Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

You’re looking at it all wrong OP, you’ve paid £16 for 9 months worth of softplay sessions. Bargain !

so on reflection I probably thought the leisure centre were happy to take it on the chin in favour of the coffee revenue that they otherwise wouldn’t have got
You post that, while still claiming you didn’t realise you had to pay, op 🙄

There’s a local pub here with a soft play that’s free to use.

I have been to at least 3 pubs/cafes that have free soft play.

Its a great way to bring customers in as most people go and eat there for that reason.

I think you're taking a lot of flak and being very reasonable about it OP. I understand your situation totally, and I'm pretty sure I'd do and feel exactly the same. Even down to feeling so angry/embarrassed that I'd just cancel the damn thing!

There's a lot of righteous outrage being expressed here but you've got nothing to beat yourself up for. It was a human situation you found yourself in, and for my money you reacted with good grace to a dressing-down from a suddenly observant leisure centre manager. A lot of mums round our end would give that young lady more than an earful back, with assertive body language too.

How do you stop yourself overthinking this? By looking back on your calm and sincere apology at the time, and rueful, good-humoured responses on here. It's called civilised behaviour.

.

Perhaps really your frustration, anger and embarrassment here - and why you don’t want to go back - lies, not with what the manager said, or that you got caught out (or even singled out) but in what the other parents with you did. Which, from what I can tell was absolutely nothing. You felt singled out here and the reasonable thing for the others to have done would have been to put their hands up and said, ‘us too, we were all wrong’. Feeling bad because you were not supported by the people with you is absolutely fair. You should and they were wrong in not supporting you.
But own that disappointment and don’t put the blame on the leisure centre for asking people to pay for their services.

Honestly the leisure centre manager won’t give a shit - I work in one, we see literally 100s of people a day, they won’t have given you/the issue a second thought. Go back and in the meantime think about all that money you’ve saved from not paying 😃

Yep, I think this is it.

Im sure I’ve been a CF sometimes too. Many of us have probably lied about the age of a small child, so they get in free or cheaper. Or we’ve sneaked an extra person into something. And then somehow we’ve been caught. And usually we are embarrassed and we kind of lie and pretend we didn’t know and feel a bit awkward.
Afterwards, most of us accept we were being cheeky and got caught. We move on. Maybe we don’t do it again. But most people don’t decide the person whose job it is to make sure everyone has a ticket, has victimised them and that the manager rather than them were in the wrong. Most people remmeber that they were a CF in the first place.

And actually in some posts OP is doing that. She’s got that self awareness that she could have checked with reception months ago…..and that really she was in the wrong. But at the same time, she’s still struggling with feeling hurt and humiliated and her instinct is to blame the other person. It’s quite normal, but as adults we have to get that stuff in balance and be able to recognise when we’ve brought this on ourselves. And we have to deal with feeling awkward and embarrassed without needing to lash out at others, but to understand our own responsibility and that sometimes we can and need to pay the price. It’s a strength, but lots of people seem to think it would be giving in and that must never happen.

And yes, I agree that this thread has hopefully helped you think it through and move on.

Tomorrow you’ll feel a bit embarrassed about what happened, but much less than today. Tomorrow, you’ll be able to be a bit honest with yourself and acknowledge that while yes, they could have made their signage clearer and picked up on everyone, that actually you had spent 9 months avoiding paying £16. And you can also remmeber that you apologised and went and paid, and keep perepsective that the manager probably has lots of these conversations and won’t remmeber you next time. That you can hold your head high and smile at them as you go in…because you apologised and paid when the issue was brought up. You didn’t shame yourself by arguing the toss and trying to wriggle out of a fair point. And if you see the other mums and they mention it, you can laugh light heartedly and say ‘Yes, that was a bit embarrassing, but 9 months wants a bad run really’ and just leave it up to them if they continue to cheat the system, and leave it to the centre staff to catch them or not. None of that has to be your concern.

But you can certainly go there again without shame or annoyance or anything. Little blips like this happen all the time. You did the right thing to apologise and pay. Now you can just move on and carry on. It’s just one of those little set backs that life is full of and which don’t have to be big problems or make us bitter. Keep perspective. It’s over and done with.

I’ve taken kids to climbing that afterward free roam in soft play- all in the price, and our toddler gymnastics had soft play toys they got out after. I would have done the same as you but glad you are going to get help for your anxiety. Take care

I voted yunbu, manager seems out of order.

It's hard to tell from the OP whether it was clear that it wasn't included.

She should have had it out with all the mums. Not just you. I wonder if you appear gentler hence why she went for you. Lecturing you for 5 minutes is too much.

A warning to all of you would have sufficed. The rules there seem to be lax.

