Family finances how annoyed would you be

[worriedmum8686]

myself and DH have three primary school aged kids. both work full time and earn the same salary. The mortgage and household bills are split 50:50

everything else I pay for
childrens activities
clothes for the children
days out for the children
if we go out for food he looks at me to pay

but what has really annoyed me me this year is that he hasn't paid anything towards our family holiday. It has cost £6000 for 11 days at peak time and he has honestly given me nothing towards it. I paid for the flights, accommodation, car hire and all the kids clothes for going on holiday. He however went on a boys trip in April for four days that cost £1500 had no issue finding the money for that. As I've been paying off the holiday when I ask him what he plans to give towards it he bites my head off so I have just stopped. I also brought the five of us to Disneyland in September as I had came into some money that just about covered it again he didn't even give towards the spending money.

when we are talking with family or friends he doesn't I'll say about how much we have spent on these things. Or jobs aren't great either just your average income

Just to add to the point I made to @Theroadt- I am sorry you find yourself in this awful situation. But the op has written a post that basically says ‘I do 90% of the work, my husband does 10%; am I right to be annoyed.’ So not only is she in a thoroughly horrible unequal marriage, but she doesn’t even know it 😢 There are women, the op, who are genuinely asking if it’s ok to be cross that they do loads more. These are women who only know that the bar for men should be set so so much lower than the bar for women. Perhaps they were modelled that by their parents.

That’s a fair point you make - and yes, it’s absolutely something she shouldn’t put up with, and she needs to be aware it’s not acceptable.

How about holiday MINUS the DH? You forgot that one

I'm sorry but that family holiday would be me going on my own with my DC. The idiot husband can stay home and eat TV dinners

We have a credit card which we put all child or family related expenses on to eg; groceries, new school shoes, school trips, meals out then we split it at the end of the month. Works perfectly and everyone knows where they stand. We have a pretty similar salary and also split household bills roughly equally.

My husband and I have separate finances. We pay bills 50/50 but whatevers left is our own. That way if i want to buy random shit i can. Same with him.
The difference is holidays are halved and so are kids expenses.

You say you need him to help with the children but can you not take granny / grandpa or even a girly friend who knows your children?
Anyone other than the leech of a husband.

Gah! Haven't read responses because you're not being unreasonable! No one should be in a relationship like this! I'm not one to support ditching marriage easily but you need to!

You shouldn’t have facilitated this behaviour too long. It should have been 50/50 for everything from the start. Talk with him again about it and if he causes an argument walk away from the relationship.

It sounds like her probably has debts or isn’t budgeting correctly and that’s why he gets angry

Hold on a second. You came into some money? If you had a windfall and he was expecting you to pick up a bit more of the slack this year because of that, or if you say you're on the same salary but you receive a bonus and he doesn't, it's down to the both of you to decide whether to split all your income or not but itemising things he hasn't paid towards without agreeing what happens with a windfall could lead to the problem you have.

Everyday I see things like this I'm so grateful I'm single and thriving.

Depends what you guys earn

I am a wife of my husband and I don’t pay for anything
it needs more context for me to say, if he expects you to pay and he can then that’s gross
if he goes with you and you choose and you book and he doesn’t have that money but you do, then it’s a bit different

The fact you have to record your husband tell us everything leave him!!

You need a joint account which all your money jointly goes into. You agree a "spending money" amount which you both get to spend as you please. Everything else is joint. I could understand a bit more if your earnings were very different but you said they're similar. Likewise household stuff you need to track everything you do for a week. Then work out how to split it equally. But of course he'll have to agree ...

You are enabling this it will stop when you want it to
you need to toughen up and set some sensible boundaries
this would help your self esteem and create a better balance in the relationship

He is a complete cocklodger. He is living the life of Riley. Completely outrageous. I would have got rid of him. And that he argues that he shouldn’t pay because he doesn’t want to go! Ditch him. Doesn’t sound like he has any redeeming qualities.

That’s madness. DH and I don’t share our finances. I pays for some stuff and he pays for other stuff. This year and last year he will pay for the holiday as he got an inheritance.

Sounds like he’s got debts. Does he hide mail or jump up when the door/letterbox goes?
if he earns the same and pays half the bills then he should have the same as you leftover…..there’s no getting away from that, so he’s either lying about his income or lying about his expenditure. Either way, he’s lying and it’s a shitty situation.
Sit him down and say you’re not leaving until you can see in black and white where his money goes. If he gets arsey then be firm he either comes clean or leaves. Good luck 🤞🏼

He’s gambling sorry. X

So I’d be wondering what (or who) he’s spending his money on. This sounds a very one sided relationship in all ways. Why can’t you manage the children on holiday yourself? You do it by the sounds of it at home…

Similar I have a credit card and put all the monthly spending on it. We have a joint bank account for bills which we both pay in each month, me less as PT. Then I pay the credit card off from that. Any money each of us has left in our own accounts is our own. Works well for us as I am super anal with my spending where he is not so saves a lot of arguments!

If you arrange your finances this way to be 50:50 then it should all be 50:50, holidays included. Don’t pay for it anymore, I would just refuse to do that for him unless there’s another big thing he covers & you don’t, then it’s just not fair

I would be booking all future holidays without him. He's already said he's not bothered about going, so he can stay at home and see to himself. Take a relative - mum/ sister or go with a friend and their children.