My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

I don’t understand the fuss about Tinder bringing in height filters. Is it because society takes a really dim view on women having dating dealbreakers while being fine with men having them?

I prefer more filters on OLD. Far better men who would never consider me hide me from view instead of me reaching out to men who would never consider me and facing constant rejection.

Yea I feel sorry for your son but everything can change during puberty. What is the obsession with having a girlfriend so young though?

Maybe show him to look around him and the sheer number of short / average height men with partners and tell him he has all the time in the world to date?

People rule out potential life partners based on race, weight and looks. All superficial criteria

That’s all fine but somehow height is where we draw the line?

Would there be a fuss if men could filter on weight? On breast size?

My son’s best friend at school was always one of the smallest at his age, much shorter than my son. He’s 22 now and 5’9.5. A perfectly decent height (and I admit, taller than I thought he’d be).

Does Tinder have race and weight filters? If yes, height is fine too. If not, you lot are flaming hypocrites.

There’s something about the way it’s described, you see it in this thread.

like it’s a deficiency. Something undesirable. Taller is better, described as decent, good. Shorter is something you should medicate away if you can.

Is he just short or is he weedy too?

Is your daughter just fat or fat and wobbly too? Not offensive?

its phrases like this. “Perfectly decent” to be taller

A lot of Aryan nonsense is being spouted on this thread under the guise of maternal concern and female sexual preferences.

So there is beauty advantage. Do we offer our daughters nose and boob jobs to give them an early advantage as all good parents do?

Was going to suggest similar. I know a short lad who found a lot of self confidence through climbing. His low bodyweight helped him pick it up quickly. I also think it helped that the climbing place is very cool: loud music, fit people, a gym and social space too.

Conversely, sports such as football which segregate on age and where size is an advantage, are renowned for being a tough deal for late developing teens.

Actually, it's very relevant what height he is now.

At 14, there's a huge range of normal between boys. But if he's still, say, less than 5 foot, then yes, seeking a medical evaluation is wise. But if he's anywhere between about 5"3 and 5"6, then he's being silly.

For what it's worth, all through secondary school, the shortest kid out of the whole year group was a lad we'll call David. But you know what? He was the kindest, funniest, nicest boy you could hope to meet, and everyone was his friend.
By the time we were in sixth form together, he was just a bit taller than me, and I'm 5"3. I lost physical contact with him when we went off to uni, but the last time I heard from him, he was a happily married father of 2.

It all sounds very artificial to me- questionnaires for attraction but then I think dating apps are as I am in my 40s and met my husband in a social setting, I think that is much more organic.

The "weedy" comment (I didn't make it) might be useful though as the first thing they checked for at the hospital was coeliac - where the child would also look a little malnourished.

I don't think your DS is small enough, compared to you and DH, to warrant any investigation though - just reassurance.

I don’t know whether you are replying to me- hopefully to the individual I was replying to.

I think if women could filter men on weight and penis size there would be as much fuss as men being able to filter on weight and breast size, yes.

I have fancied short men in the past (I’m 5’6) and the one thing they had in common was confidence (not arrogance). I knew a short guy once who blamed everything on his height and I just kept thinking, if you focused on building confidence your height would not be so much of an issue. It’s like Barbra Streisand and her nose, it wasn’t a problem for her so her belief in it made film producers ok with it too (despite initial kick back from them).

I have never been one of those women who refuse to date someone unless they are much taller than me. The one thing that would put me off is if they lied about their height. Be an honest 5’4 not a lying 5’7.

Thinking about it now the last man I was attracted to was barely 5’6, he may even have been shorter.

This may sound shallow but there is truth to it. If he is going to be short then it’s better to be ambitious and successful. Not for the money aspect but for that aura of competence and intelligence, which I personally find very attractive.

Tinder does have race and weight (or rather “size”) filters - photos.

And people act on these regularly as plenty of data shows. But in those instances people defend it because “you cannot help what you find attractive”. Height needs a filter as height cannot be viewed from a photo.

Not having a height filter will not stop men and women filtering on height. They will just ask upfront or have lots of first dates and no second ones.

Isn’t it just better to have people who would never date you hidden from your sight?

Maybe some swimming and basketballs. I don’t think gym is particularly helpful for height.

Social settings are far better as attraction is much more complex than online can handle

One of my brothers grew a few inches in his first year at university! Not easy for a teenager to be patient but it is true that boys can carry on growing up into their late teens.

@MacmillanDo I know very few adults smaller than me so i just "nice things come in small parcels" I am 5 feet nothing.

As a taller woman tall is not always viewed as good. We are often framed as masculine, “hefty” or “mannish” and my experience is just as many men have height dealbreakers as women (when it comes to being comfortable with a woman towering over them” or they become very fetishistic.

I feel pretty 'meh' about the idea of a height filter on tinder. In online dating all you have to really go off on that initial impression is looks. It sort of forces everyone to make a quick, shallow judgement. I think most people are far more open when they meet people in real life.
If you'd have asked me when I was younger I'd have said tall men are sexy. My husband is 5ft8. I never gave his height a moment's thought though - he's good looking, funny and I was immediately attracted to him.
So for me there is a vast difference between thinking 'tall is sexy' and 'I would never date anyone under 6 foot'.
And believing that short men are somehow a problem that needs to be fixed is just insane.

I used my own brother's term there. No offense intended.