Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

@ForestMum2020I had a bit of sympathy but you've lost me with the whole have you never been anywhere with a free softplay?

Leisure centre... leisure centre activity...why would it be free?!?

I feel like you are trolling at this point.

I don't think there's any such thing as a free soft play.

However, if I had been one of the other mums who had also been going in for free, I would have said to the manager, "I'm so sorry. I have been in without realising I had to pay too".
I then would have paid.

I can't believe those mums stayed silent and watched the manager single you out. They should have spoken up in my opinion.

It wouldn’t be free would it, it would be included in my membership?

My leisure centre has similar soft play - most do.
It's timed entry, you pay for 1 hour. Sometimes they are strict on times, sometimes when it's very quiet you can stay for much longer.

Normal parents are grateful when it's a quiet day and they get a chance to stay longer. Total non-issue.

Let's hope the CF poster above is not going to ruin it for everybody, and throw a tantrum the day she's asked to respect the hourly slot because it's not faiiiiir that other parents sometimes stay longer 😂

OP, me and a friend used to do exactly the same as you when our dcs were little. Took them for a free go in the soft play after a class. It was empty and nobody ever noticed.

Please go back to the class if you want to. The manager will know you paid on exit so you're all square now ... and you can greet her with a smile if you ever see her again. As you said, she noticed you because you've got twins. Try not to dwell on it. Nobody else will.

OP I think the posters on here have been really harsh, which is generally the case in AIBU. But I can see why you feel mortified, and sad, and embarrassed.

Being singled out from the others doing it is the really crappy part too. So don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's valid! People on here need to work on their empathy and understanding a LOT today!!!

It could be included in your membership, but that's in the information pack or whatever you have when you join in?

You don't assume it's free?

I think you are massively over-reacting, it's not big deal. They ask you to pay, you say "isn't it included in the class? Oh sorry" and everybody forgets about it.

Oh Op
this thread is on the turn
thanks to your updates revealing more and more 😆

either way, you’re adamant that your kids won’t give a damn about no longer going
and given you don’t even know the name of any one of these women

really…. No big loss to you, your kids, the gym, or the other women

OP, your comments aren’t quite consistent.

Either you never had any sense it was a paid for service and were always fully under the impression that it was free for all. Or you had a suspicion at certain points that really it was a paid for service, but somehow a group of you were able to get away without paying on an on-going basis.

These are not the same thing.

Sometimes people change their own version of what happened to justify themselves. Sometimes they don’t even realise they are doing so.

But OP you said you’d moved in and seen this as a learning experience. Didn’t this involve acknowledging you had been a bit cheeky. It wasn’t the crime if the century, but really you knew it wa as payable service and you were giving your kids a few minutes without paying each week. Yes, it was along with others, but you were choosing to do it.

But maybe you are still aggrieved about the manager speaking to you. Although you said they weren’t aggressive, you didn’t like being spoken to. And some people didn’t seem to think anyone has a right to speak to them about anything they’ve done or call them out on anything…..that somehow they can be exempt from being confronted, because they don’t like being spoken to. But it ps actually just a consequence of doing something wrong. Sometimes you get caught. Sometimes others don’t and you do. Sometimes others do and you do. But anyone caught surely is a bit unlucky but was wrong. And really the wrong just needs accepting. life isn’t always exactly fair. Sometimes we get away with things and sometimes we get caught. But when we are wrong and caught, isn’t it better to just accept it, rather than try to suggest we were never wrong and the person whose job it was to run the business and get people to pay for the service, was somehow wrong, instead of us.

You moaned that it cost you £16 to use it once when you've been using it for free for 9 months.

You literally said £16 'is not cheap'?! Why would it be cheap when everyone tries to sneak in and not pay anything at all?!

I'm not surprised you're embarrassed but only because you shouldn't have taken the piss.

You knew the facility was meant to be paid for from the start. So it's good you don't go there anymore. You're not a customer, you're stealing their services.

But the onus would again be on you to check? Either way, what goes for one gym and membership doesn't necessarily go for another.

Anyway, please just take some time to put into perspective for yourself that this really isn't the most heinous crime ever and you evidently are embarrassed that you got caught out. It must be tough having twins, and I don't doubt that that was why the manager approached you and not the other mums! Take some consolation in the fact that she didn't make you pay for the other sessions!!

