Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by parents drinking wine then driving with kids in car?!

82 replies

Pompompurin1 · 03/06/2025 21:10

Was at a kids party recently. Live in Scotland in the sticks. We all have to drive everywhere. About 12 kids and parents there (birthday girls house). Out came some wine and most of the parents (all mums bar one bloke) had at least one glass but some had two. Only the bloke and I declined. They all had to drive home, including down a bit of national speed limit road ….some of them had multiple
small kids in the car. All ostensibly responsible normal parents with decent jobs etc. Am I naive ?! Surely this isn’t normal?! But most of them did it.

And yea it’s illegal here to even have one drink and drive.

OP posts:
Renabrook · 04/06/2025 08:17

Pompompurin1 · 04/06/2025 08:14

There were nibbles

You seem to be doing a lot of drip feeding, if you think they were over the limit you should have reported them to the police not sure what MN really can do about it

SoftPillow · 04/06/2025 08:17

Kids parties with us sometimes have
alcohol for the adults, depending on the time and type of party.

I’m in England and would have a small glass of wine with dinner or lunch and drive a few hours later. I probably wouldn’t risk it in Scotland.

We are rural and yes some people do often drink too much and drive, mostly the older generation. Perhaps 3 or 4 glasses of wine and then ‘back roads’ home. Not something we’d ever do, but I’ve seen it done.

IShouldNotCoco · 04/06/2025 08:19

If it’s illegal, it’s illegal so YANBU. In England, i would drive after one small glass of wine but that’s it.

Original poster
Pompompurin1 · 04/06/2025 08:20

A lot of drip feeding ?! I just forgot to mention that there were nibbles at the party! There are normally nibbles at parties and I’m not sure it changes much regarding the wine… so I didn’t think this was a particularly pertinent detail.

I’m not asking Mumsnet to do anything about it am I? @Renabrook Just wondering if I’m unusual for being surprised by this!

OP posts:
WinWhenTheyreSinging · 04/06/2025 08:23

I never understand the specific horror about parents driving with their own kids in the car after drinking. There is someone in my family who always gets their kids driven home by someone else if they might have a drink.😡 They love my outspoken views on that …

By my reckoning, at least if they kill their own kids, there is no room for the parents to be distraught as it’s their own choice. I’m far more worried about the other innocent folk they might kill whose parents weren’t party to the decision.

(Obviously this isn’t an entirely serious point, I have no truck with drink driving in any form.)

ThatsNotMyTeen · 04/06/2025 08:24

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 04/06/2025 08:23

I never understand the specific horror about parents driving with their own kids in the car after drinking. There is someone in my family who always gets their kids driven home by someone else if they might have a drink.😡 They love my outspoken views on that …

By my reckoning, at least if they kill their own kids, there is no room for the parents to be distraught as it’s their own choice. I’m far more worried about the other innocent folk they might kill whose parents weren’t party to the decision.

(Obviously this isn’t an entirely serious point, I have no truck with drink driving in any form.)

Yeah exactly, other people have the right not to be mown down by a drunk driver, not just their own precious kids

RightOnTheEdge · 04/06/2025 08:24

Shocked at how many people have voted YABU.
I would never drink and drive, its just not worth the risk and I wouldn't feel that desperate for a drink.

I've got two children and I have never been to a kids party where there's been alcohol.

user2848502016 · 04/06/2025 08:24

I sometimes have one small drink with food if I’m driving a few hours later. 2 glasses and driving only an hour or two later is excessive though, especially with children in the car. I know the laws are different in Scotland too so wouldn’t be drinking and driving at all if I lived there just in case!

MauraLabingi · 04/06/2025 08:25

I'm in Scotland too so the 50mg limit applies. The legal limit is obviously important. But if you are talking about the safe limit, then you can't argue that legal and safe are the same thing. If you have a parent in Scotland driving with 60mg in them, and a parent in England driving with 60mg, the Scottish parent is breaking the law and the English one isn't. BUT both are equally safe/unsafe. There is no difference whatsoever in terms of safety.

