Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

[Tulipsdaisy]

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

Also wondering as a pp has, why docs on iPad were not saved to cloud automatically and additionally why does child have access to iPad if dad is using it for work? Sounds like a him problem.

And him saying he'll have to play catchup in the evenings is setting you up for him to escape to some man cave somewhere so he can recreate his docs he should never have lost in the first place. If he intends to work on this holiday, and the kids are too bothersome for him, this isn't going to be enjoyable for anyone.

My ex was an expert at ruining every holiday due to his own tantrums. I'm so glad I never have to deal with that any more.

I would accept his apology and still go. What his kid did was pretty bad, I could see why he’d be stressed and furious. You need to have a chat with him though about the impact his actions have on others, and how you and your kids didn’t feel very important to him when he did that.

Nah.

I would end this now. To use the old trope “if someone shows you who they are, believe them”.

He has no care for you and your kids. He could have rang you and explained the situation from the get go but he doesn’t respect you. He is only backtracking now because you have pulled him up on it.

Move on with your life OP, it’s no way to live.

I think its good to base your decision on what you think your kids will prefer, but I wouldn't ask them. They're too young to arbitrate on adult rows.

Just go anyway without him. Don't upset your dc.

Wouldn't the kids be more upset if they go & he makes it to be a shit weekend?

Op only you know if that's likely.

I’d go as the kids are looking forward to it, but I’d end the relationship afterwards in the next few days. He sounds a bit unstable and reactionary, it’s not a sound platform on which to blend your boys with. I’d not trust him or his true motives if lashing out and upsetting everyone is his go to position.

How much do you like this guy? I think you need to think strongly about that. If he’s worth forgiving, then go ahead with the original plans. Otherwise, think very carefully about going - he only said he would go after you had already messaged him this morning. No apology before you messaged him.

You’ve said there is a theme park near you that your DC haven’t been to before. This sounds like a good alternative plan for them (and you!).

I would go, make the most of it for your DC.

Then I would sit down with him and tell him that his behaviour was unacceptable and if it happens again going forward you will have no option but to call it a day

I'd tell him to piss off and that you have already made alternative arrangements as a result of his tantrum. I think you seriously need to consider this relationship OP. Why does he always get to call the shots and you pander to him. Fuck that

I can’t believe everyone saying it was a “decent apology”! It’s not - it’s almost worse for me, because he could have shared it last night. But he was too much in a rage (red flag) - to care about her or her kids in all this. Now he expects her to just forget it all and go, while setting up the fact that he will be spending the time working in the evening. No thanks.

Nooooo.

He's OBVIOUSLY lying.

If he’d text you yesterday and said “DC have just wiped a load of work from my iPad, I need to stay home this weekend and send the kids to my parents so I’ve got time to redo it for a meeting on Monday.” then maybe his recent revelations would be true.

But last night he told you he wanted an adults-only break. So when was he planning on re-doing the work that his DC “deleted”? How can he get it done now if you all go away? Is he expecting you to care for all the DC whilst he works? That’s a shit “holiday” for you.

He's come up with a semi-plausible excuse to “explain” his behaviour, but it doesn’t really, does it?

He had a man-tantrum and fucked about with his parents w/e plans, your w/e plans and more importantly your kids w/e plans.

You immediately stop contact between him and your DC until he can prove he will never dick them about in future. Continue to date him if you must, but do not involve your DC in this; why would you let them get attached to a tantruming adult who has a high chance of letting them down?

You do your own thing this weekend and let him spend time with his DC, he probably needs to make up for his shitty behaviour to them last night anyway (like threatening to punish the child that had done nothing wrong and using cancelling his contact time as a punishment).

Ugh, do guys like this really exist?! Plan a nice weekend with your kids and be thankful that you don't live with this inconsiderate, lying, piece of cr@,p. I don't care how nice he is but this lack of honesty, tantrum throwing, inconsideration will only get worse overtime. Get out now.

She can't go on the trip without him. Read her updates!

Anyway, as of now I was going to say do what you always planned together then bin him off after the trip is over, but that's not fair on the kids and just allows them to get closer to someone you probably won't keep around. It also gives him the green light to behave like a dick and get away with it.

Tell him you've changed plans and he can have the child free weekend he wanted. You and your kids can go and have a great time at theme park or whatever else together. Core memories.

He’s a selfish arsehole! Parenting isn’t about picking and choosing when you have your kids based on their behaviour!
I don’t think he is the kind of partner you should have in yours and your kids lives! He has let everyone involved down, without a real valid reason! What a dick!

Actually I agree with Nopineapplepizza.
I think he’s lying.

The apology explains his emotions last night but not why he wanted you to dump your DC and go off for the weekend with him instead. I think you need a long hard think of the other occasions he has displayed his selfishness. I personally think if last night, you had agreed to dump your children this weekend he would be happily travelling up with you, with zero fuck’s for any of the children’s disappointment and devastation.

YABU because you should carry on with the trip.
Dump him before you leave and have a great time!

Me too.

I wouldn't go. How could you enjoy it and relax after the stress and annoyance he caused?
Not saying you have to dump him over this of course but take the weekend back and show him you aren't his entertainment to pick up or put down as he chooses.

Go on the trip them dump and block.

I have ! Calm down with the aggressiveness.
I commented before id caught up

But you’ve cancelled dog sitter so can’t go
now anyway? I would tread carefully in the future with this man, as he seems a bit flaky. Don’t move in with him!!!

@Imbusytodaysorry aggressiveness for a ! 😂