This isn’t fair

[Raynaodld]

Me and DH are in the process of getting back together after separating. He came back with terms and conditions saying he would only agree to work on the relationship if he didn’t have to “help” with the kids all week. For context: I am a SAHM and he has never been hands on. Always complains about having to help with the kids, never changes nappies (we have 2 under 2), literally never cooks and justifies his actions by dangling his business over my head. He claims he works too much as it is and parenting should be my job. Well we both came to the conclusion that our relationship was toxic: I hate his controlling and lazy behaviour and he hates how he gets no free time. He proposed that we work on our relationship by him never having to come home during the week so he is able to go to the gym, go out with friends or go on trips which he has already started planning for. I also manage a business but on top of that have to watch 2 babies for 14 hours straight with no break. He suggests that if he watches the kids on the weekend (even though he will just ask his mom to anyways) that it’s fair as we will get the same time away from the kids. I don’t understand how his worked that out. In a nutshell, I told him kick rocks and I don’t want to be with anyone that selfish. If he wants to act single he can be single. He only wants to stay together so I don’t meet anyone else and his already said if I go on holiday he would not feel comfortable as my friends are all promiscuous in his eyes. Am I being unreasonable to think his got a screw loose?

Better off without the shit dad and husband that he is.

Doesn't his lack of interest in your children together sicken you?

Why would you want to stay with someone who seems to think they're just a nuisance to be palmed off on someone else?

It's not exactly the happy nuclear family that needs to stay together, is it?

Exactly

So what if the op goes off on a holiday by herself

Still comes back to him

If you get back with him now, you will be desperate to get rid of him a year down the line. Rip the plaster off now, and be happy without this selfish and controlling man.

Please don't get back with him, he brings nothing, he sounds like more hard work on top of normal family hard work, you can do so much better

Why are you doing this to yourself? WHY???

What an absolute bellend he is. He is doing you a favour though being so blatantly disgusting and selfish because any confusion or doubt you might have had about whether you were asking too much (as a result of his manipulation of you) must be long gone. Just make sure you have very tight boundaries with him following the separation. Don’t let him dictate anything or control you.

Tell him to get f*cked. Am raging on your behalf what an inconsiderate twat. It's giving me the ick for you

How are his “conditions” different to you splitting up?

He does his own thing Mon-Fri, like a single man and then “allows you” to do your own thing at the weekend (which no doubt includes practical things for the family, like grocery shopping and cleaning) whilst he gives the kids to his family to look after and again spends his time like a single man.

What part of that is marriage? Or parenting? Or relationship?

You could get divorced and neither of your lives would change in any tangible way, aside from the finances and him sleeping in a different bed at night; what’s the point of his sham marriage if he’s not going to act like a husband?

You need to grow a pair op. And create some boundaries.. Your dc need to see you modelling good relationships.. Yours isn't one with that piece of shit..

He just wants a maid and to live the single life, showing he's married and stable to others, there are no benefits to getting back together

But she actually asked a specific question: "Am I being unreasonable to think his got a screw loose?" So you answering YABU looks like you are siding with the husband! 😬

What a bellend he is - get rid.

The kids are going to pick up on his attitude towards them at some point

Run this sounds ridiculous !! WTH I’m saddened to read this .. please don’t have him back you deserve so much more ..

Christ mate, have a read of your first post again, and imagine your daughter or best friend telling you that.
He's an absolute waste of space.

Oh my. You’d be INSANE to try and reconcile with this selfish arsehole.

A man who hates women.

A man who hates his own children.

A family anihilator.

Useless, selfish, garbage man.
No use to you.

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be a good dad.

Then I would divorce him. He can either take his share of the kids on his weekends or pay you handsomely in the divorce settlement.

What a wanker.

So he's wants a live inmade, cook, cleaner, but a single life.. please do not even consider this

I endorse it.

How do you find it?

I mean I know it's not funny for you but it really is the weirdest thing I'd heard in a long time. I just can't imagine any woman willingly signing up for his version of working on your marriage. You do all the work. He can stay out every night and go on trips on his own. He's up to who knows what on these trips but thinks your friends might led you astray if you went on holiday. Don't you see how insulting that is - you basically can't be trusted. In reality, it's probably because he is having it off with who knows who on these nights out.

Also a lone parent, it was so beautiful as soon as I got rid of my controlling ex. Best thing I’ve ever done. Have a great relationship with my kids and they’re amazing people. Happier and more confident without their dad.

LEAVE him. For gods sake. For everyone’s sake.