snacks and maybe a meal. This seems to be the way the OP likes.

Both of these seem fair to me, although in my mind Way 2 needs using with care in case the driver is feeling broke and would rather have petrol money than uneccessary snacks.

My morals also suggest that the driver should be the one to choose which Way....

Wow. I cannot imagine asking anyone for petrol money. No one in my social circle would dream of doing this and would most likely find it odd if someone offered.

Don’t be ridiculous. No one is “profiteering” 😂😂😂
The driver is doing the passenger(s) a favour. They’re the ones with the stress of driving, and missing out on a lot of the giggles. If you go out for drinks, and one is driving, rule of thumb is, driver doesn’t buy a round. It’s called “appreciation” 🙄

If I give someone a lift to somewhere I'm going and it costs me £50 in petrol then that friend gives me £50 to pay for all the petrol I have made a profit off them.

Clearly you're happy to pay your friends as if they are a business. I wouldn't be in in the least accepting that kind of arrangement.

But then I don't find driving stressful or consider getting myself somewhere and happening to have someone else sitting next to me while I do it to be a favour of any significance.

You do you. I’m happy, my friends are happy. We are all happy.

Completely unreasonable and selfish of you. I imagine this has been a one sided friendship for quite some time. Why do so many of us women feel so entitled today? Pay your way or rent a car!

YTA. Your best friend is being really reasonable only asking for half the gas. The fact that your best friend volunteered to drive you in her car which will incur wear and tear and mileage on that car from the trip plus she would be the one driving while you relax on the journey, means you should be offering to pay for all the gas not just half plus meals along the way. That's how it works. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
You have no right to be annoyed at all! You're not a good friend the way you are acting. You should be offering to pay more than what she asked for.
Grow up!

She is not making any financial profit. As a matter a fact she is taking a loss. Because the car loses life through wear and tear and mileage. OP should be paying all the gas to make it equal due yo that plus meals on the way. It's ridiculous that she has an issue with what her BF asked. OP should be offering more.

Exactly this, but don’t waste your breath trying to convince DappledThings of that simple fact 😂

Good advice! I will continue to refuse to think that the wear and tear on my vehicle that I have chosen to use to get to somewhere I am choosing to go should be factored in to how I consider my friendships. I will also continue to refuse to accept friends trying to treat me like a commercial taxi.

You continue doing whatever makes your little heart happy. The rest of us will continue to appreciate what others contribute to a friendship.

I think we agreed that some days ago.

I will continue doing favours for my friends without requiring or expecting unnecessary recompense. Not sure why that seems to be annoying you. I imagine that those I've given lifts to in the past appreciate that too. Sorry I don't see them as freeloading as apparently you would