I'm quite like yourself. I wouldn't go back because of a very unpleasant encounter like that. You won't be paying almost 20 pound a pop so I can't imagine you wanting to go back anyway.

but you have no idea what the situation is, only what the OP saw.

Maybe others do actually pay, maybe others go often and pay often - so management is happy to give them 10mn free once a week.

The OP feels she is being single-out, maybe she was, but likely she was not

God, people are so rule abiding on here 🤣

I had a similar class. The class was in the gym area, and the only place for a coffee afterwards was opposite the soft play with no barrier.

I already paid £15 per class. So while I technically should have paid for the soft play, really we were only there for half the time, if that, while I drank a coffee. I was already paying for a coffee so I did begrudge paying another tenner for soft play!! So my kids did run in while I had a quick coffee, I did the same thing, only I never got pulled up on it. If I did, would have gladly paid that day and feigned innocence - knowing at least I had got away with it for a bit!

I think you should ring and ask speak to the manager of the woman that told you off: try and negotiate a special price for the post class people to pop in for a coffee. Seeing as people usually stay at soft play for an hour and you are only popping in. It’s worth flagging with them, also that you were singled out and embarrassed despite multiple people doing it, which is unfair.

Presumably paying for soft play and gymnastics is too expensive for all but the very wealthy. It sounds like it was an unwritten perk that the kids could use it for being gym members when it otherwise wasn't being used.

You're not depriving them of income as the combo is priced too high.

I think the leisure centre manager was wrong to confront you and embarrass you. You of course felt singled out. If they decided to change the unwritten rule then they should have put a sign up on the gate, or emailed all gym class participants to make them aware of the rules.

Hold your head up high and take your kids back to the class if you can't find a better one where they are kinder to their mums.

£16 for 9 months of soft play is cheap. You are a cf and yabu. You knew it wasn't free. You cutting off your nose to spite your face re cancelling your membership but your choice. Will you ever need to use the leisure centre again?

Excellent post.

I would react the same way as you and I would cancel my membership too. I think the manager could have reacted differently and shouldn't have been watching you for a long time, they should have questioned if you're aware there is a cost and should have requested you to leave now and not charge you or suggest you can stay and pay. They overreacted in my opinion! I can't understand why they didn't ask you after one time and instead they continued to monitor you.
At the end of the day, you spend 10 mins in there, not an hour so I wouldn't feel guilty, but they handled it rudely and they've lost a customer. Find your twins a new class and put it out your mind. Very unfair if they don't do the same with other parents.

Meh, it's not the end of the world. So you went into the soft play after a class, it's not like you stole out of the till.
The manager needs to work on customer service skills, she could have discreetly caught your attention on the way out and said 'I'm not sure if you are aware, but there is a fee to use the soft play. I will waive it this time but in future it will be £16 per visit'

I would just chalk it up to experience. You've paid for the gym lessons, so the leisure centre has got money out of you. There are multiple ways they could have prevented parents from classes using the soft play. I wouldn't go back either.

Ah you won't care about this in a few days so may as well stop caring now. It was a bit of a trek anyway so she's done you a favour and no way would you want to be paying an additional £16 a week on top of your membership.
If she was that bothered to give you a lecture for 5 minutes she should have pulled you up the very first time she spotted you. I probably wouldn't want to go back either.

So if the cafe is nearly empty then you can eat for free?

If the petrol station is empty: free petrol?!

It’s clearly ridiculous.

If I pay for a croissant in the morning it doesn’t entitle me to a free sandwich at lunch.

Yeah you could just have asked at the desk "Is it right that we get the soft play free after the class?" Like months ago! If the effort that would have taken, wasn't worth being sure you weren't stealing, then you aren't that bothered about stealing! I'm honestly not surprised that the manager wasn't that nice to you!

I wouldn't go back either. Yes, you were in the wrong, but so was everyone else, and it's the manager's response to it that I take issue with. Had she said something the first or second time it happened, I don't think you would have reacted as you did, or felt as you do. She singled you out, as from the sounds of it, you were in there at the same time each week with the same group of mothers and kids. She's also admitted to watching you for months, which is creepy and unprofessional not to mention passive aggressive. Why wait so long to speak up, and why only to you? Maybe it's the twins that make you stand out, but again, she'd have had to be blind not to notice that you were the same other mums. It feels personal, and I don't blame you for therefore taking it personally. I would have been upset too, for many reasons, including embarrassment. Being scolded as an adult by another adult is just.....awful.

The sense of entitlement on this thread is astonishing. I am not talking about the OP

I was already paying for a coffee so I did begrudge paying another tenner for soft play

Presumably paying for soft play and gymnastics is too expensive for all but the very wealthy.
You're not depriving them of income as the combo is priced too high.

CF expecting everything for free never cease to amaze me