Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

Completely new to me that this is an excuse in the first place for someone not drinking.

But wouldn't the person who asked and suspected you were preg understand that you have your reasons for not announcing and leave you alone? That's if they even asked why you're not drinking. I find that most people don't care these days whereas when I was young I used to get flack for not drinking all the time.

I went to someone's big milestone birthday at six weeks pregnant. I developed hyperemesis in the end, but spent that stage vomiting at regular intervals, which didn't go unnoticed. Of course everyone guessed. It never occurred to me that it might have upset the person whose party it was.

After.

Telling before the wedding would be tacky and look like you're trying to steal their thunder.

If anyone says anything about you not drinking alcohol, say it doesn't mix with a med you're on. Do people really clock that someone isn't drinking alcohol and question them about why?

All these women out here with fake drinks and elaborate ruses to hide a biological fact from their family. It's really fucking stupid when you think about it. Your family might be offended that you're currently pregnant and didn't hide it. Jesus.

Being a woman is just a series of offenses to the public isn't it.

I think it might be a bit of a cliche for people of a certain age. Perhaps it's gone out of fashion so if you use it these days people will believe you.

You'll still only be 10 weeks, which is quite early to be making an announcement.
Just wait til 12 weeks, then say!

Definitely not, just wait until the 12 weeks and announce it then.

If you want to tell anyone, tell your brother and bride and let them be in on the secret, but do not tell anyone else until after the wedding is over.

It would be so obvious you have done it to bring attention to yourself (and in turn take the attention away from them) on the day that they have spent so long organising, building up for and stressing over.

Just let them have their day and then this will be a fantastic thing to announce a couple of weeks after.

Yep! Sooo obvious! Get something that looks like a ‘proper’ drink or get DH to drink some of yours and swap; it’s easy, no one is really looking and if they are it’s because they are on to you anyway 🙂

I went with the simple and seemingly radical option of just telling the truth. "I'm pregnant but it's early days so anything could happen".

Conversation moves on, no pointless faffing and subterfuge needed and no particular attention drawn.

It probably depends on how alcohol orientated your social circle /family is lol

no-one in mine would ever have to justify or make an excuse as to why they weren’t drinking.

It just wouldn’t be asked and unless someone was sat right next to them and offering them wine from a table bottle at a wedding others probably wouldn’t even notice or think twice about it /care enough to ask.

Ask your brother. Announcing early could look like you're trying to steal the spotlight, but not drinking at a small wedding could be quite obvious and people might guess (and that really could be far more disruptive!).

I get what you're saying, but a wedding is a special day and it's just one of those conventions that you don't upstage the couple, like not wearing a white dress. Most conventions are weird when you think about them.

Well yes, that's obvious, and it's why I wouldn't expect anyone to ask. However, if someone was with you when you ordered, or somehow realised, and asked...unlikely, but say what?

My guess is that they won't notice. I don't drink very much and people don't bat an eyelid these days - they're too merry with booze.

Also, I don't make a big deal of not drinking.

I wouldn't care at all if my sibling announced they were pregnant before or even during my wedding. It's wonderful, happy news. And I don't feel it would take away from my special day at all. But you know your future sister in law and brother better than anyone here. Do you think it would annoy them? If so, definitely don't announce it yet.

Although, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I told my immediate family. I couldn't imagine not doing that. They were sworn to secrecy until after my 12 week scan when I then told wider family members and friends.

But you should think about how the bridal couple would feel/react before you do anything.
The hiding drinking alcohol is an easy, non issue imo.

It's early to announce it and this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. You don't want to be accused of trying to steal the limelight around the wedding, so I'd say nothing if I were you. Just say you are driving, or having given up the booze to watch your weight. Most people won't notice or ask. You can take a little sip of any fizz to do a toast. Sit there with a small glass of wine in front of you and just don't drink it. People will notice if you say 'no thanks not for me, I'm not drinking' but if you take a glass of wine and a have a glass of water to hand as well, honestly no-one will notice whether you drink the wine or not. Especially if you appear to occasionally sip from it.

But what if people are more private than you are? I lost a pregnancy and am actually glad that i didn't tell people I was pregnant. I couldn't have coped with people asking me about it after the miscarriage. Or having to tell them. It's entirely up to the individual, It says a lot about our boozy world that people have to find excuses to NOT drink. I do agree with you though that we can be upfront and say I just don't want to drink. Although you might then have to fend off the insistence that you have "just one". This is where the excuses come in handy.

Just have a glass to hand and take sips during toasts if you fancy, a glass of fizz is absolutely fine.
I know it varies, but by week 10 I was either at work, commuting or in bed, I was so tired. So good luck staying awake!
(Loads of energy after the first trimestre, don't panic.)

Full on projectile vomiting from my recollection of taking it!! Though I then found out I’m severely allergic to it… throat closed up lips swelled the lot!!! One scary experience that was!

Telling the truth in that way increases your privacy because it cuts out speculation. If you are someone for whom it is noticeable if you aren't drinking then any excuse will make people notice more and possibly gossip more. If you say and that it's early days then it cuts that out and everyone moves on with enjoying the rest of the day.

Wait until after the wedding…….no drinking alcohol does not have to be a giveaway regarding your pregnancy. Let your brother and future SIL have this special time in their lives before you impart your special news to the wider family. And good luck with the pregnancy…….hope the wedding goes well too

Actually, I remember with my first, I was six weeks pregnant at a hen party with a lot of alcohol. I very quietly told the hen why I wasn't drinking, she kissed me, I just enjoyed fruit juice with a couple of Muslim guests. I didn't know anyone so I just said I was teetotal like them.

Can confirm, though, that a day and a night on fruit juice doesn't make you happy the next morning either...

Like I suggested: you do you.

I've been there, done it. Got the T-shirt.

I don't believe you're wanting to announce it before purely because of having to pretend to drink. What's the real reason?

Congratulations.