Petrol money - girls trip

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Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

Pmsl. You were never intending to offer, that’s clear so stop digging. Why would you need snacks and a nice lunch on the way for a 2 hour journey? Maybe your mate thinks that’s overkill and just wants to get there, she’s the one having to do all the driving after all.

You sound like a right cheeky fucker.

As for the “hmm, now how to calculate petrol costs” like it’s difficult and you are determined not to overpay, why not try one of the many mileage calculators online? The RAC? The AA? It’s really not hard.

Personally I’d be bunging her £30 for petrol and not trying to make up for it in fucking wotsits and haribo 🙄

I'm off for a similar trip with a friend. I'm enormously grateful that she is driving, I could take my car but tbh I'd rather pay for all the petrol than drive! She hasn't mentioned anything about the petrol costs but no way would I expect her to pay for it.

My first thought was but you are also "going there anyway" so why should you travel for free while she pays for the petrol alone? How would you get there otherwise and what would it cost?

I've since read your updates. You're going to pay and I think that lets you off the hook for buying extra treats as you are already "even" so you kind of end up in the same place.

I'm not sure what the issue is. Is it that she asked before you offered, even though you were going to offer to even things up? It's hard to explain but I often feel slightly irrationally annoyed when someone asks me for something that I was otherwise planning to do. I think maybe because it feels like they assume I will try and get away with it otherwise (i.e. I feel they are judging me as a CF when it's probably nothing of the sort and I'm just a prickly old so and so!)

I agree with you. The fact that OP says it wouldn't occur to her to charge and her DH thinks their dynamic is odd implies this friendship is unbalanced. And it sounds like the friend is the taker. OP - time to start asking her to reciprocate when you drive and split the snack costs. She might start to regret her stand over what sounds like a pretty small amount of money compared to a weekend away.

In the future set a budget to include everything (a bit more then necessary)

Haribo and wotsits, I wouldn’t want to go in your car 😂 only the finest M&S bits thank you!!!
No but seriously we had already discussed going for a bite to eat on the way.

It’s not just the petrol money though is it ( though personally having been at the sticky end of situations like this with a friend who expected a free ride on many occasions it bloody rankles) it’s also the fact that your friend has the stress of driving , so isn’t sitting in the passenger seat enjoying the view but concentrating on getting both of you safely to your destination ( and back again). Plus unless you are staying in one place and not moving for the length of the trip will also be driving you to places you want to visit, which means , for example that you can have a glass of wine with lunch, or a g and t before dinner, which she can’t.

Just pay the bloody petrol money and be grateful you aren’t having to pay for buses, trains and taxis , don’t have to check timetables or buy tickets on line, don’t have to lug your overnight bag on and off public transport, or listen to other peoples tinny music on badly fitting headphones, endure someone’s irritating childrens inane wittering or sit next to a manspreader with a personal hygiene problem and a loud phone voice.

Have a great weekend, pay the petrol money, and make sure you get her a bunch of flowers to say thank you for driving.

I think long distance trips you should offer petrol money.

This. Dont be so bloody tight op!

Its your friend and she is saving you money still.

I really hate people like this. Sorry not sorry.

This is why I got rid of my ex friend. She was happy to take but not put her hand in her pocket!

“She’s going there anyway…” ffs

How long is the journey in miles, there and back again?

I don't think that's unreasonable! That's why I've never asked for or accepted petrol money because I am going anyway and I prefer to drive than be a passenger.

But I know lots of people don't see it that way so I will always offer and am happy to pay some petrol money. Just wouldn't have a clue how much is considered reasonable so would ask the driver for a suggestion.

As you're paying half the petrol / parking, don't also pay for food.

You don't want to go too far the other way, otherwise you'll always be expected to give petrol money and pay for dinner.

It's pretty easy, you find out the estimated mileage and work out the approximate petrol cost per mile and offer half of the total petrol cost.

Yes, she should have offered half at least,

I hope you didn't offer again. Or next time ask for half.

Work out the distance, multiply by .45 per mile.

Giver her half.

Alternatively, pay for a tank of fuel.

Its very rude to not contribute.

Of course you pay. You could go on the train or drive yourself if you don't want to.

Personally I have an EV so wouldn't accept the petrol money, but friends could pay for parking or split the cost if I did have to charge while we were away.

Is she someone who insists on always paying her share or is she a bit tight?
Is that why you are possibly irked?

Let me ask you this... If you were to go by train, would you expect your friend to pay for your rail ticket? No? Exactly! put yur hand in your pocket and give the petrol money you tight wad!!😄

Really weird attitude OP - she wasn’t ’going there anyway’ - you’re travelling together. It’s a shared expense

On a further note, perhaps you are also not considering the fact that as she’s using her car, there is also wear and tear on her car as well as potentially parking costs (?) - or are you considering parking costs as hers because it’s her car!

As someone who regularly drives for full days (for work), there’s also the impact on her just generally driving for hours - she certainly won’t be as fresh as you when you both arrive - at your shared destination! And that’s if you don’t hit traffic! Regardless of the consideration of your planned lunch break stop

Me and DP set off for an expected 4.5 hour journey a couple of weeks ago - it took us almost 8 hours with just a 20 minute stop off and I was utterly exhausted when we arrived.

Makes me wonder what else you are a complete CF about!!

Youre going together why wouldnt you pay half? Or better yet you drive and pay all the petrol costs.
Youre a selfish person.

I don’t understand the question.

She’s obviously not greedy or stingy or you wouldn’t bother going away with her. When you’ve had lifts from others you’ve given them
petrol money. You intended to give the petrol equivalent (not sure why you’re puzzled about working it out now when this is what you intended) in other things.

I don’t see what the issue is. You were always going to pay.

I get you OP ,you sound kind and generous and would not have charged her if the other way round .Thing is now petrol is dear COL and all the driving is on her.As shes asked, it makes it less awkward I think .I would say Oh Sue heres that cash for fuel ,
shall we stop at that nice pub we like for a lemonade? Even though you bought snacks they wont be enough to cover fuel costs .there and back .Also she has all the stress on her

Not only would I pay for half the petrol, I would also treat them to a thank you coffee for driving me there.

My BF will never willingly take money for travel (although neither would I but for several reasons she is usually the one who drives!)
So I get round it by buying her coffee, lunch etc.
But that's because we'd get those things on the way anyway so I'm still balancing her costs out.

If she's directly asked for petrol money then she probably needs it, and she doesn't have the choice of hitching a lift with you because you can't take your car. Why should it cost her to go but not you when it's a trip you planned together? You pay half for accommodation because your using half.
But I understand this isn't really about Petrol but more likely about feeling your friend wouldn't offer you the same kind gesture you would.