Petrol money - girls trip

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

Me and my best friend are going away for the night in a few weeks that’s a good couple of hours away. We both decided on the venue and both paying equally for the stay.
We’ve been friends for over half of our lives now and have a very close relationship for context.
When I asked about getting there she said she’d drive but could I give her some petrol money. I don’t know why but it’s irked me because 1. She’s going there anyway and 2. We’re best friends, I just couldn’t charge her if it were me. And no, I can’t drive there myself because my husband needs our car.
My husband always scoffs at this dynamic in our relationship. I’m not the best with money as a whole and potentially this is why? AIBU to feel this way? Of course I’ll still pay. We live in the same village for context.

Petrol isn’t cheap anymore. I’m glad you’ve changed your mind.

This is one of those things where I'm completely hypocritical to my own detriment. I'd never ask for petrol money and have refused it before when offered but I would always offer myself if I was the passenger.

Wow! Tbh I’d pay just over half the petrol to say thanks for driving.

Agree with others she’s not going there anyway… she’s going there because you both organised a trip there…

I can’t believe you’re even questioning this.

You are being super mean. This happened to me with my then Best friend on trip to Majorca. She wanted to hire a car and then when hired said “oh I’m soooo nervous driving in the wrong side, please do it” - so I did all the driving. She did pay half hire cost, but refused to pay petrol. It was the beginning of the end of our friendship. We’re still in contact 20 years on, but not close friends.

I don't get why you would split all of the costs in half except the means to get to the venue and home again. If you were going by train, would you expect her to pay for your ticket?

If agreed up front eg since you're paying for petrol, I'll pay for dinner on Friday night, or I'll get the coffees at the service station, etc., then that's ok. Anything else is a freeloading CF.

Anyone I give a lift to will offer petrol money. I don’t take it but they will instead eg pay for my dinner wherever we are going or buy me a drink or pay for parking, whatever seems in line with what they would have paid in petrol themselves. The dinner thing was a recent one, I had driven 4 people a couple of hours away for a gig, we went out to dinner, it was £60 a head and they all split mine and paid for it. Really kind and the gesture was appreciated because of it.
I think you’re being a CF to be miffed that she’s asked!

Thanks all. I just want to reiterate that I was going to pay anyway, I just wanted to ask if my feelings were out of line, which they were

My best friend didn’t drive. The expectation that would always give a lift got really tired. Even for long trips taking hours she never offered petrol money.

Seriously, wouldn't you have offered petrol money anyway?

Cheeky fucker to the max

Of course you pay half the petrol.
This is wild thinking!

As it’s not until next month of course I would have offered petrol money/ bought cocktails/ paid for lunch on the way. As I said I’ve got some bits and pieces already. What do you transfer? £50? £20? Do you ask the driver or just pay what you think it would cost?

Or do I pay what a train would cost?

I’m going to go against the grain and say that I never really thought about “petrol money” as a concept once I got past a certain age. Understandable if yours driving for hours and hours on end but even then I personally wouldn’t ask for it unless I was really strapped for cash. I always find it quite bizarre when people 30+ who are relatively comfortable both offer and accept petrol money for journeys of a couple of hours or under. Especially in longer term friendships where it is inevitable that you will have paid more/less at different points.

Of course if both parties are very very strapped for cash that’s different.

I wouldn't have asked a friend to pay

Unless I always did all the driving for our trips

You are being beyond ridiculous she is only going anyway because of your trip, it’s not on her way anywhere 😂😂😂

You should definitely pay half of the petrol, and buy the coffee if you stop half way!

Your friend is not only paying for the petrol, but also doing the driving, taking the wear on her car, and risking her car being damaged/accident/breakdown etc during the journey.

You either take it in turns or you pay your way.

Honestly, I’d give generously for the petrol to cover the fact you’re also able to be a passenger princess. My sisters car is sooo much nicer for long journeys. I’ll usually just cover all the petrol given its wear & tear on her car and I’m not having to drive.
I’m also in charge of snacks. I guess I just don’t like to leave people feeling like I’ve taken the piss.

Why would you even think twice about it? Of course you share the cost of petrol.

Geez, a friend picks me up once a month on her way (note, on her way) to a pub quiz and drops me home. Not from or to the door, I meet her at the end of my road. The pub is a 10 minute walk from mine. I always either buy her a drink or pay her quiz entry. I wouldn't feel happy accepting, otherwise.

I don’t normally ask for petrol money because the passenger usually offers dinner, coffee or parking whichever is close to the cost. A bottle of Prosecco and snacks doesn’t balance it out, especially if the Prosecco was a gift to you. I do ask people who I know are CF though.

I always insist on paying my share of petrol costs or I pay for the parking. If someone is willing to drive me around I am grateful for it. I don’t mind driving and often drive long distances but I prefer to be a passenger 😂

If you were going to offer petrol money why are you upset that she asked? Is it that she didn’t give you the chance to offer?

Absolutely! Always would pay for drinks/ snacks etc, when I didn’t drive I got a lift to work from a work friend occasionally and I’d always hand her over money on the journey.