Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

[Tulipsdaisy]

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

There's a difference between being laid back and being a doormat. If you lie back while he walks all over you, you can't really complain when he keeps doing it.

That's such a terrible shame.
I can't comment about his reasons but is there something going on with his job? Especially as you cannot go without him as there is some connection with his work?
I do hope you are in a position (particularly financially) which will not prevent you doing something with your children?
Sorry. Lots of questions!
I sincerely wish you and your children all the best, and that you still have a super weekend together.
xxx

Yes on reflection I think you're right. It's also not consistent with what he said in the evening about just being annoyed with them.

I guess that's how men like this draw women in, by seeming reasonable on the face of things until you really stop to think. It's easy to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt and to keep assuming they have good intentions, but it's probably not wise.

It’s really uncomfortable the way he takes no accountability, blames his own child for his tantrum and doesn’t seem to notice or care the impact on your dc.

I also don’t believe for a second they ‘grew apart’ perhaps they did rather rapidly when she realised how selfish he is, and they keep things civil for the children, she needs a working relationship with him.

Giving him all of these chances is just showing you are willing to put up with this op. I understand your dc were looking forward to it, but you are now just cementing the dynamic that you are willing to tolerate his selfishness. You shouldn’t be surprised when you are in this position again soon enough. He now knows he can get away with it without consequences. This is precisely how men like this worm their way in.

He doesn’t really care about your feelings, he couldn’t even be bothered to reply last night, he certainly doesn’t give two shits about your dc. In my view, you are making a big mistake glossing over this and ignoring the bright red flags flapping in the wind 🚩

He is just in this to get his needs met (sex,,company, mother role for his dc in time) and does not love or even care very much about op. A bad egg indeed.

How on earth do you know any of this?! So much poor advice being given here just purely to encourage the OP to make herself single over this. Completely ridiculous

I.dont agree with this. Ppl can learn and change if they want to of course. Even grown adults can get caught up in bad emotional habits , I think giving someone one chance at correcting this is fair enough. He hasn't hit someone or killed someone but yes his behaviour is red flag. I think personally I'd go on the trip as an apology was made but explain when we get back we need to be clear about how we treat each other and what expectations op has regarding their relationship. If he carries on then I can understand you saying bin him

It's off. We are not going. He has just been so rude to me.

This would be a deal breaker for me - he sounds a bit petulant, controlling and unreliable.

Sorry you've been so messed around, at least you have an answer in a way. Has he been so rude it has crossed the line into ending it?

Hope you have a lovely weekend without him.

@Tulipsdaisy oh no?! I hope you and your kids have a lovely weekend together x

No way! And after that decent apology too….
Do something nice with your kids while you calm down and then think about whether you really want to spend time with this guy…

Cancelling on you and your kids is rude and selfish…but I’d be even more disgusted by his fair-weather approach to his own kids. A child under 10 upset him, so he decides he doesn’t want to be a father for the weekend and palms them off on his mum? Ugh. What a prince.

That is not okay to cancel at the lastminute especially when kids involved...give him the elbow and drop him.

It is very selfish and inconsiderate to do this, I'd not look past this everyone looking forward to it and you had arranged a dog sitter etc ...nope no okay to do what he has done...

Take your DC and do something else if you can...

Uugh. Have a good weekend without him.

What a plank. Still, at least you know now before more harm is done.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Do something else with the kids and bin him. He's really messing you around here.

Yep - I'd be binning him off, no backsies.

Sorry to hear that OP. I hope you can do something fun with your boys tomorrow instead.

He's probably angry at his tactics for messing you about not working any more. Well done for not putting up with bad treatment.

You sound lovely op. There are better people out there. Or just focus on you and your kids.

Yes, definitely do something else with your DC’s, make sure it’s a really fun time too, tbh I’d be rethinking my relationship with, he has shown he doesn’t care about you or your DC’s feelings, he doesn’t give a hoot for you all. I would tell him if this is his level of disrespect you don’t see a future with him.

Do you think he was bullshitting about the work accommodation?

That sounds better than going away with someone so inconsiderate and volatile. I hope you manage to create a fun weekend without him 💗