OP just to say I understand your not wanting to go back, even though 'it's not a big deal'.

Someone (a customer) shouted at me in my sports centre the other day in a really rude way, about breaking a rule, and even though staff came along and told her she was wrong, I was very upset by it and don't want to go back to that part of the gym. I was shaken and upset by it and don't know why. I'm normally a very hardy type!

it would be a shame to cancel the classes though, if your daughters enjoy it?

The other mums who'd said they didn’t pay were actually sitting there watching the OP get ‘caught’. That’s not unlucky, that’s being singled out.

Maybe you should stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, (you sound like a 10 year old) and accept that we’re all responsible for ourselves.
If you’re in the wrong, you’re in the wrong regardless of how many others are too.

Well the manager didn’t sound worried about what everyone else is doing - so perhaps it wasn’t so wrong after all.
[PS if it happened to a ten-year-old, it would likely have been construed as bullying]

Sorry if they’ve been inconsistent.

I didn’t particularly assume one way or the other, my only assumption was that if it was a paid for service, they weren’t bothered by people going in after classes when it was quiet. It’s non-rivalrous. And this assumption was made after a few weeks of no one saying anything. We were all spending money on coffee and whatever, most weeks the girls would get some sort of snack out of me, so on reflection I probably thought the leisure centre were happy to take it on the chin in favour of the coffee revenue that they otherwise wouldn’t have got.

But I should have checked. I should have actually asked way back when.

My word people - be NICE!!!!!

She got singled out and is embarrassed and trying to process it. She's never once said she thought she was in the right. She has explained and apologised over and over - on here and in real life!

But yes, I know Mumsnet, kick her while she's down.

Stepping away from the keyboard tonight, this isn't a nice place at all today.

I don’t think people are reacting to what the OP did in initially using the soft play. She chanced her luck and many would. It’s what she has done since, both in taking her children out of their gymnastics class (they did nothing wrong but are the ones losing out here), and in her subsequent posts which have got increasingly defensive of what she did. Try and get away with something if you want but don’t then put the blame on everyone but yourself when you get caught out!

But some people just love to stick the boot in, don't they?

Yep. And some people only dare to do it on here. Can spot them a mile off, they’re normally the first or second poster on a thread all hyped up on their online only bravado.

BrickBiscuit, but this is life….that not everyone always gets caught.

Most people don’t ’dob in’ their fellow rule breakers. And most people are able to accept that the business can choose who to pursue and who not to. Fairness isn’t the key thing.

Every year, shops prosecute some shoplifters and not others. It doesn’t give those prosecuted a leg to stand on. It wouldn’t be a defence in court and it doesn’t make the wrong-doing right.

This idea that there was some kind of singling out, suggesting there was victimisation going on….no. Often businesses struggle to enforce oayment or some other rule with everyone. They choose to speak to one person or prosecute one person and often this is an effective way at curbing the behaviour of others too. It’s just a normal way of working. It is not a reason to refuse to allow the rules to be applied to yourself. And it sounds like you’d try this argument….and perhaps sometimes it has succeeded because sometimes managers or others are cowed by such arguments and bullied into backing down, when they are making a valid point. Maybe that’s a point of pride for you. Some people want to avoid any responsibility (and some never believe that they actually even have any) and almost see it as a game to never take any consequences. Some are determined to ensure there are never any for their kids either. I wonder what they think are the long term benefits for their kids of that really?

Why didn't they say something before? And why did she make an example of you?

Oh dear - classic first world problem. In my view, you were taking the piss and the manager was just doing her job in pulling you up. Maybe she could have been a bit more diplomatic , but perhaps she was shocked at your sense of entitlement.

Shame that you're cancelling the kids classes - why should they suffer just because your flaunted the rules.

Also, the manager was being a dick. The way to approach it would’ve been addressing everybody, so they didn’t single anyone out, or putting a sign up: ‘‘hey parents, we’ve noticed you’ve been using the soft play after your class. We’re glad your little ones enjoy it, but unfortunately, it is a pay-to-play, and is £16 per session of future.’

I would not Go there again

classic first world problem

Honestly, what does this mean? Unless we’re starving in a drought, we can’t have any problems whatsoever in Britain unless they’re on a pre-approved problem severity scale aligning with natural disasters? Could you let us know who decides? 🤷