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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:13

Scentedjasmin · 06/06/2025 18:15

The pair of you really sound as though you could improve your communication skills and be less reactive.

How the fuck did you manage to make this OP’s fault?

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:15

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:12

Put YABU as you should take your kids without him.

She’s explained multiple times that she can’t go without him as it’s connected to his work. RTFT.

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:16

So sorry he’s been such a nasty arsehole, OP — and in front of your kids too. I hope you feel relieved in time that you didn’t waste any more time on this horrible man. Hugs to you x

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:18

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 19:15

She’s explained multiple times that she can’t go without him as it’s connected to his work. RTFT.

I saw after.

I’d still salvage something so my kids weren’t disappointed. So I still say YABU.

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 19:20

Oh my love, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can talk this through and get better.
Take care.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 19:24

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 19:20

Oh my love, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can talk this through and get better.
Take care.

‘Talk this through’ ??!! How is this good advice - he is an absolute arsehole and is mistreating op and her dc.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 06/06/2025 19:31

You've had a lucky escape there! Must be an awful shock to find out what he's really like. As someone else said, have a big hug with the kids and hopefully a good weekend away. You sound strong so I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine

outerspacepotato · 06/06/2025 19:37

DraigCymraeg · 06/06/2025 19:20

Oh my love, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can talk this through and get better.
Take care.

He flaked on her for the second time in 2 days. She had to chase after him to get him to talk to her and her kids saw her chasing after this flake who left them waiting for 15 minutes then came out and walked away.

This won't get better. He's letting his mask drop.

TheDenimWasp · 06/06/2025 19:45

Go without the selfish git and also ditch him permanently. You and your kids are obviously not a priority to him.

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 19:46

Once I got home and got the DC sorted I called my friend and relayed the past two days and she said he's coming across like a complete narcissist, and that's what they do isn't it? Create arguments to spoil special occasions, turn it all back around onto you - the innocent party.

The look on his face earlier today was horrible, he seemed really pissed off.

I'm feeling like I should block him now and never speak to him again but my brain can't compute how we can go from happy to this in under 24 hours.

Is somebody else on the scene and he's painting me black to justify it to himself?

The relationship is over regardless.

I've booked the theme park for tomorrow, now I'll have to put my game face on.

Just gutted.

OP posts:
Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 06/06/2025 19:53

You might be gutted OP but he’s just made it a heck of a lot easier to get over him. What a knob!

HallidayJones6779 · 06/06/2025 19:57

I'm sorry I haven't read all comments (although I've read all OPs) so sorry if I've missed something that makes what I'm saying off the mark... But could it be that his kid did delete all his docs and he wants to use the weekend to actually catch up on what's been deleted? He could be stressed about this and that's why he's snapping and crabby? And making an excuse not to go? I'm not excusing his behaviour - and I don't know why he wouldn't just admit this if it were the case. Totally unfair to cancel and disappoint everyone.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 06/06/2025 19:58

@Tulipsdaisy Have a wonderful time at the theme park tomorrow! If thoughts of the bastard creep in, turn your thoughts to your kids and make things fun. Even silly. Get a funny picture taken, eat something you usually don't (the more sugar, the better)🍭🍦, play a game of chance. Just concentrate on your kids and be glad that he is gone, kaput, out of your lives.

YOU are a great Mom, who has her priorities straight.💖 He is a twat waffle who deserves little to zilch head-space.

If you have a mind to do so, please come back and tell us about your day with your kids at the theme park. I, for one, would love to read about it. 🎠🎢🎡

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 20:00

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 19:46

Once I got home and got the DC sorted I called my friend and relayed the past two days and she said he's coming across like a complete narcissist, and that's what they do isn't it? Create arguments to spoil special occasions, turn it all back around onto you - the innocent party.

The look on his face earlier today was horrible, he seemed really pissed off.

I'm feeling like I should block him now and never speak to him again but my brain can't compute how we can go from happy to this in under 24 hours.

Is somebody else on the scene and he's painting me black to justify it to himself?

The relationship is over regardless.

I've booked the theme park for tomorrow, now I'll have to put my game face on.

Just gutted.

