AIBU to not want to host DH's friend on my own?

[VitaSays]

Several weeks ago DH invited a friend of his from out of the area to come and stay for a long weekend so that they could go together to some local rock-climbing and hiking events. These activities are something they both enjoy. I've met the friend briefly once before and he seems okay, but he was very quiet with me and noticeably more comfortable talking to other men. DH's set-up suited me: they'd be out for much of the day and I wasn't required to assume much of the social burden of entertaining.

Now, DH has been asked to attend a conference that will take place over two of the four days his friend is due to be here. DH doesn't actually need to go but wants to because of the professional contacts he'll be able to make. We've had a falling out because he's assumed that I'll be fine hosting his acquaintance on my own. He's all 'He'll be fine, he'll just go off every day and do his own thing. You'll barely notice he's here.'

Even if he does go out during the day, I'm going to have to spend evenings with him and I really don't want the pressure. Having someone here one-to-one is so much more intense than sharing the burden with DH.

DH has stomped off to bed accusing me of being unreasonable and saying that this guy has been looking forward to this weekend for months and that I'm ruining everything and that I'm getting incredibly unsociable. I think that's partly true: I'm getting older and I'm more fussy about who I put myself out for. We have great friends who are always a joy to see, but I don't think this man is ever going to be one of those. AIBU?

I would rather stick a fork in my eye than host a stranger on my own.

Your dh needs to rearrange the dates his friend is coming!

Absolutely no way are you being unreasonable or should you host this man. Unthinkable that your DH believes this is Ok

He either stays and hosts the friend himself, or rearranges the visit.

So you are being unreasonable not wanting to host his friend solo, but he is perfectly reasonable pissing off for 2 days??? Right. I see. YANBU Your DH is completely unreasonable and he needs to give his head a wobble!

YANBU and if I was the friend in this situation I would be equally unimpressed by your DH.

No way! Put it this way, would he host one of your friends if the tables were turned? Probably not.

DH's friend.
DH invited him.
DH's problem.
DH needs to sort it out.

You're not a part of any of that and don't have to be if you don't want to.

Fair chance the guest would rather not do this either.

It needs rearranging. YANBU.

Definitely not unreasonable, but your DH very much is! He doesn't get to dictate that you host in his place - he invited this guy to come and spend time with him, it's really rude to then ditch him for a conference. I'd be hacked off if I were the friend too.

What do you not like about this man out of curiosity?

What do you not like about this man out of curiosity?
Op said she doesn't really know him and he seems ok.
I'd i was in her shoes I wouldn’t want to share my house with someone I dont know for the weekend.
Dh needs to re arrange the weekend for one before or after the conference.

He seems like hard work. One of those quiet people who possibly doesn't have great social skills — or perhaps just isn't that comfortable around a lone woman.

DH has some male friends who I'd happily host on my own: some sociable, interesting men who I'd be happy to have dinner with on my own. But I wouldn't want to host them on my own for two, possibly three nights in a row.

Why can't he rearrange? Sounds like the friend is mainly coming to do something shared with DP on his invitation, not the events and there's always something on in summer. I think as he's a quiet guy anyway that would work much better for him. He'd probably find it weird to be expected to turn up, walk around alone and make small talk with someone he doesn't really know in the evening after a specific invitation to see DP.

Even tho I would let the friend stay in your position, YANBU at all to say no.

Maybe your DH would host your friend if roles were reversed but as PP said, it is his thing to deal with.

If it was something unmissable and he's an ok guy (even if not my favourite person) then fine, I'd let him get on with it. But it sounds like this is much more a social invitation

It sounds like DH and friend were planning a joint activity. The conference takes priority; however not only YADNBU but I imagine the friend would prefer to rearrange, also.

Well that’s the first post nailed it 😆

The local outdoors club, which DH is part of, has organised a weekend of activities to commemorate its centenary. DH and his friend only have to turn up and everything's organised — transport, routes, equipment, etc.

If DH has to rearrange it, all the stress of deciding what to do and where to go and all the logistics involved will fall on him.

I kind of get it. He did his friend a favour and then an opportunity came up and he doesn't want to completely back out of the favour. He is still disappointing the friend by not being around half the time as arranged and it's clearly much more of an ask of you to let you host someone you don't know well alone and he should understand that.

I would do it for my DH but make it abundantly clear he owed me.

If your dp is that worried about his friend he can choose to stay at home can’t he. Sounds like he is projecting his own guilt on to you.

DH has a choice cancel his friend and go to the conference or cancel the conference and his friend comes

simple as that

does he not even recognise this is a big ask? If my dh just assumed i would do this I’d say you’ve obviously been totally spoilt by me and I’m not your slave and no more favours full stop!!

It would be a big hard no from me. Plus I'd be furious that my OH had suggested it.

Your OH made the arrangement, you didn't. Remind him of that.

No way! He can rent an airbnb for the time your DH is away or just cancel.

Then it's on DH to be available to host.