To want to leave the US but DH is dead against it?

[BotAsp]

Bit of a rant tbh. We’ve been in the States nearly 6 years now (moved for DH’s job), and I’m just so done. The politics, the healthcare stress, the guns in schools — all of it. DD is 4 and starting pre-K in Sept and I’m lowkey freaking out. It all feels so alien and I just want her to grow up somewhere I don’t have to worry about lockdown drills or insane medical bills for a cough. I miss the NHS like mad.

DH thinks I’m being dramatic. He loves it here, his job is good, we’ve got a nice house, etc etc. But I feel so trapped. We barely have any proper support, I feel like I’m constantly having to translate everything — culture, language, even bloody humour. I’m homesick and just want to be able to pop round to my mum’s with DD and not need a 10-hour flight and 3 weeks off work to do it.

I’ve tried talking to him but he shuts it down every time. Says I’m not thinking long-term and we’d regret moving back. But honestly I don’t see how it’s worse than this? I’d take a smaller house and rain over anxiety meds and school shootings.

Has anyone been in this boat and come out the other side? Just feel like I’ve got no one to talk to here who gets it. Don’t want to drag DD back and resent DH forever but don’t want to stay and go quietly mad either.

Is it me? AIBU?

How often are you being robbed? Where do you live that this is such an issue?

getting dentist and doctor's appts is impossible,

It’s not and if you think getting a GP appointment is impossible you need to change surgeries. I was recently asked if I could come in the same afternoon. There are very few NHS dentists but plenty of private ones, mine treats patients’ children under 18 free of charge.

Ah the usual trope....Why because they disagree with you? Look what that did for the remoaners!

Perhaps if we had a more proactive Police force and judiciary we'd have less crime and the public would feel less under threat.

For a start given were one of the most surveilled countries in the world. all face coverings in public spaces should be banned!

I'd want to use whatever means available to me to protect me and my "stuff", after all I work hard for what I choose to own.

Yes. And it belongs to me and not to the robber.

In America someone tries to take your "stuff" you in god's hell try and stop them. I've seen in America people shoot and neutralise home invaders. They didn't welcome them in and say "oh please take all my stuff".

In Texas a man came and stopped a home invasion in someone else's home. He shot the burglars and is seen as a hero.

They didn't welcome them in and say "oh please take all my stuff".

Perhaps if we had a more proactive Police force and judiciary we'd have less crime and the public would feel less under threat.

Perhaps if their funding hadn’t been cut to the bone we would.

I work hard for what I choose to own.

Then choose to insure it.

Not me. It's just I'm happy that in America, there's a culture of defending yourself and your property.

Exactly. Defend yourself when you can. So many American I know laugh at our laws on self defense and think it's a joke. They use us as an example of "never give up your guns".

yes they are !! That at is my experience...and a great many others...

my experience is appts are very difficult to get....

I can see by your other posts you are on here to be obtuse and just contradict people

I'd rather live somewhere that I don't have to defend my property. But do you I guess.

I’m countering your misinformation with facts. If you find it difficult to get a GP appointment change to a surgery like mine where it’s not difficult. 🤷‍♀️

Eh!

I am giving facts appts. are impossible and changing surgery makes no difference I've tried that already....

so where is this magical place that you live that appts are so readily available?🤔

This is not about living in the US vs living in the UK.

This is about where the OP and her DH want to live. The fact is she wants to move back whether it’s “better” or not, they had agreed to move back before now, and they have family and friends here which counts for a lot regardless of which country is “better”.

I’m the opposite to you - spent most of my life in the US and then moved to the UK and had kids. I’ve been here almost 18 years.

i still have times when I get very frustrated with things (NHS, schools, govt, etc). I noticed that the anxiety and frustration were worse at the “big” time points - starting school, moving to secondary, moving house or at times of serious illness, etc.

I think this is normal of most expats, to be honest. When you grow up in a culture/system, you just understand it. But when you move someplace new - everything take effort to learn.

