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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
ilovesushi · 07/06/2025 18:17

So glad you and your boys cracked on and had a brilliant day! x

Izyboo · 07/06/2025 18:19

Get on lastminute.com and find yourself a deal. Don't let the prick spoil your break.

Amelie2025 · 07/06/2025 18:23

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 16:58

We're having a fab time! The weather isn't the best but it hasn't spoilt the day. Just sitting waiting for food now. I'm knackered!

Little update. I haven't heard from him but I have text him to end the relationship. There's no point in dragging it on. I said:

I’m done with this relationship, we are over. You created a toxic atmosphere over nothing. I won’t let my children be hurt or messed around by your need to assert control. Do not contact me again.

Read and ignored which is fine by me. Fuck him.

Yeah don't 'fuck him' 😂😂😂

im glad you're having a great time despite the fuckwit & despite the weather!!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 07/06/2025 18:26

Good that you had a great day.

I wonder if children couldn’t actually go to the place and he messed up by agreeing to have them join and didn’t know how to get out of it. But even if that was the case surely there would have been a lot better way of handling it

diddl · 07/06/2025 18:28

15 minutes later, nowhere to be seen. He saw me and went the other way.

That is absolutely bizarre!

Glad you're having a lovely time.

RareGoalsVerge · 07/06/2025 18:37

So glad you've had a great day anyway.
At least the tosser is capable of understanding and following the instruction of "do not contact me again" - any reply or even an emoji response would have been another failure to give a damn about your needs, so perhaps he might have learned a tiny bit from this experience and may be less awful to hus next girlfriend. We can only hope.

EMUKE · 07/06/2025 18:39

This is one powerful women! Good for you mama, it does worry me all the time how people pole can create a persona for so long then just one day the mask slips and the true person shows them self. However that maybe many want to try and make the relationship work and not waste over a year of their lives but I love that OP knows their worth and the child’s. I can’t imagine how you feel but my god what an absolute weapon of a women! Sending love.

Notright77 · 07/06/2025 18:42

How horrible for you all- can you just go without him?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/06/2025 18:47

Notright77 · 07/06/2025 18:42

How horrible for you all- can you just go without him?

You could try reading the OP's updates.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/06/2025 18:48

Glad you went out with your DC and had a brilliant time. I feel sorry for his DC though, he's going to be horrible to them for very little.

Not your problem, though. Onward!

Helen483 · 07/06/2025 18:49

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/06/2025 00:08

No prizes for guessing why this Dick's marriage broke down.

He's not the one for you @Tulipsdaisy , there are better out there.

Yup, spot on.

What he's done to his own kids is bad enough, but the total disinterest in the impact on you and your kids is unforgivable.

Bimblebombles · 07/06/2025 18:52

I am really angered on your behalf that he just can decide on a knee jerk that he wants a "kid free weekend". That isn't what being a parent is about. You don't just get to ditch the kids when you're tired / stressed / ill etc.
I bet his parents are sick of him and care for their grandkids more often than he does!

Nikki75 · 07/06/2025 18:52

Good on you .... there is a whole world of people and opportunities in the world.. why get stuck with someone who has no regard for others feelings.
Enjoy x

MyLimeGuide · 07/06/2025 18:55

Rafting2022 · 05/06/2025 21:52

Your poor kids being subject to this arsehole’s whims. Do them a favour, dump him and go on the trip.

Exactly this.

dcthatsme · 07/06/2025 19:04

Well done you! Best decision and lucky you discovered his true colours now rather than years down the line 😊

XWKD · 07/06/2025 19:11

You're too good for scum like him.

jannier · 07/06/2025 19:13

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:21

He has cancelled plans before, at my inconvenience, but I'm quite laid back so am happy to rearrange on the odd occasion.

I feel a lot more strongly about him doing it to my DC 😔

You need to value yourself too and feel strongly enough for him mucking you around you deserve more than being a doormat.

S0j0urn4r · 07/06/2025 19:17

He comes across as a spoilt man - child. Controlling and gaslighting to boot.
Hope you've blocked him.

FedUp120028 · 07/06/2025 19:18

Reading things like this make me glad it's taken me nearly 3 years to introduce my children to my oh.

croydon15 · 07/06/2025 19:22

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 21:49

Why are you cancelling? Go without him!

This.

Sun25 · 07/06/2025 19:26

Unbelievably self-centered. Dump him. Also what kind of parent has 50:50 shared time and still needs a break from their kids? He has 50% of the time to have a break from them!!

Mudders · 07/06/2025 19:28

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 16:58

We're having a fab time! The weather isn't the best but it hasn't spoilt the day. Just sitting waiting for food now. I'm knackered!

Little update. I haven't heard from him but I have text him to end the relationship. There's no point in dragging it on. I said:

I’m done with this relationship, we are over. You created a toxic atmosphere over nothing. I won’t let my children be hurt or messed around by your need to assert control. Do not contact me again.

Read and ignored which is fine by me. Fuck him.

As my teens would say --- Slay

JohnTheRevelator · 07/06/2025 19:30

I would have gone without him.

Pinkproseccolady · 07/06/2025 19:31

Well done you. It sounds like you've saved yourself from a horrible future with him. So glad his mask slipped now and he realised he couldn't control you to put him before your children!

JesseMum · 07/06/2025 19:37

He will do this again. He's not worth it. Try enjoy the weekend with your children