WibbleyPie · 04/06/2025 08:28

The basic fact is that alcohol impairs your ability to drive, that's why there's a limit on how much you can have in your system to be legal to drive because obviously the more you have, the more impaired you are.
I think it's really sad that it's become about not being impaired enough to get prosecuted when driving rather than not being impaired at all when driving because it's the safest option.
It's "What can I get away with" rather than "What's the safest option" which potentially gambles with other people's lives.
I don't understand why you would intentionally impair yourself to any level, even the smallest, when driving a car, but people do, and they justify it.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 04/06/2025 08:36

Certainly when I was a kid in the 70s and 80s there was a rural culture in Scotland of driving to the pub and having a few drinks, then driving back home. There were always jokes about the local PC being in the car park to ‘get his quotas up’ and I vividly remember being driven drunk by my grandparents. But I really, really thought that had changed over the years, especially with the limit reduction. I’m really surprised to read this to be honest and don’t wonder that you were shocked.

tigger1001 · 04/06/2025 08:40

Cleaningtroubles2 · 04/06/2025 07:14

I have been to the odd evening party for dc and wine was offered. Not day time, it’s always tea or coffee. Most people had a small glass and were fine over 2/3 hours with food. Halloween parties etc. it’s definitely worth bearing in mind we are in England and this is considered safe and legal.

It's considered legal. Safe is a whole other thing. The only safe amount of alcohol to consume if driving is none.

Flashahah · 04/06/2025 08:44

Pompompurin1 · 03/06/2025 22:01

I actually thought the limit was zero in Scotland but see now (just checked online) that it’s not zero, just very very low. Still though.

If you don’t even know the limit, how can you have a reasoned conversation about it?

sparrowflewdown · 04/06/2025 08:45

sparrowflewdown · 04/06/2025 08:10

I have had a small glass/measure of wine the current limits in England and then drove a few hours later, I wouldn't go over the limit and only with my own DC. Tbh I haven't done it often but I don't see the problem?

No that isn't acceptable. It has to be a legal measure 125ml not sure about Scotland but it really is a small amount, pouring and guessing is ridiculous. I wouldn't have any alcohol if it wasn't measured first.

Lordofmyflies · 04/06/2025 08:45

I'm also shocked by the fact they served alcohol at a kids party and that some people would even consider drink driving. The only safe amount of alcohol to drink when driving is zero. No drink that important to risk the lives and injuries to myself, kids and others.

Figcherry · 04/06/2025 08:46

My adult dc and their spouses are all in their 30’s, they never drink and drive.
It’s more common, ime, for my age group, 60’s, to drink a glass of wine and drive.
Dh and I will occasionally have one small glass if we’re at a restaurant or sometimes a small beer. Mostly though dh drives and just drinks water or lemonade.

sparrowflewdown · 04/06/2025 08:46

sparrowflewdown · 04/06/2025 08:45

No that isn't acceptable. It has to be a legal measure 125ml not sure about Scotland but it really is a small amount, pouring and guessing is ridiculous. I wouldn't have any alcohol if it wasn't measured first.

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry put my own quote by mistake. I was referring to OP's friends just pouring alcohol into a glass.

Tessasanderson · 04/06/2025 08:51

Screw that. No way in gods earth i would let any of my family drive after a single drink. Its not worth it.

We go out, one of us will always offer to drive and that means no drink. My DD & DS have had the same drilled into them. Imagine trying to have that conversation with your child. But ive seen you drink then drive loads of times mum......

Original poster
Pompompurin1 · 04/06/2025 08:52

Flashahah · 04/06/2025 08:44

If you don’t even know the limit, how can you have a reasoned conversation about it?

