DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

It sounds fairly reasonable on the face of it that an extra sharing dish ordered later could easily come out after the rest of the food was eaten though, if I’m reading it right.

Im assuming this is a ‘tip of the iceberg’ situation is it OP?

I would find it almost physically painful if someone continually interrupted me when I’m trying to speak on the phone. It’s distracting and I don’t blame your partner for being annoyed

Interjecting is interrupting

I just wanted something for myself in addition to what was already ordered

That's not how I read it

Thank you. I feel the same way and I don't make a big deal if someone says something if it's a casual call. I don't mind the input and I don't ignore people that way.

Don’t interrupt someone on the phone. They’re trying to listen while you’re talking.
Order whatever the hell you want

Why do you feel the need to constantly interrupt his phone calls though? It’s really annoying when you are trying to speak to someone and there’s someone there hovering beside you, making comments while you are trying to talk and listen to who ever is on the other end. Just let him talk in peace. If he wanted to share the conversation he would put it on speaker.

That being said, I think you need to have a conversation with him and explain that you feel left out of family plans and that your opinion doesn’t matter, and you would like him as your husband to involve you more .

But the majority of people do not appear to agree with you, including your OH

I think you interrupting a phone call regardless of who he's speaking to is rude and you need to stop that as it's obviously something that really annoys your husband. However, two wrongs don't make a right and he shouldn't chastise you like a little girl; you are his wife and he should treat you with love and respect.
In regards to the meal out, if they were ordering different dishes for the whole table to share, I get that as long as you had a good variety of choice that you could/would like to eat then I would be grateful for someone else paying. If he knew that you wouldn't eat what was on the set menu then yes that's very spiteful and wrong of him. Again, there's a way to speak to someone and the way he spoke to you in such a derogatory manner in front of his family was not on.
How is your relationship the rest of the time or is he always this aggressive and controlling towards you?

So was something like that happening?
Life threatening, critical danger if you didn't get attention RIGHT then?

Also if my husband ever told me I couldn’t order some food I would tell him to piss off and order it myself!

I am yes. He's also very controlling. I have to 'ask' him if I could send some money to my mum, or I buy an electronic item for example or some other big enough expense. He wants me to get his permission every time or gets ticked off even though it is never his money. I work full time and earn my own money, I contribute in the house bills ( I pay all the bills + half of groceries). If I ask him if he is spending something wherever, especially if it's about him spending on my in-laws, he tells me it is none of my business. But he expects me to ask him if I decide to spend money on my mum for example.

My husband was paying - I was hoping I'd be special for him. I didn't even mind paying for it myself actually.

OP I think you're being leapt on really unfairly by a thread of snippy individuals who for some reason have decided to slate you

I'm hearing you're in a controlling relationship with a bully and i advise you to hear over to Relationships board and share some more info there to get some more supportive replies, which I'm sensing you are in need of at the moment

Apologies if I've read this all wrong but I think the AIBU crowd are not what you need to be hearing right now

I find that so irritating and rude. Stop interrupting him.

Were any of those things happening when you interrupted his call?

My H doesn’t like me doing it either - however strangely has no issue when he does it if I’m on phone to our son or his dad etc . Does he do it to you OP? The restaurant thing though is horribly controlling

It's my biggest pet hate-and so rude. It doesn't matter who he's talking to - butt out and learn some manners.

Stop interrupting. It would piss me right off. My mother does it when I call my father. It is so rude.

Ahh and there we have it. He’s a controlling abusive arsehole. Instead of leading with the real problem, the OP has chosen to fixate on tiny, pointless small issues to deflect from the reality that she is living with a misogynist bully

my husband and his brother decided for everyone what we'd eat and they were hosting and paying for the lunch

Some confusion here?

What happens if you just don’t? Or tell him it’s none of his business either?

When you argue, how bad does it get?

I would also get annoyed at being interrupted on the phone. My husband does this , he will add to the conversation I’m having - he brings me into his phone conversations so it’s just his way - but I simply can’t have 2 conversations at once , I can’t hear both and I get overwhelmed .

However, what stood out in your post is that you asked if you could order something and he said no. Why are you asking his permission ? That in itself is not right,

Never talk to someone when they are on the phone, it is downright rude and annoying, it interrupts the train of thought and the person on the other end can hear. That is something I learned young; my parents would talk to me if I was on the phone to a friend and they were heard. It was highly embarrassing.

If you really need to interrupt a phone call, eg for an emergency, you do it as discreetly and as quietly as possible but never chime in, it's the height of bad manners.

I'm with your husband all the way on that one. I would be furious if I was him and I am quite an even tempered person by nature.

Yes I think it is. I'm quite sick of being told what to do and expected to ask for permission for everything and not be included in family decisions as if I'm not part of the family or an inderior member of the 'pack' that is his brothers and his mum and him.

I've been wanting to join a gym for the last 6 months and he keeps saying he doesn't approve because 'how would I manage relationships and home if I were to go to the gym'. I've become overweight and I feel pretty unfit and he doesn't want me to go workout in a public gym. Two days ago I just left the house and said I'm going anyway and he hounded me for wearing gym leggings and a regular but not super loose workout t shirt with half sleeves - he said my clothes are too tight etc etc. I can't workout in loose sports clothing I get chafing everywhere. I can't wear an upper etc on top of my t shirt because I overheat, my body overheats a lot when I workout.

All the food that came through actually came in instalments anyway and it wasn't a case of everything getting delayed because of one extra order.