Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

The no drinking this is always a bit of a give away.
I remember with my first. Pub after work on a Friday and my boss lands a Guinness in front of me and I ask instead for an orange juice and he went to the bar came back and whispered “ I’ll keep it to myself” 😆
So if it would be unusual for you not to have a drink you’ll need to come up with some sort of excuse / lie. dicky tummy perhaps?
I wouldn’t announce it before

Indeed. I was far happier knowing people weren't pointlessly gossiping about me because I'd headed off such speculation. Even when I did have a miscarriage.

Sorry about your miscarriage.

We all have different ways of dealing with things. Your way isn't necessarily the right way. And neither is mine.

Most people wait until 12-13 weeks, which would coincide with when he gets back from his honeymoon. You should wait until then.

You can explain not drinking at the wedding due to antibiotics and, even pregnant, you can still wave a glass of bubbly and pretend to sip anyway. Noone needs to know now. And you don’t need to steal his and his bride’s thunder.

I haven't read all the replies, but isn't it normal to keep it between you and your partner until 20 weeks?

Why do you assume it is done to bring attention on her? That presupposes that she deliberately got pregnant and planned it all around her brother's wedding. Which is bat shit and the type of person who does that wouldn't be asking, they would be grabbing the mic on the night and demanding eyes on them.

Telling family you are pregnant a couple of weeks before a wedding in no way detracts from the wedding day itself. Given the age that most people's (first) weddings are, it is highly likely that there will be several women of childbearing age and more than one pregnancy ongoing.

Going by other MN threads, two weeks after the event is still too soon for some. People have to be allowed to come back from their honeymoon, share all their photos and it be 'their' month.

Definitely stealing thunder territory. Stay quiet

Another vote for antibiotics, congratulations OP 🍼💐🍼

Not really. Most people start telling their family after the 12 week scan.

If you do use the antibiotic excuse you have to say you are on metronidazole. Usually prescribed for teeth.

All other antibiotics are actually ok with social drinking and some helpful person will try to tell you this.

One of my friends came really unstuck on this. I’m a doc and I completely couldn’t understand why she wasn’t drinking at a wedding for such a shite reason as antibiotics that don’t react with alcohol . Her husband is also a doctor she isn’t (they met through me) and I told him later that I thought he had woefully underprepared her story with her!!

No indeed. I'm not saying it is. Just that trying to hide it can often backfire if that's your intention. Especially if you bring antibiotics into it.

so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding.

Your "so that" doesn't align with your "I want to announce it now".

If you have reason to discreetly let people know you are pregnant then I'm sure you can find a way to do so, and it doesn't have to be an announcement.

Say you'd been earmarked to lead the shot drinking competition then you'd just need to take someone aside and let them know so someone else can take over.

People often need to inform work they are pregnant before making an announcement (those who do heavy lifting or work in labs for example), but they don't need to tell everyone. Let your brother have his moment. Then it'll be your turn. He (and your SIL) will appreciate it.

There are loads of ways not to drink. People might suspect, but let them.

Presumably they know you're trying for a baby ... so that's the "excuse" for not drinking ,surely?

Even if anyone bothers to mention/question it...

No 12 weeks - after first scan is usual. loads of people are showing at 20 weeks,

Nobody notices you are not drinking, if you don't make a big deal of it. Don't comment anything about it. Sit next to your husband and just swap glasses as another poster mentioned. What people notice is if you go overboard acting all excited about drinking and then not touch your glass or if you make it obvious saying you are on antibiotics.

I would just not comment, take the wine/beer/champagne (whatever your dh is drinking) and put the glass to your mouth to pretend to take a sip once in a while and then discreetly swap with your dh from time to time.

I was 10 weeks at a wedding and not sat with my dh, but had the glass of wine in front of me and just pretended to drink sometimes and even then, nobody noticed.

Wait until after the wedding. You don’t need to make excuses, just say you don’t want to drink.

Wait until you’ve had your dating scan

100% wait. I know you're excited but let the next 2 weeks' focus be totally on their upcoming wedding.

Just carry your own glass around with you all the time. Nobody will notice. If you are sit down dining and someone offers to pour a drink just say you're waiting until the evening before drinking. They'll all be preoccupied after a few by then.

Congratulations!

I wish this was the norm, it's so much healthier! People should be allowed to drink or not drink without it being a topic for discussion.

I drink very little, and this has always been the case. Yet once I hit my early 30's and was in a ltr if I wasn't drinking at an occasion there would be raised eyebrows and suggestive elbow prods. If I protested that it wasn't unusual for me not to drink it was 'yeah yeah that's what they all say'. Infuriating!!

I'd keep it quiet, and if anyone does comment on it point out they're being bloody rude and if you'd wanted them to know you'd have told them go with the TTC line someone mentioned earlier.

How awful!! Must have been very scary 😮

I’ve always kept it between a very close few people that early on. I wouldnt be saying anything until after 12 weeks at least. I would say something after the wedding if you want to announce before 12 weeks. Let them have their day.

I would wait because of eight weeks being a bit early, not because of 'taking the shine off their day'. I have to say I find all that sort of thing very childish and 'princess for a day'. I don't understand why adults care about that sort of thing. That said, I know that some people get weird about pregnancy, so you are probably best to wait.

I'll be honest, I think you should wait. My OH waited until after two friends' weddings were out of the way to propose, because we knew both would have felt like we were trying to detract from their special days! Congratulations, though!

This! It’s really not hard to just pretend to drink. Nobody is going to be carefully analysing your every move and drink. Making a point of it will just make it obvious.

It’s not a dirty secret to have a miscarriage. “Years ago women didn’t reveal until at least 12 weeks” - and? Loads of things we don’t do because we’ve realised they’re unhealthy attitudes.