Show quote history

I know now don’t I … And it’s still so low that having a large glass of wine or two right before driving is still illegal and unsafe. Sometimes you find things out during the course of a conversation don’t you, that you didn’t know before. I’m allowed to discuss anything I like, it’s a chat forum. Thank you so much for your concern. ☺️

OP posts:
FuckityFux · 04/06/2025 08:52

I’ve never been to a kids party where alcohol is offered to the parents. It’s usually tea and coffee and most of the parents don’t stay for the duration but drop and run. Rural Ireland.

If it’s a regular thing at parties, I’d be tipping off the police afterwards. Some people need reminding about why we have drink driving laws!!

HoppingPavlova · 04/06/2025 09:03

We’ve just had one of these threads as I recall commenting in last few days or so! Realise there were porky pies in that one as it was said Scotland was zero, which I thought nonsensical as you can have a sandwich and glass of juice and have a mild reading, but assumed people who live there knew what their limit was!

I’m also in a country with 0.05 and you can usually comfortably have 2 drinks if you are there for 2 hours and come in below. We do have official government recommendations and they are something like 1-2 standard glasses in first hour and then I think it was one an hour after for men and one every two for women. It has all sorts of disclaimers though as this is ‘average’ and depends on 1001 factors and tells you to assess your personal situation when drinking and driving. Nowhere does it say don’t drink anything and drive as that’s not aligned with the legal limit. I think the trick is knowing what is and isn’t a ‘standard glass’ for different things.

No idea what the issue is with alcohol at a kids party if adults are ‘forced’ to attend. No one is making anyone have any and as long as it’s not being offered to the kids! I always drank (sensibly, so I could drive) at kids events where alcohol was offered, so did DH. None of our kids grew up to have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and in fact the majority of ours don’t drink as we just asked them to wait until mid-20’s due to brain development (and they know I know what I’m talking about with health related matters and respect that) and at that point most couldn’t be bothered to start.

ErrolTheDragon · 04/06/2025 09:12

MauraLabingi · 04/06/2025 08:25

I'm in Scotland too so the 50mg limit applies. The legal limit is obviously important. But if you are talking about the safe limit, then you can't argue that legal and safe are the same thing. If you have a parent in Scotland driving with 60mg in them, and a parent in England driving with 60mg, the Scottish parent is breaking the law and the English one isn't. BUT both are equally safe/unsafe. There is no difference whatsoever in terms of safety.

It might, however, indicate some difference in attitude to risk.

Yorkshiremum80 · 04/06/2025 09:21

I have no issues with alcohol at a kid's party as long as no one is getting drunk. However I won't have any alcohol if I am driving at all that day. My DH stupidly drank whilst drunk when he was younger, he had a huge crash and almost went to prison. He learned his lesson and same as me won't touch alcohol if he needs to drive that day. I just don't think it's worth it. If I had a small wine and drove and crashed or hit someone, even if I was under the limit I would still wonder, would it have happened if I hadn't had that drink.

MissJoGrant · 04/06/2025 09:23

IwasDueANameChange · 04/06/2025 08:00

The only circumstances where I'd have alcohol before driving would be if there was a gap. Eg small glass of wine with lunch at 1, driving home at 4pm. Small glass of wine with supper at 7, driving home at 10.

And by small glass of wine i mean 125ml max. I can't fathom people who say "I'm only having 1" then overfill a huge glass, they've got probably 300ml in there. That's not 1, its the best part of half a bottle!!

But then i detest people who pour huge brimful glasses of wine. Even if using a big red wine glass, you're only supposed to fill it to a low level - the volume of the wine glass is to help aerate the wine.

No one cares about aerating £6 wine.

Ace56 · 04/06/2025 09:24

Most people (who drink fairly regularly) would be fine to drive after a glass of wine plus food. I doubt that it’s enough units to be over the limit, plus for most people one glass would barely touch the sides.

I don’t drink much so a glass would make me pretty tipsy. I definitely wouldn’t. However I would have a glass of cider or something less strong and still be fine to drive.