Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

I would have already told the family without thinking about the timing of a wedding. We told parents and siblings pretty much as soon as the wee was dry on the test.

Had it been within a fortnight of a sibling's wedding wouldn't have changed anything and I'd have felt the same reversed. If I thought a sibling of mine was deliberately holding onto news they would otherwise share just because it was coming up to my wedding I'd be mortified they thought I was so immature that I wouldn't just be happy for them.

I agree with waiting, while it's up to you when and how you tell people and you're in no way obligated to wait until the 12 week mark, people may interpret it as spot light stealing and let's be honest, weddings can bring out the worst of family drama.

At the same time I will say that I told a few close friends when I wasn't long pregnant and then had a scare the next day and surprised myself that I regretted telling them - I'd have told them what happened eventually anyway if I'd had a miscarriage (thankfully ds arrived safely) but because they were checking in with me loads it wouldn't have been on my terms when I was ready to talk about it if that makes sense and I ended up having to deal with questions I had no answers for which was really hard even though it was all caring and well intentioned.

I'd drive or claim a dodgy tummy. Or if you feel it will absolutely become an issue I'd speak quietly to the bride and groom and ask what they think you should do. But again they'll probably feel obligated to tell you it's fine to announce so you're kind of putting them in a spot.

Why do you assume it is done to bring attention on her?

OP says I know how excited they are going to be!

I suppose they might go back to their own homes and be giddy with excitement by themselves, but usually it's a shared excitement (as it should be).

OP wants to share her lovely news. Having attention on herself isn't a bad thing - a pregnancy is usually a joyous time. Just wait a couple of weeks.

Just keep quiet and pretend to sip away at ‘Prosecco’. It won’t be difficult, just you and hubby get the drinks and even if it’a a soft drink you can say it’s vodka, rum etc.

Me either especially my sister, Jesus it would make me feel happier! Don’t understand it at all

Sorry to quote you, as plenty are saying similar, but why on earth would anyone notice or care what someone else was drinking?

That’s so bizarre to me, I couldn’t act so fake around my family

Get the bar to put your lemonade in a gin glass with some fruit. Nobody will notice.

I would keep quiet. Seen so many stories on here about people stealing the thunder at weddings.

also ignore people who say you need to wait until 12 weeks. Announce after the wedding to close family as if something does go wrong you will need their support.

I’ve lost babies and wanted close people to know to congratulate me and then support after loss

Are people so narcissistic that they need to control the conversation others have at their wedding! If it was my wedding and an aunt or cousin mentioned my sisters pregnancy I’d say I know! How lovely! How can you be jealous of family member being pregnant and people taking about it? I didn’t realise weddings were about being the centre of attention for the whole day!

Same. It's really weird to me to be putting on an act and lying to them in person like that

I'd tell family now. Assuming the private scan showed a viable intrauterine pregnancy, there have been no other losses, and you are under 40 then your risk of miscarriage has already fallen from 20-25% to 10%.

Somebody is quite likely to speculate or guess at the wedding and it would inevitably detract attention from the bride and groom.

You know your brother best, would he rather know?

If you’re worried about pretending to drink, don’t be. People might twig you are not drinking and suspect but who cares? They won’t be insensitive enough to ask!

Get your husband onside with a plan to ask you what you want to drink and then come back with a lemonade or whatever looks like it. Take an appetiser to pour into your champagne glass subtly. Have a glass of wine at the table that you ‘sip’ from occasionally and then just leave it on the table or have your husband switch with his mostly empty one.

Why does it have to be ‘announced’ in the first place? 🙄 Just tell people, like normal people do.

Keep quiet. It is very early, best wait. Congratulations.

