This isn’t fair

[Raynaodld]

Me and DH are in the process of getting back together after separating. He came back with terms and conditions saying he would only agree to work on the relationship if he didn’t have to “help” with the kids all week. For context: I am a SAHM and he has never been hands on. Always complains about having to help with the kids, never changes nappies (we have 2 under 2), literally never cooks and justifies his actions by dangling his business over my head. He claims he works too much as it is and parenting should be my job. Well we both came to the conclusion that our relationship was toxic: I hate his controlling and lazy behaviour and he hates how he gets no free time. He proposed that we work on our relationship by him never having to come home during the week so he is able to go to the gym, go out with friends or go on trips which he has already started planning for. I also manage a business but on top of that have to watch 2 babies for 14 hours straight with no break. He suggests that if he watches the kids on the weekend (even though he will just ask his mom to anyways) that it’s fair as we will get the same time away from the kids. I don’t understand how his worked that out. In a nutshell, I told him kick rocks and I don’t want to be with anyone that selfish. If he wants to act single he can be single. He only wants to stay together so I don’t meet anyone else and his already said if I go on holiday he would not feel comfortable as my friends are all promiscuous in his eyes. Am I being unreasonable to think his got a screw loose?

Bang maid. That's it really. Just say no.

I’m actually kinda baffled he thought it was a proposal good enough to even repeat out loud. What a weirdo.

As the others have said, how can you even contemplate this? What an awful man.

Op please will you send me your address so i can come round and shake you for even contemplating getting back with him. You and your kids deserve so much better than this waste of space

In the process? End the process with a divorce letter. He sounds horrific.

Has he actually moved back in?

Mate, I haven’t read past the first page of replies but seriously??? Divorce the shit out of him and live a happier life for you and your precious children xx

I honestly believe exes are exes for a reason, I've never known a couple separated to get back together again successfully, it doesn't happen.

This is not a parent. He honestly wants nothing to do with his own kids (you have them for weekdays and evenings, he has them for weekends only but palms them off on others) and wants no time together as a family. Why would you want to be with them? My husband works full time and I work 33hours with a long commute. We split parenting in the evenings and weekends but make time for individual downtime and family time. When I was on mat leave I did the day and we split the evenings and weekends. With 2 under 2 I don't know why he's expecting so much time for himself- what did he think having kids would look like?

I’m bewildered that 2% of voters think yabu

You KNOW you’re not being unreasonable. Why ask? The only unreasonable thing is you start by saying you’re in the process of getting back together. Presumably based on what you say at the end of your post that isn’t in fact the case?

She's BU for letting an abuser back into her children's home.

I don’t think he’s a keeper.

If you do get back together I can’t see it lasting.

He seems to have odd attitudes about raising children/responsibilities.

Cast him adrift under your control, your timing - and just send him a monthly bill for his children .

All the best.

Don’t forget this amazing business is a marital asset to be valued and put on the table with everything else

A few voters will always miss the point, and vote according to a different question. For example, the OP has asked specifically and directly "AIBU to think he’s got a screw loose?” but a few posters will think OP is unreasonable for considering getting back together and vote ‘YABU to do that’. This will skew the results. To be fair, the OP question is somewhat off the point. Whether she thinks he has a screw loose or not, is rejecting him and his behaviour R or U?

Yep my friends ex husband was appalled by that injustice.

All this and you still want to be with him.

A friend of mine is currently pregnant by her partner despite him cheating and messing with her MH so much she took 4 months of work because she couldn’t cope.
she wanted me to be all congratulations how lovely - but no I won’t. If she wants to bring that child into such a toxic environment relationship knowing what the partner is like and how she reacts to him (saying they’ve moved on then the next week bringing up the details of the affairs) then so be it. But Never has You’ve made your bed now lie in been so apt.

You’re foolish to get back with him

This'll go like all the other threads where OP just wants a moan but is hellbent on sticking with a loser.

Narcissists who don’t want to parent their own children or spend any time with them are a waste of air: you are better off alone

Spot on

You should know because you're practically doing it already.
seriously who does this waste of space think he is?
He calls himself a father, he is not.

My god, don’t be in the process of getting back together. Be in the process of getting divorced!!!

So you work AND look after the kids.

He’s a piss taking prick.

This. He wants to hold onto his money. Why he became a father in the first place is anyone’s guess. Do your research guys before you impregnate your partners - free time doesn’t exist with young children 🙄

If you go back with him you are beyond crazy! See sense, woman! Have some pride!