How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

[Amyrhaf]

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

Good on your DH for sticking up for you and making things clear.

SIL was well out of order. She sounds jealous and unhappy. Tell MiL that SIL just needs to apologise for being so rude. You are being the opposite of being weak, you are being boundaried.

And sorry but yes wife trumps anyone apart from children ! And if people cannot see this then their relationship is doomed . Loyalty to your wife ( and husband ) should be above that to anyone else

I don't think it's unusual. I can think of people like this who are over invested in their sibling's life. The key point - the sibling will be married with children and they won't be.

I am sure she is foul to them too. Probably disliked by everyone. Used to ordering and controlling others, and getting her own way unchallenged.

I would run with the opportunity to put some hard yards between you.

She’s 50, single and lives with her parents.

I’d imagine she’s feeling somewhat crappy about the way her life’s turned out and she resents you, who probably has what she’d loved to have. And because she’s bitter, she’s being a cow.

I’d delight in giving her the widest of berths and NEVER letting her know she’s annoyed or upset you.

I’d have probably stopped right down to her level and said something like “says the pathetic old spinster still living with mummy and daddy”. Childish yes but it would have made me feel better.

in reality I’d probably have said the above in my head and just rolled my eyes at her.

Sounds a but like my ex mil . Her daughter was getting married and her dh was obviously walking their dd down the aisle . Outside the church as she said " I need you " and promptly took his dh arm as they entered the church leaving me,and 2 young dc to find a place to sit whilst she took now exdh to the front pew where she was then joined by her husband once he'd walked his daughter in . I spent the whole ceremony livid with both mil and dh for doing it without question .

Silly woman!

I can fully understand you giving her a wide berth, I had similar, from sil. She's very jealous and controlling, she has made it clear when I leave my DH she'll be there to pick up the pieces, she herself has said he is always complimentary when he talks about me, it's in her mind, No contact with her toxicity

I’m surprised you gave it headspace. Poor lady is having a picnic without the sarnies.

I had a boyfriend whose sister was weirdly competitive with me, and honestly acted like she was his girlfriend. He unfortunately went along with it, too. So for instance if we were out and he held my hand, he'd hold hers too like some freaky thrupple.

She was so competitive with me that when we went hillwalking she stormed off at top speed at the start of what was to be a long day, in the spirit of one-upmanship of me, completely winded herself and then cried. He was all hugs and calling her "little one" and the hillwalk was called off as he lovingly held her hand to walk her gently back to the car park.

I've had other boyfriends with sisters before and since and invariably got on well with them, so I don't think that was me that was the issue, despite what he claimed.

Does she have a mental illness?

I'm pleased you said "had", and not "have." That's is crazy, creepy, and inappropriate all at the same time! It will scare off any future relationships as well I bet.

@TwinklyNight Is it a serious question because honestly I have thought there is something but I dont mean it in a horrible way, I do genuinely think there is something. If you are asking if she has a known mental illness then no… but even still people with mental illnesses are still able to be kind…. I think she is just mean x

😱😱

I'm pleased you said "had", and not "have." That's is crazy, creepy, and inappropriate all at the same time! It will scare off any future relationships as well I bet.

Oh me too, me too! Was many years ago.
He's actually married now with a couple of kids! But I have no more detail than that.

Is there some weird relationship thing going on here with her brother and your MIL?
I'm getting "bitty" vibes.

His sister is probably sitting in a cobwebbed room somewhere, in a wedding dress thinking she’s some kind of Miss Haversham. 🤮

I'm afraid in your shoes, I would have been rather explicit in explaining all the thing I could do for him as a wife that she cannot do as a sister! Possibly until she begged me to stop!

Don't waste another moment on her. She is not worth it and your husband sees it too.

Yes, I was serious. Maybe not illness but a learning disability or something. It just sounds really weird and doesn't make sense for her to say those things to you, for a harmless comment. As for the mil she's wrong to try to say it's ok.

His sister is probably sitting in a cobwebbed room somewhere, in a wedding dress thinking she’s some kind of Miss Haversham. 🤮

Quite possibly! The parents were actually really nice as well, that was the puzzling part.

Not needed where? You are married with children so presumably your DH lives with you- what does this refer to?

She's got MH problems is my best guess, probably due to not having any kind of a life. That's not your fault but I doubt anything will change until someone gets her some professional help as this type of behaviour isn't normal and you do see it sometimes in people who have limited life experiences. Your MIL sounds like she enables her behaviour. Tell your husband to deal with them, you need an apology not two daft bats distorting reality.

She sounds like a twat. I personally wouldn't mind not being 'needed', it's much better to be wanted. I'm sure your DH wants you, and what he wants is nothing to do with his sister.

Unless he’s having a sexual relationship with his mum and/or sister!! Tell her to buggaer off.
She just hates whoever it is that would have married into the family. She sounds delightful