DH tells me off publicly when I interrupt him while he's on the phone and I hate it - AIBU?

[Zeemie22]

My DH (44) tells me (36) off and doesn't hold back around friends or family if I interject while he's on a call, even if it is with a casual friend or one of his brothers or his mum or whoever else, not just business calls which I almost never interrupt. It makes me feel disrespected, like I'm small and I'm not allowed to be a part of that conversation even if it's his brother on the phone making plans for everyone getting together for a family lunch and me saying hey how about that XYZ place we went to. I said it thrice because DH ignored me the first two times. The third time he snapped at me and yelled that I have no manners and that I am interrupting him again and again while he's on a call. He was on a call with his brother. I'm his wife and I was to attend that lunch too as a guest at the restaurant my husband and my in laws were hosting.

Also, when I went to the restaurant there was a menu on the table and I picked it up and said can I order this - it was something grilled. He said no it is going to take a long time and they've already ordered and the food is going to come any minute. Well it took a good 20 minutes before the food arrived and I was only wanting a plate of mince grilled kebabs that I'm sure wouldn't have taken any longer than 20 minutes, and even if it did I wouldn't have had an issue waiting. And when he said no you can't order it, my MIL started laughing and I felt super embarassed. I felt insulted. I didn't want to to eat that table after that and my husband kept forcing me to eat when I had lost my appetite and started saying loud enough for others to hear well if you want a fight we will have a fight but not here, at home.

I felt insulted and belittled. Twice in a day.

Am I overthinking this? AIBU? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How would you have reacted?

I'm sensing a flounce.

And 'nest of vipers'/women should support women.. complaint?! 😆

I’m confused by the restaurant thing…why couldn’t you have just called the waiter over and ordered? Why did you feel the need to have his permission and why did he feel he had the right to refuse you?
As a grown adult, surely you’d just order your choice of food yourself

So… you interrupt him when he’s on the phone. Absolutely stop doing that; it’s really rude and annoying and totally unhelpful. YABVU.

I’m struggling to understand the lunch thing. Did you arrive late so that everyone else had ordered? Why were you a ‘guest’ of your husband and his family? Was it a case of food having been ordered for everyone to share and you deciding you wanted something different?

If you turned up late and/or wanted to order a different dish to what had been ordered for everyone, YABU on that too.

Don't interrupt people on the phone, why are you doing that?

I don't get the restaurant thing

Are people not reading the same OP I'm reading?

Husband snapped at wife very rudely, belittling her to his family when she was only trying to input an idea into an event she was also attending

He then overruled her food order

He then forced her to keep eating while she was upset and had lost her appetite

He then threatened her with a fight in front of everyone else - his family - warning her that they'd fight at home so not in front of anyone else

He sounds like a nasty controlling bully to me

Why is everyone else focusing on very specific bits, which without all this context make OP sound, I'll admit, mildly irritating?

Nobody asked me what I wanted - my husband and his brother decided for everyone what we'd eat and they were hosting and paying for the lunch which I understand. My husband paid for the lunch though and I just wanted something for myself in addition to what was already ordered which was a variety of dishes for everyone to share.

I don't understand the food thing..

DH is being quite rude in publicly berating you, but for goodness sake, stop interrupting his phone calls!! Ridiculous behaviour, even worse if it's a work call..

He's an arsehole. Being fair, it's annoying to be interrupted on the phone and since you know he doesn't like it you shouldn't do it, but the way he's dealing with it isn't right - he can say how he feels without belittling you and being a condescending prick. The restaurant stuff is totally shitty and not on, it's up to you not him what you order in a restaurant

He's right about the phone. Not once do you interrupt but THREE times. I'd be fuming and telling you to STFU.

Ordering food - why does he have a say in what you order. That's BU.

OP, I may have missed something, but I'm not sure why you're 1) listening to your husband's phone calls and 2) interrupting him?

@Zeemie22 have you posted before about being on holiday and unhappy that things weren't to your schedule re morning showers, hair drying and need for relaxed coffee?...

He would have told the waiter no and that would have been more insulting than asking him. I just felt super self conscious because there was extended family at the table and didn't want him refusing the waiter outright as that would have been a more public rejection.

Why didn't you say something when they were ordering?

So everyone was eating the same thing, ordered and paid for by two family members.
But you thought you were special?

How long have you been married?

You're not three - stop chipping into other people's phone calls. He even did the standard thing you do with annoying children by ignoring you twice before telling you to stop.

I always have to almost fight to make a case if I want something to eat that I prefer when his family is around, this isn't the first time he has refused to let me order something I want. I almost always end up in an argument and he tries to order for me, thinks he knows better etc etc

I think it’s more that her husband and brother ordered a variety of things for everyone to share. OP said ‘can we also have the grilled kebabs’ (ie another dish to be shared) and her husband said no.

Op used the word interject rather than interrupt , maybe she’s just trying to be part of the conversation when family plans are being made. I wouldn’t mind that at all, I would put it on speaker phone so others could join in.

Yes it’s rude. I cannot bear it when my husband does this to me, having a three way conversation whilst on the phone is rude

Never ever?

Not even if the house is on fire? Or the carbon monoxide detector going off?
Or you've fallen over and impaled yourself on something sharp and dangerous?
Or if your child is choking?
Or if your husband's new passport arrives and he needs to sign to take delivery?

Surely, depending on the circumstances, there are some occasions when interrupting a work call is OK?

If I'm presenting to the Board then it better be a grade A emergency which merits an interruption. However if I'm just in an online training course or having a casual catch-up with a colleague then it's not a big deal.

The phone call thing is annoying, don’t do that.

How rude to attend a hosted event and assume you can be an exception.

Refusing to eat your food is really childish.

LTB

We weren't late - we placed an order in advance via phone while on the way to the restaurant while everybody else was on the way too, it was a last minute lunch decision and not something pre planned.

I just wanted to be able to order something myself instead of just going with whatever was ordered for me. I didn't feel like I was included in that decision making process. It felt like my preference doesn't matter.