Personally i would wait until after i’d be pretty pissed off if my husband to be’s sister/brother and their partner announced her pregnancy so close to my wedding. The lead up to and the day is supposed to be about the bride and groom and a pregnancy announcement could ruin that special time for them.
Tell people you have a urine infection or ear infection or something that requires antibiotics and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself at their wedding so have decided not to drink. You could always order non alcoholic drinks on the sly. I had found out i was pregnant with my second shortly before a close friends dad passed away and i didn’t think it was appropriate to tell people and i was quite a drinker (not an alcoholic though) so people would immediately suspect if i wasn’t drinking so at the wake i told the bartender i was pregnant but nobody knew so when i say i want a gin and lemonade or vodka and coke give me just a lemonade or just a coke instead and that worked for me.

This. I managed it fine. Always hold a drink in your hand. Confidently. You will unforgiveably turn it into a circus for your brother and sister-in-law otherwise.

It really depends on whether you think brother and OH are the type to get offended by someone stealing their thunder. Some people like all the attention to be on them, others couldn’t care less and would be graciously happy for you.
If you decide not to tell, just get a glass of something that looks like alcohol. Diet Coke in a tall glass no one can tell if it has vodka in it or not!
Personally for me it would be more about 8-10 weeks still being a tiny bit early for telling people. Don’t most folk wait till 12 weeks anyway?

Yes we did this too. Take the drinks, don’t make excuses not to drink as it highlights it. Pretend to drink. Drink the same as your partner. Pop the drinks down close together but slyly pick up each others drink to make it look like you’re drinking (but it’s just your partner drinking double! 😂)
I would also slyly pour small amounts in the sink, garden etc. depending on where you are. If you find there’s a moment where everyone else has stepped away then get your glass close to empty and such ..

I would wait only because you’re very early still.
Im recently married and wouldn’t have an issue with a family member announcing their pregnancy 2 weeks before my wedding. But then I’m a mature adult and married for love rather than attention. Even if people were talking about it, it would just be more reason to share the love.

I would give them their day. There’s lots of excuses for not drinking. Or stick to nosecco and that way no one knows. For table wine just say it gives u too much of a headache and u want to remember the day without having to deal with a sore head.

It must be exhausting to be part of a family where you have to feed the drama all the time by tiptoeing around other people's preciousness about their special day and creating elaborate subterfuges with secret alcohol-free drinks and lying about UTIs.

I honestly hadn't realised when people talk about not telling anyone until 12 weeks they included their parents and siblings in that. I had three miscarriages before my first successful pregnancy so I was very cautious indeed about telling most people - I didn't tell anyone at work until I was 20 weeks, I avoided having any photos of me pregnant on social media - but to me I wouldn't any more have not told my very closest family and friends before 12 weeks than I would have kept it secret from DH until that point. Similarly I knew about all of my SIL's pregnancies the next time I saw them after they themselves found out - I would have found it so strange if they hadn't told me because I was getting married soon. Maybe the fact that OP is asking, and is using the word 'announcement' means she's picturing something quite different: I certainly wouldn't be handing out 'grandma to be mugs' at the reception!

I do think there’s many ways around this without taking the shine from your brothers big day. Maybe it depends how much your brother is likely to be bothered by this though as other posters have said?

Each to their own for when they share pregnancy news but I’d never ‘announce’ it this early as it’d such a fragile time (maybe that’s due to my own repeat losses but just seems early). Don’t know why people harp on about 12 weeks either when it’s just a dating scan, 20 is when you get the health information of your baby.

Just pretend you’re drinking or make up another viable excuse (driving, childcare, plans following day, unwell, training for an event, whatever!)
If it was me, I’d ask my partner to get my drinks and I’d make a point of saying - VODKA and lime and soda please(or whatever your tipple) when they asked.

Can’t believe this is even a topic of discussion. Tell who you want. You’re allowed to celebrate your unborn child regardless of whether your brother is getting married in 2 weeks. Are people really that self absorbed they’d get annoyed about something like this?!

Also, I have never been to any wedding ever where the people just talk about the bride and groom all day. That would be like being in a cult. People always use them to catch up with people they haven't seen in a while and they will talk about other people's news whether or not they know the OP is pregnant!