My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Wow, she's an absolute idiot

I'm 5ft 6, wife is 5ft 4, so the natural law suggests Son should be in-between or just above, Son shot up around 14 and is now 16 and hovers around 5ft 10 which for a while he had a complex about, until I told him the Godfather (Al Pacino) is only 5ft 6, as well as Tom Cruise. He will learn to accept whatever size be becomes but yes OLD height filters are ridiculous and so is anyone to rule out a life partner due to height alone.

Welsh people are shorter! My long lost cousin sent me a lovely photo from one of Welsh Uncles funerals and I was towering over everyone. And I'm only 5' 7"
But my friends son was like the OP's - he looked about 12 at age 16. The next year he had a massive growth spurt and now at the age of 27 is about 5'10"

Where do you expect her to get growth hormone from?

Can I just say I tried all of this with my son but anything team related he was put off of because of his height. It can be crippling and that’s not easy to understand if you don’t face the same challenges.

Well it wasn't a thing in the past and is evidently something totally promoted by social media so that does make it a shallow aspiration grounded in no reality.

Equally, there are plenty of shorter women in the UK if the average height is 5ft 4, why would women expect many UK men to be above the average for a man at 5ft10 If a UK woman is on average 5ft 4?

In reality though, most men (in the UK) aren't 6 foot and most women aren't pretty enough to experience 'pretty privilege'.

Nobody should be attempting to conform to some unachievable beauty standard.

It was intended to be helpful. Words can’t fix the issue that the OP’s son has. It’s a legitimate disadvantage to his life that can absolutely be fixed. I’m not advocating he have surgery. That’s barbaric and risky. He can have pharmaceutical intervention that will enable him to live a full life.

If he had acne I would suggest something that would help him. He’s short - I’ve suggested something that will help him but the window of opportunity is very short (no pun intended).

He can fix this before his growth plates fuse. Telling him to love the skin he is in is unrealistic. Life is tough enough without a height disadvantage.

Especially because the goalposts would just move if the averages were higher. If we all started breeding selectively for height (which we clearly don't else the averages would already be taller!) then the terminally online Alpha Males (morons) would shift it to 6ft 2 rather than 6ft & so on & so on.

Where previously height was a throwaway 'ooo love a tall man' thing for women it's become a serious social pressure from the unpleasant online male communities - and they are least attractive men on the planet!

Nah, you're not a serious person. 'live a full life'? He's not missing his bloody limbs! 😂😂

If you genuinely thought that telling someone their son would never be considered attractive was helpful then no wonder you struggle to connect with people in real life.

If you actually believe that keeping a child off school for 2 YEARS is a proportionate response to them being potentially average height rather than 6 foot then you are all kinds of messed up.

Get therapy. Honestly. For your sake, for your kids sake, for the sake of anyone who has to encounter you.

Yes, this is what I was trying to argue but you have put it better than me.

Exactly this. His parents are both quite short.

My response is legitimate.

If he had severe cystic acne would you tell him to love the skin he is in?

If he had benign growths on his body would you dissuade him from seeking surgery?

It’s the same thing.

But he doesn’t have 2+ years to “wait and see” what happens. He needs to take action now before his growth plates fuse.

He might still shoot up, so he shouldn't lose heart. My son's friend was tiny for his age at 14, but he's 19 now and nearly 6 ft, having rocketed up at about 15-16. I went to school with a lad who was shorter than me (5 ft 4) when he left at 16, but a couple of years later he came up to me in a pub and I genuinely didn't recognise him because he was about 6 ft 2!

That said, building self-esteem from the inside will really help. Help him to find his passions and follow them - sport, music, photography, anything that helps him to feel comfortable and confident within his own skin. That will shine through, whatever height he ends up. My son isn't the most confident person in the world, but put him on a karting track, or at a motorsport event with a camera in his hands, and he absolutely glows.

He will most likely take a stretch next year.
DD is 16, last year at the end of year celebrations most of the boys were similar height to the girls, this year, I couldn't believe how much they'd grown, from boys to men in one year.

Visit the GP anyway for more information or reassurance.

As for the GF, he is young. It doesn't happen for most boys until they're 15/16.

Genetically he is likely to be short but has anyone listened to his heart OP?

Is he just short or is he weedy too? My half Bro was short and weedy when genetically he should have been chunkier and taller. It turned out he was a poor doer because he had a hole in his heart septum.

I understand your concerns OP. I do online dating and so many men state their height as the first/only thing about themselves as a badge of honour … as if they’re tall and nothing else matters…gets on my nerves! But I guess this also stems from
a lot of women stating they want a tall man. My DS is 17 and short…he has also had scoliosis surgery…spinal fusion..so he is unlikely to grow in the body much more although his legs could grow a bit. Myself and his dad are shorter than average so he was probably never going to be super tall though. However, he is happy and confident, very popular and has a lovely girlfriend…I do all I can to boost his self-esteem …encourage him to go to the gym ..eat well and be happy in his own skin. I think confidence is a very attractive trait and feeling fit and strong goes a long way to helping to feel good about yourself so encouraging him to keep up with the gym and other sports will help.

I can’t believe some of the responses on here! Hormone injections Wtaf??

My DH is 5ft7 and I am 5ft6 - I didn’t bat an eyelid at his height.

Your son will be absolutely fine and I’m sure plenty of women will find him attractive. I once dated a man 5ft2! The one thing that makes a difference is confidence - if a man is confident then height doesn’t even come into it - it is far more important to keep in shape than to be tall imo.

It isn't. It really isn't. Being average or slightly shorter than average height is NOT akin to cystic acne and benign growths. Cystic acne is a painful condition that not many people are walking around with. I imagine if you suffer with that condition and are in the middle of a severe breakout you get stared at or even worse by ignorant people. A man who is slightly below average height is never going to suffer in that way. Thankfully the world is not filled with people like you.

Weedy?
describing a slim man as weedy?

there’s a lot wrong with this thread but that’s pretty bad tbh.

There's a fair bit of anecdotal evidence linking royal jelly with height, especially if taken during puberty. It's only anecdotal, though, and royal jelly is f-ing expensive. Worth a try?

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but can you 'feed him up'? I've got one child who massively under-ate (autism) and is very, very short. And a sibling who over-ate and is very tall. The clinicians always said that the taller child was the short one's 'height potential' if she had slightly over-eaten as well.

I don't know if that's helpful, but thought I'd throw it in.

And yes, my god, being attractive is 100% about something else you can't put your finger on. I once had a dalliance with a Tory politician who was 5 foot 2 and a reputation for being a total lothario. A TORY. But he just had this certain... extremely confident twinkle....

(That paragraph is less helpful)

My son had the same issue at the same age so I do really feel for you and your son as it dominated my son’s thoughts and affected his confidence. We spoke to a few drs about it because it was like he was not growing.

Did you or your hubby have late puberty? Has your son started puberty in terms of having a growth spurt? If not, on the nhs they will start tests at the age of 15 - my hubby and I both had late puberty and my son started late too -his growth spurt started at 14 and 9 months and by 18 years old he was 6ft … If your son has not had this spurt than maybe reassure him hopefully it will come soon. The drs told us either weight or height triggers this spurt so if your son is on the slim side (as was my son) maybe encourage him to eat up.

But I’m guessing Drs have told you in theory they draw a line between your hubby’s height and your height and that is the estimated height of your kids … but in reality both my kids are much taller than me now so I am not convinced.

This is very true. I was SHOCKED at the difference between some boys between prom at 16 and end of college.