Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

[Tulipsdaisy]

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

What an immature jerk. Don’t go back to him if he apologises, it won’t be the last of this behaviour.

Why did they divorce?

You bore off.!
It’s always easier to look in that’s why people post for perspective.

Gloaty definitely not. Rather trying to save another women putting themselves through hell.
Warning signs are there and not everyone has others to go to for advice

Sorry you feel triggered!

Oh yeah, that would be me done too. I'd just block and move on now without any other discussion.

I wouldn't have tolerated that shit at 14 from a teenage boy, and I certainly don't as an adult. You've done the right thing, OP.

Op, he didn’t want to go. He entirely engineered that ‘row’ to ensure the weekend is off. Then he can blame you for insisting (You haven’t) he will paint this as a terrible toll on him, and you are making things harder. Be ready for this op.

All along he wanted a kid free weekend doing what exactly what he wants. He does not even care about his own children, he definitely couldn’t care less about your children!

Thank your lucky stars, as sad as you must be, that you found out now and can safely and easily extract yourselves. Your children are unscathed. They are unharmed. His sadly won’t have the same outcome.

He has lost respect for you, he has lost interest mainly in pretending to be a decent person, he can’t keep up the façade any longer - his mask has slipped, and what you are seeing now is precisely who he is.

He is making you seem persistent, a bunny boiler type - he has built up an entire story around this to avoid shouldering any guilt.

I know you will be disappointed and hurt, confused and blindsided, you will have mapped out a whole future with him by now - but please for the love of God see this for the heaven sent gift that it is, in the long run you will see it like that too.

‘You were warned’
‘You went running back for more’

Thats not helping, that’s sticking the boot in and making out it’s somehow her fault that he’s behaved in such a childish, horrible manner.

The only thing that triggers me is people being needlessly unpleasant towards someone who is already shocked and upset.

Go without him and also get rid of him

Could the cancelling and being all shifty in the street mean something else? Like he’s seeing someone else from work?
Doesn’t matter anyway now I guess.
What an odd and rude idiot he is.
Onward and upward op.

That's sad OP.
You are well rid of him though.
I hope you and your kids have a fab weekend.

@GreenCandleWax

I think Op is feeling bad enough without throwing camping into the mix!

It’s bloody freezing as well!! I’d be going for a hectic theme park and a slug of wine at bed time, and a close friend on speed dial.

How awful and upsetting. What a dick. So sorry for your kids to be so disappointed by this but try to see it as a good thing that you worked out what an arsehole he is before you got too deeply embedded. Try to cast this as a positive learning experience for your DC - that you wouldn't let him muck them around, because they are more important to you than him, and sadly he couldn't deal with that so the relationship is over, but this is a good thing because no one wants to be in a relationship with someone so selfish.

I'm sorry OP. What bloody weird behaviour.

Just think how excited your kids are for the weekend doing something special.

I can imagine how upset you feel, but better you see this now than further down the line.

One thing that always makes me feel better is the biggest hugs with my dc, spend the day close to them and you can do so knowing you are a brilliant mother and put them first. You seem such a nice person, I have no doubt you will meet someone much better when you can face dating again 💐

Sorry op. At least he’s shown his true colours now. Hope you have a nice weekend with your kids! You seem like a nice person and deserve better

The pair of you really sound as though you could improve your communication skills and be less reactive.

HUGE, mardy-arsed bullet expertly dodged, OP!

Thank feck he showed himself before you got to the living together stage.

What a giant bell end, honestly.

Hope you manage to have a fab weekend doing something with the kids.x.

Have I read this right??? He’s not happy with the behaviour of one of his kids. Instead of actually dealing with the behaviour he drops the children off with his family. What a great father he is. I would be ending this relationship especially with children involved. Salvage the weekend with something fun for your kids even if you have a fun packed weekend at home.

What an absolute idiot he is. Is there a chance he's seen this thread and that's what he's gone arsey about?

Reading between the lines, @Tulipsdaisy I think he got cold feet at the blended family experience. Somewhere along the line he panicked, possibly even picked a fight with the kids to ensure he could punish and send them to GPs and then when you were reasonable found himself boxed into a corner. His behaviour at your usual post Friday meet up was unforgivable, though, when perhaps he could just have ‘used his words’ to explain he felt things were moving too fast.

You are well shot of him - he clearly lacks emotional maturity. The impact of this on both his and your kids was clearly not a priority for him. You’re all better off without him IMO.

What a weirdo! So sorry OP.

At least you found out who he really was before you did anything like moving in together I guess.
Hope you can shake him off and still have an enjoyable weekend with your dc.

Sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you are going to be well rid of this arsehole though.

I'm sure things feel horrible right now, but don't let him worm his way back in. Stay strong.

Do something nice for yourself and your own children this weekend. Just whatever you can face doing. Your idea of the theme park sounds like a good one.

What an absolute arsehole. Good for standing up to him. Hope you manage to enjoy routine with DCs

"Let's keep plans as they are, I will have to play catch up in the evenings."

I guess stress got the better of him yet again since his attitude flipped from his "apology" and he ignored you and was rude as fuck to you in front of your kids. I think he's mad that you called him on his flaking so he's flaking yet again.

Don't give this one another chance. Hopefully he'll stay mad or you will.

Put YABU as you should take your kids without him.