Edited

Of course you are gutted. If he is a narcissist then you putting your children first would be enough for him, there will only ever be room for his needs (never yours) He would have presented as charming and loving, such a catch.
But he isn’t.
You can not subject your dc to someone like this. Thank goodness you are neither married or sharing a home.

Farmhouse1234 · 06/06/2025 20:01

Because he is only happy when you’re doing what he wants, when he wants and the way he wants. Deviation from this will bring out the side you saw. It seems like a change, but it would always have been there - just covered up.
These type of people never change. Thank your lucky stars you didn’t waste even more time on him.
Be prepared for him to try and hoover you back with charm (should it suit him to do so)

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 20:01

MightyDandelion · 06/06/2025 19:18

I saw after.

I’d still salvage something so my kids weren’t disappointed. So I still say YABU.

More fool you, then. The OP’s kids are fortunate enough to see that their mum doesn’t take shit from a sulky, unpleasant man-baby.

Gymnopedie · 06/06/2025 20:01

I'm feeling like I should block him now and never speak to him again but my brain can't compute how we can go from happy to this in under 24 hours.

Think back. Was the happiness dependant on you fitting in with him, letting him off if he was a flake, only doing what he wanted?

Because if it was, there's your answer. You've given in when it only affected you, but now it's affected your DCs too you haven't played ball like he expects you to.

Moonlightfrog · 06/06/2025 20:04

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 19:46

Once I got home and got the DC sorted I called my friend and relayed the past two days and she said he's coming across like a complete narcissist, and that's what they do isn't it? Create arguments to spoil special occasions, turn it all back around onto you - the innocent party.

The look on his face earlier today was horrible, he seemed really pissed off.

I'm feeling like I should block him now and never speak to him again but my brain can't compute how we can go from happy to this in under 24 hours.

Is somebody else on the scene and he's painting me black to justify it to himself?

The relationship is over regardless.

I've booked the theme park for tomorrow, now I'll have to put my game face on.

Just gutted.

Edited

I think you’re better off out of this relationship. Your DC would know that he ruins plans and that he’s upset you. By ending it you’re teaching your boys that this isn’t how you treat people. He does sound like he has narcissistic behaviours.

Go out with your dc tomorrow and try to forget about him (not easy I know, been there a few times).

Nikki75 · 06/06/2025 20:08

Wow he sounds like an absolute dick.
I know your hurting now at his actions but trust me you and your children are way better out of this , you will never know where you are with him .
Move on dont look back.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 20:09

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Blodyneighbour · 06/06/2025 20:12

Since your last update, I think you may be right about another person being involved, especially if you have noticed different behaviour from him. Someone who truly loves you would never behave like this twat.
I'm sure you will find out soon enough, but by blocking him - you'll never know. So I would say not to block him just yet.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/06/2025 20:20

Sorry to read your update @Tulipsdaisy

It’s his problem

you and kids deserve better and enjoy the theme park tomorrow

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 20:23

I'm thinking back over the past couple of weeks for signs that something like this was incoming.

Only one thing springs to mind but it was a total non event (in my mind atleast?)

I was putting together a photo collage of a visit to a museum we went to the other week. I sent him one of the pictures and joked that he looked like a particular celebrity, it wasn't offensive to me as there's nothing wrong with this particular celebrity (not unattractive, not overweight, nothing) but he went in a right mood about it and barely spoke to me for two days.

Weird, I thought, but OK. I chalked it up to being stressed with work as he'd had a lot on. I left him to it.

We were OK again or so I thought. Laughing and joking again, discussing the trip and looking forward to it.

Surely this can't be an extention of that?

OP posts:
OneGreenViewer · 06/06/2025 20:27

What does he do for a job?

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 20:32

You haven’t done anything wrong op, or missed anything but you may have allowed a lot of strange moments to pass unchallenged, allowed him to get away with more than you would normally. Making excuses for his poor behaviour i.e. work stress.

Something has gone very wrong here op. He is not the man you thought he was. Treat him like a stranger, protect your space and life. Evaluate as neutrally as possible (imagine you are observing from the outside) It might help if you remember this is him, not you.