Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Haha, I still get embarrassed. I do stand my ground - I didn’t always, but I do now. However I never discount the possibility I might be wrong, and nine out of ten times it’s the employee not the boss in front of me, just doing what they’re told. I do sympathise with them and try not to make it about them. I also try and end with a thanks and a (metaphorical) handshake so we both come away feeling OK. But I won’t back down if I’m right.

You’re obviously in the wrong here, which you know. However the leisure centre are also at fault here, for not having a more stringent entry/exit policy to the soft play. It shouldn’t be possible to get in a back gate, this wouldn’t have happened if they’d organised themselves better.

Likely because they're more likely to remember admitting twins and unsure if the others had paid or not.

but you asked the mums not the centre staff.

Why would she not believe the mums?

Non issue.

“Really sorry about that. Won’t happen again. I’m sure you’ve seen all the other parents doing the same if you’ve seen me, so mind and tell them to pay up as well, yeh?”

Then crack on with your life.

OP, I think it’s better you’re you, and better not to wish you were like BrickBiscuit. Those comments from BrickBiscuit seem to suggest she really is a CF and proud of it. So even though she knew she should have paid, because there might have been someone else who at some point hadn’t, she argued that meant she shouldn’t have to pay either. That’s definitely an argument of 2 wrongs make a right.
Dont wish you were brazen, shameless and unwilling to accept wrong-doing, when wrong-doing had happened.

These people who run businesses are not the enemy to be scammed and cheated as far as can be achieved. They are offering a service, doing a job and making a living. When we use the services we enter a contract and we know we need to pay for what we use. Being determined to avoid that, or being determined to argue about being called out……well it’s the route of a lot of the problems in society.
No doubt BrickBiscuit likes to argue against any sanctions used by schooo, against her child, or will, regardless of whether her child has broken some rules. Might well be arguing that ‘others did it too’ as a reason for a punishment not to apply, rather than helping their kid see that actions have consequences….and you accept them and move forward.

You are embarrassed because you have been caught stealing.

You could have apologised, explained another told u it was OK, and offered to pay some amount. And offered to buy employee a coffee as put them in awkward situation.

That would be the gracious thing to do and you could happily tell the story of your misunderstanding and how happy u are to have generously sorted it.

I suppose if you've got twice as many children as the others it looks like more of a piss-take... are your DTs identical? If not maybe she thinks you're a CF nanny! I can't see why the gym wouldn't have just told the class leader to mention to the group that soft play must be paid for though. Don't let it put you off the class.

well they don't have the authority to say its ok.

OP has been doing it for 9 months, I hardly think that makes her NOT a CF just because she was embarrassed for being called out.

we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything
This is what you posted, op.
That wasn’t a confirmation that there was no entry charge, it was her telling you they always sneak in and nobody’s collared them yet.

But they know whether those in authority have required them to pay.

You clearly have never experienced the agony of social anxiety.

So you’d accept being told others doing the same thing have not been required to pay, but you’re going to pay anyway?

Why should the leisure centre have to go to the trouble and expense of this? Surely most people understand that you pay for an activity and do just that activity. Most of us don’t walk into shops and take the things from the rails and shelves home just because there isn’t a sign up to tell us we must go to the till. We don’t spend the day in cinemas roaming freely from film to film. We don’t pay to go to a gum class then go for a quick unpaid for dip in the pool to cool off. There is an awful entitlement to some parents in ‘assuming’ that the soft play is there to be used after classes by their darling children. And quite honestly I don’t believe them. They’re trying it on. Fine, do that, but then don’t moan and cancel classes in a strop because you get caught out!

The op doesn’t even know their bloomin names but seems to be very confident that none of them were paying either

She ‘believed’ the mums because it was convenient. Everyone knew people were paying to go in the front door. It’s a classic ‘everyone else was doing it so I thought it must be okay’ and choosing not to ask the person with authority to give an answer, and choosing not to go in the front door where the tickets would be checked.

There are totally honest mistakes that people make. However, this wasn’t one of them, because these Mums knew what they were doing wasn’t really right…but because they got away with it for months, it felt acceptable to them, and was then a shock when they were called out.

We can lie to ourselves for convenience. We can deliberately ask the person we know will give us the answer we want. We can choose not to ask the person who will give the answer we don’t want to hear. We can choose to go in the unmonitored back door and not the front paying door. And we can then lie to ourselves about all this too and say ‘we didn’t know and everyone else was doing it’ or we can be honest about the fact we were being cheeky and doing wrong. But some people just can’t do that and will always want to justify themselves and somehow even believe it themselves it seems…because it automatically comes out of their mouth and they’ve never really been willing to put their hands up to anything. I think some people see it as a weakness to do so. But it’s such a strength!

Maybe they did pay ,bur had occasionally snuck through the back gate. Also maybe they have a baby or one small child each.twins will stand out,you will be noticed.its really not on though.you are getting free play when there has to be a supervisor needing pay.also lighting etc.what about insurance if they got Hury would you be covered. I would rejoin and pay up.you have had a long free trial period!

Because they told her they weren’t paying?

This

All these women admitted to not paying
but didn’t feel they could share names with the op
sure

blimey, are you actually raising kids with that attitude?

You are using a fee-paying service, they ask you REASONABLY to pay, and you refuse to pay and make a scene?

That's another level of being a CF 😂

My sense of injustice overcomes my sense of embarrassment. at least you have a strong opinion of yourself. I guess you have to believe you are pretty special if you don't feel the need to pay when you should.

Ah don’t worry @ForestMum2020shit happens ! Who cares ? I don’t think it’s a big deal. I don’t think you did anything that bad tbh. It was an honest mistake under the circumstances you describe. Also, you know who you are and your intention - you weren’t doing it on purpose. Who’s this dumb manager that waited 9 months to tell you anyway ? She’s no one to you. She’s completely irrelevant. Don’t give her that power!

Yes, I would. Because 2 wrongs do not make a right.
If I had been caught red-handed, I’d uncomfortably own it and if asked to pay, I would. I am responsible for myself.

Rarely will every wrong-doer get caught doing their wrong. Loads of people park illegally and get away with it. Some people get caught. The fact the others weren’t caught doesn’t mean those caught can avoid their fine, or should argue against it.

If I choose to do something I know I shouldn’t, I probably hope to get away with it. But when I make that choice, I accept that if I’m caught, I will have to face the consequence. And the consequence is on me, not the person who is enforcing the rules that in honesty, I knew were there, or at least would have if I had chosen to check with those in a position to comment with authority….but deliberately chose not to ask.