My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

That’s true. Taller women seen as masculine while shorter men seen as feminine.

My son feels similar. He’s 14 and 5’1, all his friends are taller. His dad is 5’7 so he’s unlikely to be tall.

The problem is how he feels about himself not his height. I know loads of short men who don’t care about it and are attractive, fun to be with, never had any shortage of girlfriends or boyfriends. I know one whose height (5’6) has been the sole focus of his life, and he’s really bitter about it and that shows in everything he does.

I’m trying to encourage my son to not think about it - he has no control over this, but focusing on things that make him feel good feed the part of him that makes him a well rounded and self-contented person, which is far more important than his height.

Yep - if you are breathtakingly beautiful
you can maybe get the “supermodel” label but if you are plump, stocky, well built then you are a “man”.

So I can empathise with OP’s son as I had the same height hang ups from being “too tall” with huge feet and hands.

And see the same panic from my brother and his wife towards their daughter who is 5ft 7 at 11 and a friend who barely disguises how distressed she is by her teen daughter approaching 6 feet and growing out of her size 9 shoes…

Playing basketball doesn't make you taller ffs

Tall people play basketball because being tall is an advantage

Similarly, swimming didn't give Michael Phelps long arms and legs, he already had them which meant he was a supernatural swimmer

Tell him to STFU. He’s 14. Honestly, what is it with kids these days? At 14 I was playing the playground, and sports. He should focus on friendships, and hobbies. It isn’t (wasn’t) normal to have girlfriends at 14. And if he thinks it is, he is clearly on the Tate (or whomever) podcast nonsense. Stomp it out.

Yep I am flummoxed by a 14 year old being desperate for a girlfriend. Dating was not even on my radar until I was uni age!

Wanted to add as well, my oldest son was small until he was 16/17 (people would think he was 12/13) and then he grew.
He’s 5’9 and doesn’t look short at all.

Some children grow slower than others. Humans are meant to be a range of different sizes.

Even if you try the private route you wont be given growth hormones, we saw an nhs dr privately and they take the height of both parents into account - I didn't take my husband and lied that he was 5 11 - the dr still said my son would be viewed within normal height due to the height of his parents. In the UK they will only 'grow you' to your possible height.
My nephew is 5 4 and 20. He is gorgeous, funny, sporty, and clever, but his height affects him hugely, and he hasn't had a girlfriend yet because of it. The NHS put him on growth hormone, but they waited too long before taking him to the GP, and his plates had fused, so it didn't work.

Height needn’t hold him back from getting a girlfriend. Remind him about Tom Holland and Zendaya. Or Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner (admittedly they are now divorced, but I suspect that wasn’t to do with his height…) Or Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. Short kings are having a cultural moment!
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/21/praise-short-men-king-toxic-masculinity-jaboukie-jonas-brothers

Times do change, and at a mixed school, dating starts quite early, even if it's just texting, etc.
Concentrating on sports and friends might not help - My son's friends made his life hell about his height, with constant teasing, and my son found sports hard when he was constantly told 'could have got that if you weren't a midget', etc etc

You were so desperate for your son to be taller you lied about his father's height to a doctor?!

Can you imagine what that did to your sons confidence?

Sorry, just to clarify: your son didn't get growth hormones as your son's trajectory was normal relative to you and your husband's height? But your son didn't grow as expected but they left it too late to get growth injections as his plates had fused.

I'd be very careful about all this 'he might still grow/shoot up later' stuff. It feeds in to the whole thing. He might not. Boys are sometimes shorter than both parents as adults. I'm glad you're focusing on supporting his self esteem no matter what his height turns out to be.

To be frank, if he's not been diagnosed with a growth disorder, there's fuck all that can be done

Speaking as someone less than five feet tall, life is shit at this height, but I've learned to cope

That's all he can do, really

Are you male? I'm not trying to be offensive, but it feels relevant.

My son was always smallest in hus class till he was about 15, but is now about 5'9" , and his stunning female partner is a 6ft blonde...🤣

Nope

Female, shorter than my 5'2" mum

My son didn't get growth hormones after testing (the private doctor helped us to get the tests on the NHS, except for one blood test). We were given advice on how to support his due growth spurt (which wasn't much of a spurt)
My nephew did get prescribed growth hormones at 17, and they didn't work.

Ok. Thanks.

I'm only 5ft 2.5. Honestly, I've never felt my life was shit because of it. Before I had my son I never ever thought about my height - seriously. So, I'm sorry you're struggling with it.

thats not true. the NHS can help with some issues.

But what did testing show that stopped your son getting growth hormones?

And did your nephew just miss the boat? They kept thinking he'd 'grow'?

Sorry, I'm curious but confused.

Human growth hormones are only effective in children with HGH disorders

My son wasn't there when I gave that information but you have no idea how the bullying was affecting him and what he was doing to cope.

I think try to ignore Tinder bringing in height filters. If you are a tall lady they are essential. (Lady over 6ft wouldn't feel comfortable being with guy who's 5 ft).

Try to boost how self esteem with hobbies, and support good nutrition (lots of protein and awesome diet).

Hopefully he will grow, but if not try to reassure him that every teenager has insecurities about themselves.

At 14, he may still grow. And if not - there are advantages in short height for men - like physical strength. Encourage him to take up weight lifting and martial arts.