Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

I don't understand some of these comments at all. "It's before 12 weeks so looks like stealing limelight"? They're family. Her own parents and brother. Many many people tell parents and siblings much earlier than 12 weeks.

I found out I was pregnant the day a grandparent went onto end of life care. They passed when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, funeral at 11 weeks pregnant. As it was I was really unwell with HG, had bleeds and ended up at EPAU getting scanned for potential ectopic.

I knew I couldn't hide it at the funeral because I was so sick, so I told parents and siblings the week before after a private scan showed all OK. I didn't tell them before that as I wanted to let them focus on the dying parent, and I wanted to be sure as possible all going OK as that was the third grandparent lost within a year and I didn't want to add to their losses if anything went wrong.

If you feel comfortable telling your parents tell them, it will be fine. Otherwise you'll be having to wait until a few weeks after the wedding to avoid 'taking the limelight off remembering their special day/honeymoon" or whatever.

I agree I'd wait until after the wedding. Not only to not steal the limelight from your brother & his wife to be but also to give your pregnancy time to get properly established.

Wait. Nobody will even notice if you are drinking or not. Pretend to sip during the toast.

I honestly hadn't realised when people talk about not telling anyone until 12 weeks they included their parents and siblings in that

I think many people tell their parents and maybe siblings before 12 weeks, but in this situation many also choose to wait a couple of weeks so their sibling can have their day. I imagine A LOT of family dynamics comes into it - first grandchild? Golden child? Jealousies. Infertility.

Only OP knows whether her brother will take it.

I think you should wait until after they come back from honeymoon. You don't want to steal their thunder. Get a glass of wine/ champagne at the wedding. Surely, no one will be watching that closely to see if you or DH drinks it.

No ffs anything could happen you are only 8 weeks ! Let your brother have his day and tell them after 12 weeks

This place makes me laugh sometimes.

Everyone is telling the OP to wait so as not to steal their limelight, but if the OP had been a bride who was upset her SIL had announced a pregnancy two weeks before her wedding, she’d have been torn apart and told that she’s a Bridezilla, she’s not the centre of the universe, and to get over herself. 🤣

All my 4 I didn't tell anyone until my 12 week scan.

I wasn't a "precious idiot" as a bride. But I'd've been pretty pissed off if someone announced something big on the day I'd paid a lot of money for, and which was meant to focus on my husband and myself. I don't think that's precious in the slightest!

I would have loved it if a family member had announced they were pregnant just before my wedding!

But if you do want to keep it a secret, then absolutely do not use the antibiotics excuse. I agree with the PP that said you might as well be wearing a t-shirt that says PREGGERS, ha! If you say you have a UTI then nobody can argue with that 😆

Then we very much disagree on the definition of precious.

I'd have been more than happy if anyone told people at my wedding they were pregnant. Happy news would have only added to the overall happiness of the day. Thinking that other people having good news to share takes away from me as the bride and my day is what makes it absolutely precious to me.

Unless you're a raving lush, I doubt anyone would notice much less comment on you not drinking. If anyone does ask, just say you're on antibiotics.

It's their day, not yours. Keep your news to yourself until after the wedding.

I am way too old to care about being cool!
The bridezilla behaviour I referred to is about brides who care about this crap. Not the guests. The OP as a guest is doing nothing wrong. It depends how much of a bridezilla the actual bride it. Hope that clears it up for you.

mean

😂

The use of "mean" does somewhat sum up the playground childishness of thinking brides need to be protected from someone else having good news to share

keep quiet. Offer to drive so that's your excuse for not drinking.

I think this is the definition of being precious though. You can’t police what people talk about at your wedding. A few folk giving a quick congrats is not taking the shine off your wedding day for goodness sake.

Brides/grooms must be terribly fragile or just underwhelming, as the simplest things upstage them at their weddings

I often wonder this. Are brides and grooms not happy enough to get married, with their friends and families in attendance? Is their relationship/happiness so fragile, that a guest wearing the wrong shoes or the wrong colour dress or telling people about a pregnancy or engagement, will actually ruin their day?! It blows my mind.

Tell your brother and sister in law and ask them how they feel.

they might not care if you mention it, they might prefer you hold it.

BUTTTTTTTTTT…you should wait until 12 weeks anyway because of miscarriage risks

Yes because whilst there is no reason to be a dick if someone announces their pregnancy before your wedding, you can equally say there is no harm in holding it back a couple of weeks as courtesy.

it’s not hard is it, don’t be a dick if it happens to you, and don’t be a dick by doing it to someone

You can wait until 12 weeks if you want to, lots of people choose to. Not should. It's entirely up to the couple and how they would feel about potential miscarriage and talking about it.

No! it's his wedding. Jesus. jealous much?

what a waste of a reply.

Sorry, didn't realise I had a daily limit. There is a difference between can and should and dictating how others feel about the 12 week point is rather odd.

So is this about taking the shine off the wedding, or about telling people too soon? Because the later is up for debate here as far as I can see from the OP.

I can’t even believe this has been raised. It’s such a personal decision to make. Some people prefer to wait until 12 weeks, others are happy to share when they find out. That’s not what’s up for discussion here.