Even the little things - I remember being flummoxed by the post office and lightbulbs 😳😳 I now think the UK post office is so much better than in the US.

Cant really comment on whether you should come back or not but hopefully wanted to reassure you that these are common thoughts and things will probably settle as you get more used to and involved in the system.

Cambridgeshire.

Yes, I've lived in the US and come into contact with those that have this belief system.

They're the type that fly flags, vote Trump and hate foreigners. Frequently survivalists.

This type of people are the main reason I hated living in the US. Unstable and dangerous. The type of people that kill innocents like Trayvon Martin and support the police in actively killing African Americans.

I am not anti gun. My ex has rifles and goes game shooting. The difference is, in the UK they are licensed and are required to be kept safely in locked cabinets, which will be inspected by the police. And if you let your licence expire, the police will come and remove your guns.

The US is a free-for-all for violent and dangerous gun use. I don't want children killed in schools by that insanity.

Depends where you are.

Some areas it's bloody hard to change GP as the other surgeries are closed to new patients. Number of GP per number of patients varies hugely across UK and in some area has considerably grown which is going to affect avaliblity in those areas.

We do have a NHS dentist for kids - but our current area no NHS dentists for adults since we moved a decade ago. Where family live different parts of teh UK - that only been post covid there's no NHS denistry - and IL still have NHS.

TBH we have world class treatment on NHS - we've also had truely awful so much so lives have been under threat and complaints upheald. It depends on location and what you have - across NHS borders same condition experinces can be very different.

I personally still think it's better than USA system - but if OP has good health coverage she could still be better off than in some parts of the UK - she not said where in UK she thinking of moving to and as other poster have said there is option for something to go private on top of NHS coverage.

Been there. Haven’t read the whole thread. Depending on where you’re from in the UK, you might want to do your diligence on what matters to you. Locrating is good for schools, and also check whether your children would actually get a place or whether it’s over subscribed. Check actual class sizes. Check the local Facebook page of the village and ask about doctors appointments (for example, we keep getting pushed to go to the pharmacist, who is hopeless, which then means more time off work), availability of childcare/nannies who are actually reliable (are you sure your family will actually do school drop off/pick up). UK salaries are ridiculously low, people think £100k is a lot, but in most places it’s insufficient for a mortgage for an average home, which means you end up renting, with minimal legal protection if you get a rogue/hobby landlord. Costs here are quite high, for regular things like food and utilities, but also for weird things like parking fines (don’t ever forget to pay the Dartford tunnel crossing, or leave your car parked when a parking payment meter is broken, because it’s hundreds of pounds in fines each time).

Check that your children have the right to be UK citizens, because if not, it’s expensive to bring them over as you need to pay for access to schools/NHS. (I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it’s just another thing to bear in mind).

If your ex used his rifles to defend his property against robbers would you disapprove?

Do you laugh at the statistics that over 100 children are unintentionally killed by firearms each year, normally in their own homes?

Of course not. It goes to show that guns should be secured safely and not just left lying around.

Guns are not the leading cause of death for children in the US. The source for that claim is counting 18-year-olds and 19-year-olds in “children and teens,” which skews the data. The leading cause of death for children - as in minors - in the US is motor vehicle accidents.

www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/02/07/is-gun-violence-leading-cause-death-children/

I'm all for responsible and safe gun use if I lived in the USA. Secure storage at home. Not letting it be easily accessed by children. When wearing it in public, making sure you're trained to use it. And only pointing it at something you intend to destroy. As in no pointing at friends as a "joke".

In America it's a thing for dads to teach their sons gun safety.

He wouldn't do that. It wouldn't even cross his mind. And I'm not a fan of the bloke (he's my ex for a reason!).

We had a guy here that DID do that 26 years ago. He killed the boy breaking in by shooting him in the back. He went to jail. The only people in the UK who use weapons against others are criminals or very occasionally law enforcement. Not even our police carry guns. No need.

Ironic considering it's men and guns that are the problem...

Hasn’t this thread been derailed enough?