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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
CuddlesKovinsky · 06/06/2025 16:20

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 15:43

It's off. We are not going. He has just been so rude to me.

Has he manipulated this to make you the bad guy?

OneFineDay13 · 06/06/2025 16:20

I think you need to dump this man OP what happened what did he say that was rude to you? He sounds so flaky I couldn't deal

Capybara6473 · 06/06/2025 16:21

Oh no, what happened? I do think you should consider whether this is the final straw.
He really is taking the piss.

Happyhettie · 06/06/2025 16:21

What a bunch of red flags. I’m wondering if he’s managed to twist this so that you are “to blame” in some way?
I hope you have made some brilliant alternative plans instead.

LAMPS1 · 06/06/2025 16:23

Punishing you for daring to speak your mind in your message this morning no doubt. And trying to get the upper hand back.
Well done OP, for having none of it.
All the best to you and your children.

Anonymouseposter · 06/06/2025 16:29

I would be very careful about involving your children any further with this man. He sounds capricious and harsh with his kids who are still very young. He will start wanting to get involved with managing your kids behavior and he is bad tempered and inconsistent. I don't often say LTB but I would dump him before it goes any further.

ilovesushi · 06/06/2025 16:39

Oh no! Just seen your last post. Gutted for you. More because he has proved himself to be an arsehole than the twattery around the trip. Hope you can go ahead and take your boys to the theme park. I'm sure they'll love it even more than plan A. And you won't have to deal with someone messing with your head. xxx

frontwoman001 · 06/06/2025 16:39

CuddlesKovinsky · 06/06/2025 16:20

Has he manipulated this to make you the bad guy?

That's what I was thinking. Was the nicely worded apology a bluff? OP was supposed to decline the offer to still go on the trip and Mr. Prickface would spin the narrative as 'you're the one who called it off, I said we could still go'.

To anyone arguing that he initially called it off, that won't be part of the story when he's telling it. His story will be that he had to change it up slightly, OP was pissed off so he gallantly swooped in and managed to save the whole thing but his heroic efforts weren't good enough and OP had a 'hissy fit' and ruined it for everyone.

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 16:54

I feel a bit blindsided as I wasn't expecting it. I thought everything was resolved.

I went to meet him from work as I usually do on Fridays and he completely avoided me. I text saying "I'm here" and he didn't reply, just put a thumbs up react on my message.

15 minutes later, nowhere to be seen. He saw me and went the other way. I text again saying is there a problem? He ignored it.

When I did catch up with him I asked if I could have a word away from my DC who were with me. He was looking straight over my shoulder as I'm stood there trying to engage him in a conversation. Rude.

He took a few steps away and I said "right, enough. What is the problem here?"

And he abruptly responds "what? Because I didn't walk down there"

I looked baffled at this point and said what?

He then says "you've got the problem not me"

I felt quite upset at this point and just said "ok" and walked away. I couldn't argue the toss as both of my DC were there. I haven't done anything wrong!

The last contact we had was this morning and there was no arguments or anything. I don't understand.

I think he's pissed off at me for standing my ground and not pandering to his last minute attempt to ditch the kids, and he didn't like me asserting myself. He's engineered this to get out of going. I'm sure of it.

So yeah, it's definitely off.

We're over.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 06/06/2025 16:57

Yes that was a pathetic exchange on his part. I suspect you're right about standing up to him...he didn't like it.
He is rude.

Glad you've seen this idiot for how he is.

Wreckinball · 06/06/2025 16:58

Bloody hell OP, get back in the car and head off to the theme park you up your sleeve for the kids- he’s such an ahole

CautiousLurker01 · 06/06/2025 16:58

Lucky escape over all. Just a shame he waited until after you’d introduced your kids to each other to reveal what a total arse he was.

Enjoy your theme park day tomorrow!

Projectme · 06/06/2025 17:01

Ooo lucky escape there OP.

You're gonna feel upset as you seemed quite invested in him. But honestly, he doesn't sound very nice...shown his true colours!

nocontactquery · 06/06/2025 17:07

oh gosh, sorry OP, I take back my previous post saying it seemed like he had apologised etc and to go for it. He sounds awful - immature and childish and also totally inappropriately behaved around your DC. Definitely keep him binned off.

lolalopp · 06/06/2025 17:07

Oh wow that changes things doesn’t it. Totally agree he didn’t want to go on the trip and has engineered a row to get out of it. What a total fuck about for you.
Well done for standing your ground and not pandering to his shitty behaviour.

Imbusytodaysorry · 06/06/2025 17:10

@Tulipsdaisy sadly op you were warned .
He treated you like crap last night got away with it (pushed boundaries ) and you went running back for more .

Make sure it is over or you will have a life of hell.
Put your kids first if you can’t put yourself first .
Also send one last message saying it’s over to not contact you again or come to Your house.
Then Block and delete!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/06/2025 17:12

Well, you had a lucky escape.

What an idiot.

It's good he showed his true colours before you moved in together etc.

MeridianB · 06/06/2025 17:19

Oh wow. He has doubled down on being a gigantic baby. Zero accountability.

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 17:19

It's absolutely bizarre, I'm in shock.

OP posts:
ButItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 06/06/2025 17:24

Sounds like you'll be well rid of him. Suspect you've just been given a massive hint about why his relationship ended with the mum of his children.

RunningJo · 06/06/2025 17:27

As upsetting as it may be, he has shown you who he is, and you’ve definitely dodged that bullet. Thank goodness you don’t live together.
Maybe some of what you’ve seen is why hie and his ex split!

Hope you’re OK, enjoy the theme park with your kids tomorrow

lolalopp · 06/06/2025 17:28

Imbusytodaysorry · 06/06/2025 17:10

@Tulipsdaisy sadly op you were warned .
He treated you like crap last night got away with it (pushed boundaries ) and you went running back for more .

Make sure it is over or you will have a life of hell.
Put your kids first if you can’t put yourself first .
Also send one last message saying it’s over to not contact you again or come to Your house.
Then Block and delete!

Oh bore off will you. Just because everyone on MN screams LTB at the slightest indiscretion it doesn’t mean it actually works like that in the real world. Yes he was a prick, but then he apologised and op continued with the plans in the interests of her dc. Nobody here was to know he would double down on being a dickhead, including the op as she said she’s blindsided by it.

Absolutely no need for such a gloaty, goady post.

ChaToilLeam · 06/06/2025 17:31

What a fud he is OP! Yep, he definitely engineered the whole thing. You are well rid if that's how he is going to carry on. Hope you can still do something nice with your children.

Usk · 06/06/2025 17:31

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 15:43

It's off. We are not going. He has just been so rude to me.

Honestly did wonder if this would be next step - be nasty to be round and blame you. I suppose in that respect better he done it now rather than round the kids.

I'd try and go away with your kids somewhere nice - theme park/hotel near coast - just something nice for you all.

Big hugs though - he's behaved really badly towards you and your kids.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

yorkshireteabagman · 06/06/2025 15:33

How on earth do you know any of this?! So much poor advice being given here just purely to encourage the OP to make herself single over this. Completely ridiculous

I hope you are suitably embarrassed now, given how things have turned out….