To want to leave the US but DH is dead against it?

[BotAsp]

Bit of a rant tbh. We’ve been in the States nearly 6 years now (moved for DH’s job), and I’m just so done. The politics, the healthcare stress, the guns in schools — all of it. DD is 4 and starting pre-K in Sept and I’m lowkey freaking out. It all feels so alien and I just want her to grow up somewhere I don’t have to worry about lockdown drills or insane medical bills for a cough. I miss the NHS like mad.

DH thinks I’m being dramatic. He loves it here, his job is good, we’ve got a nice house, etc etc. But I feel so trapped. We barely have any proper support, I feel like I’m constantly having to translate everything — culture, language, even bloody humour. I’m homesick and just want to be able to pop round to my mum’s with DD and not need a 10-hour flight and 3 weeks off work to do it.

I’ve tried talking to him but he shuts it down every time. Says I’m not thinking long-term and we’d regret moving back. But honestly I don’t see how it’s worse than this? I’d take a smaller house and rain over anxiety meds and school shootings.

Has anyone been in this boat and come out the other side? Just feel like I’ve got no one to talk to here who gets it. Don’t want to drag DD back and resent DH forever but don’t want to stay and go quietly mad either.

Is it me? AIBU?

You certainly don't have a legal right to kill someone trying to rob you in the UK.

Morally yes. In the USA even legally yes in many red states. You have the god given right to stand your ground.

You may think that you had the moral right, but if you killed a mugger or a pick-pocket in the UK, you would go to prison.

If you spend this much time thinking about killing thieves, I'd say you should be moving to a nicer area... it shouldn't be a major concern.

We’re not going to agree, are we? You think things are more important than people and I don’t.

Yes it also attracts people who just want to have a go at others.

I'm by no means a right wing nut job, but I do live in Northern Ireland where people who have murdered people (and I don't mean just terrorists), are being let out of prison due to their 'mental health' and other not believable reasons. We are the most dangerous place in the UK and come second in Europe for being the most dangerous place to be a woman. 42 women died at the hands of someone they knew between 2017-2024. More have been murdered this year.

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/the-42-females-who-have-been-killed-in-ni-in-the-last-eight-years/a653713022.html

I'm not saying it's ok to kill, do not put words in my mouth. What I am saying is, I do think the terrible justice system in the UK has people taking the law into their own hands, and I can see why. There's an ongoing case here of a man that murdered a young woman (after raping a 12 year old and he was allowed out), cut her into pieces, ate part of her and disposed of her body in a bin, where she lay for weeks before being found.

The court case which would put him behind bars where he should be keeps being postponed because he has 'mental health difficulties'. He deserves locked up for life and if his mental health is that bad that he can cut a 21 year old up, eat part of her and throw the rest in a bin, keep him off the streets by whatever means.

But if you want the likes of him breaking into your house, and you don't defend yourself and your family, work away. Women here are sleeping with hammers besides their beds. If I had to use a hammer to defend myself and my loved ones, if someone who means me harm ends up in my house, you can be sure I'm going to do it. It does NOT make me a right winged nutcase.

This country is a joke to be honest. But technically yes I've read where burglars have been killed. That case with that farmer. He did nothing wrong.

Still went to prison.

My son's highschool has them monthly. We don't live in an economically deprived area either.
Last month that had to make use of the lockdown protocol due to an incident.
We may not have guns but we're not safe from threats at any stage unfortunately

It is "just stuff" though.

I am a US citizen with children and parents here. If I could move us, lock stock and barrel, I would. I think the US is on course to sink to third world status economically and by every metric (education, health, income, public services) over the next three to ten years. It may not be possible to claw back into the 20th century, let alone the 21st. So even though the UK has its problems, obviously, I would still move back if I were you.

I don't care if a mugger dies (given they say they'll kill you for your stuff). Pickpockets are non-violent (I think), so at most they just deserve a good thumping.

Our kids don't go round shooting their class mates though.

Jumped the shark I think.

I'm talking about the 2024 Marcus Smith case. It's a joke that Tony Martin went to prison, but I'm glad it was only 3 years. Everyone should have a right to defend themselves AND their property.

People who try and violent rob people deserve it coming to them if their victim uses deadly force. No one has the right to steal things from another.

I was responding to a poster who was positively salivating at the thought of killing anyone who tried to rob them. They were glorifying violence and vigilantism.

Why on earth would I want the man you are describing in your post to go free? I don't think that murderers, rapists and child abusers shouldn't be punished. They should go to prison for a very long time. Just because I don't believe in vigilante justice and ex-judicial as well as judicial killing, doesn't mean that I think that there shouldn't be harsh punishments for evil men such as the one you have described.

Do you or your husband have siblings who have kids? The lure of cousins growing up together can be a good one.

I can see why you want to leave but since you have been away the UK has taken a big downturn.

I live in a nice area but even that has changed massively ...the NHS is on its knees, getting dentist and doctor's appts is impossible, I'v been in my area 20 years and it has never looked so grim...too many different cultures that don't mix I popped into a cafe and no one speaking English I feel like a foreigner in my own country it is not a nice feeling...

Trouble at a school near me bad behaviour, bottles thrown at people contained water but who knows...what it could have contained.

The UK is not what it was a few decades even one decade ago, if I was younger I'd be looking to leave..

And I have every right to defend myself and my property. If robbers in America don't want to be shot at, they should try not robbing people.

Me too.

I've never felt as foreign in any other country as I did in the US, despite the fact that we have the same language.

But it is still "stuff".

Do you live in a very violent area?

How many of these murders were home invasions? Reading the story you posted, most of the perpetrators were partners. One was the woman's son.
That is typical for most murders - very few are by strangers.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't have stricter bail and punishments for murderers but the fact is you are every unlikely to be assaulted let alone killed by someone breaking into your house.

Violence for self defense is perfectly fine in my eyes. When an American uses their concealed carry weapon to defend themselves and neutralise a threat, I feel very happy. Also if you kill the robber, they won't be robbing anyone else anytime soon.