My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

OP I am 5 2 as well and my husband isn’t tall either. I think 5 6 maybe. My oldest boy was very short until about 15 and he’s shot up. Hes now same height as dad at 16 and still
got another 4 years to grow. Also bigger feet than dad. They can end up taller than both parents it really depends because environment and genetics play a role.

This has to be a joke. Nobody is this fucked up in the head surely?

Unfortunately he was never likely to be a tall man given you and DH’s heights. 14 is still young for boys too, my DD is 14 (year 9) and the boys in her year have only just starting to grow taller than her this year, lots are still shorter than her and she’s only 5’1”!
I would focus on building his confidence, find examples of shorter celebrities, let him know the right person will like him for who he is not his height.
I don’t think taking him for private tests will help him right now, it’s going to confirm to him that you agree there’s a problem when there really isn’t. Boys don’t usually stop growing until 18 or even older

This thread is very odd..surely this is more about self confidence than anything else. I have a 14 year old who is short. He is 5 foot 4 which doesn't sound that short but he is a lot shorter than many in his class. His dad is short he looks like a grandad who was tiny so I've told him not to get his hopes up... And we build his confidence all the time in lots of small ways. I would suggest you stop focusing on this and visits to the doctor etc. Some people are just shorter and that's fine.

You need to work on his self esteem, anxiety and confidence because he might not get much taller.

That said though, my parents aren't exactly very tall and my brothers were short until about 15/16 and then all had a growth spurt and they're all over 6ft.

I don't think the op is odd but some of the replies certainly are. They're acting as if being less than 6ft is some sort of disfigurement for a man. Absolutely insane.

What a disgusting & shallow post!

Eewww.

What the hell is wrong with you.

Many of the women on this board are. There is a social media storm about this currently and we see just how sick many people are - men and WOMEN.

i would explain to your son that everyone has something that they’re not happy with. Weight, skin, hair, eyes etc, height is just his thing. It doesn’t define him and it’s just a fact of life that no one is perfectly happy with their lot. Had your son mixed with kids from other ethnicities? Japanese/Chinese people are shorter than western people so what he sees as “norm” if he is in a western context may not be the norm elsewhere. I would just reinforce that it is what it is, and it’s not an issue. His feelings are important, but in reality, no one gives a rats about height or these superficial things, it’s the person that counts. Oh gymnasts, divers, there are sports also where being short is an advantage.

Only read your posts OP and skimmed a few others so forgive me if this is suggested elsewhere or if I missed in your posts. Sounds like you're doing all the right things for self esteem already. Can you show him media or real life examples of a taller woman dating a shorter man (I fall under this category!! Am very happy!) - e.g. Zendaya and Tom Holland! (And no no no to previous poster re growth hormones?!)

Edited to add, this is merely to show that all pairings are possible, of course if he falls in love with a shorter partner then that's totally fine too :-) also he sounds on the right trajectory for mid parental height to me, so I'd be inclined to not worry re going to a doctor at mo!

And how on earth is talking to the Dr and running tests on his height going to make him feel more confident?! You’re basically reaffirming that he is unusually short!

My DS (12) is the smallest in his year and would love to be 5ft 2 at 14, but he's been down the hospital route and been reassured about his adult height, he's just going to get there later. So for us, the medical route has helped put some worries to rest. He's also likely to go through puberty quite late, so the girlfriend/boyfriend thing isn't bothering him.

However, my DS is unexpectedly short compared to DH and I, whereas your DS is unlikely to be big as an adult. It might not make him feel better to find out his predicted adult height if he's pinning his distess on feeling shorter than his peers. Instead the advice to focus on what he does have, improving his fitness and gaining self esteem through hobbies, context (X has acne, y hates being so tall - nobody is fully formed at 14) and the reassurance he only needs to be found attractive by a few people, not put on some weird scale are the ways forward.

Good luck, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Well women generally do prefer the man to be taller but no matter what height he gets to I’m sure there’ll still be a lot of shorter women!

And that being said I know plenty of couples where the man is shorter anyway.

Help him find some good role models who are shorter men. If he's sporty, look to sports - there are lots of shorter men in football, gymnastics, cycling. It can be a huge advantage to be strong & light in some sports. As pp have said, if he's within the normal range, it is what it is. Puberty will make a huge difference so if he's not yet all the way through he'll gain a few inches there.

Does he have a good positive bond with his dad? Thats a good place to start for a below average height role model.

We recently seen a consultant for my DS’s height OP. He is 12 and the shortest in his year and despite DH being 6’4 and me being 5’8 the doctors didn’t see anything wrong with his height (15th centile) and said that the bar for treating with growth hormone is very high. Given that you and your DH are both on the shorter side I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

I agree it’s shit how height is talked about these days though, like being tall is an achievement. My DH hates being tall.

This has to be a windup. Keep him home from school for plenty of rest... you went toooo far.

I don't really understand the obsession with the idea that a UK man is disappointed not to be 6ft when the average is 5ft 10, it would be a more a reasonable expectation If you were a Danish man for example as the average height for a man is 6ft. In Italy the average height for a man is 5ft 9. Social media has a lot to answer for as if your heritage and country of origin has an average quite a bit below the 6ft figure it is unlikely many men will ever attain that. My Danish family have tall men but it is average there so when I am visiting with DH he feels smaller at 5ft8 but it isn't and never has had any sensitivities over this presumably because if the average height for a man in the UK is 5ft 10 then he like many other UK men fall to the one below to make the average. My DS in late teens is taller but seems to have my Dad's size genes, amongst his friends he is smaller than one friend who is very tall at 6ft 4 and taller than all the other friends who are more around 5ft 9, 10& 11.

My son didn’t have a big growth spurt until he was 15 - still not tall, but around the height his dad was. He hasn’t finished growing yet!

My nephew is a short king (5’6 at 19) and we just enforced in him from a young age that he is a short king. We also told him that some girls won’t date him because of his height and that’s their preference. Lying to him would be cruel. I remember telling him he needs to be funny and have a banging personality if he wants a girlfriend, and he is genuinely one of the funniest and most confident people I know. My only advice is don’t coddle him or lie to him, life is brutal and being a short man probably sucks, like being a fat woman. If he develops wee man syndrome, it will be really hard to undo.

Apologies for my language above as not an 'attainment', I should have used 'be that'.

People can be annoyed and write about how it’s shallow but many studies show being tall as a male does give advantage. Just like studies show pretty privilege is most definitely a thing. It shows deep down how humans are less evolved than they think. DS and a couple, of his mates were all on the same dating site. One of his friends is short at 5ft 5 and he has had far less dates than the others.

Due to genetics he is unlikely to be tall but you grow when you’re asleep. The hormone for growth is released when we sleep. So make sure he gets plenty of good quality sleep.

I did an advanced search on that poster, assuming that would be their only post or that they'd have a pattern of just bitch plopping goady shit round the boards. But, nope, their history suggests they are for real. There's even a post bemoaning how they have no friends IRL. Can't think why that might be the case!!

It's not about growth hormones or trying to max out his adult height. He hasn't, until recently, had any growth in a long time, he looked years younger and there can sometimes be reasons for this. Medical reasons. It's important to explore this during puberty.

And no, I'm not affirming he's unusually short. He's not 'unusually short'.