To feel totally betrayed by my Maid of Honour

[FromMissToMrs]

Have name changed for this because don't want this linked to me in real life.

Wedding situation that I don't know how to handle at all.

Firstly would like to start with saying I got married on Saturday & had the most amazing day. My husband & I felt so lucky, we had so much fun & our friends & family were great so we aren't going to let this situation take away from that but we aren't sure how to handle the situation going forward either.

So here's my AIBU to feel completely let down & hurt by my MOH.

She was distant the whole day, didn't have formal photos with her because I couldn't find her, she didn't dance with me, she didn't chat to any other guests, she wore the same shoes as me, didn't pick any of the ones I'd suggested - now all these things were annoying but I could cope however the two bigger things are

1. Her & her partner left really early
2. They snuck up to the bridal suite & had sex during the reception - not in the bedroom thankfully but in another part of the suite.

It's left a horrible feeling about our friendship & I feel like she's acted completely inappropriately. Neither her or her partner drink, so no blaming alcohol for her behaviour.

I feel so blessed to have had an amazing day & I'm excited to spend a life with my husband. Off on our honeymoon shortly & just wanted to vent about this first so I don't think about it at all going forward.

She hasn't been in touch with me since the day, didn't speak to my husband at all on the day, so my current plan is to just not contact her at all & see how I feel when she next messages me. Not sure if that's right or not.

Have you never heard the expression “honeymoon period”

generally the high that follows something

She is a jealous selfish woman who needs to be kicked to the curb.

Yes!!

this poster, as do I , find it a bit odd / depressing that someone would be choosing to spend their time focussing on the negative of their otherwise wonderful weddings mere three days, when they are just about to head off on their honeymoon.

Unless there’s something bothering you - and clearly it’s not just the bride’s issue. The groom isn’t exactly impressed with MOH’s behaviour either.

I’m sure the Op can both enjoy her honeymoon and think her friend was behaving weirdly.

Not just focusing on the negative, but wondering what was wrong with her friend and clearly concerned. OP clearly haas been let down and is rightly wondering why. I think most people would feel the same. I certainly would - even more so if my new husband was similarly concerned.

No problem underestanding anyone’s point thanks and educated to degree level so what do you think I’m misunderstanding here - or anywhere else for that matter ?

Yes your policy’s right OP

I wish the laughing emoji was still here

😂 Well put!

Not unreasonable at all – she massively let you down. The bridal suite thing is just 🤯. You’re right not to let it overshadow your day, but also fair to feel hurt. I’d do exactly what you’re doing – don’t chase, and see if she ever reaches out.

Aint that the truth?!

It's one of the most irritating aspects of MN. People who project their own ideas on to the OP and pick them apart - missing the question completely that the post was asking.

So tedious.

@Thesecondcoff couldn’t quote your second post directed at me because it’s already been deleted. Don’t know who’s reporting but if you post a personal attack and refer to other threads you have to expect deletion if it’s picked up.. And not a sensitive soul thanks. Couldn’t care less about a random on an internet forum who clearly prefers to post further attacks than back up what they’re saying.

Eeuw. Tacky.

It's someone else's day and you're there to celebrate it. Why not wait a few hours?

1. They snuck up to the bridal suite & had sex during the reception - not in the bedroom thankfully but in another part of the suite.

This would be it for me!! OP you have the patience of a saint, even the way you’re engaging with all these MN weirdoes fixating on the shoe colour 🤣

Dont just back down on this! Enjoy your beautiful honeymoon and don’t contact your friend. If she comes crawling then you tell her you expect an explanation and an apology.

She fucked up, not me, I'm hurt & really surprised & just wondered how to handle it.

So she wore shoes you told her nothing about and had sex, but not in a bed you were supposed to sleep?

You are unhinged to start this thread.

Tbh I'd be much more concerned of my new DH spending so much energy on my friend and gossiping about her.
You may come back in 7y with "help my best friend and DH had an affair".

Comprehension fail ?

Naaah, I just know people.
No man will look and be bothered for a random woman on his own wedding unless he likes her.

I think this is very likely a lot to do with the new bf. Your DM saw him being harsh with your friend, you should listen to that. Especially since you said her behaviour was out of character, he’s the one thing in her life that’s different.

It sounds like this has been an important friendship to you, so I think you should cut her some slack here. (I do understand why you’re upset, though.)

op, first congratulations on your wedding. secondly, not to worry you, but when my so called friend behaved the same way your friend has, it was because she had been shagging my ex h. its either that or shes jealous. either way, i'd phase her out of your life if i were you.

Exactly what PashaMinaMio said. I think you were lovely to your MOH and deserved better. You sound like a lovely thoughtful caring person. Forget her. Congratulations to you and your lovely husband. Have a wonderful life together filled with love and kindness.

Do we actually know she had sex in the suite?

the oddest thing to me is your husband being really upset about this on his wedding day? Why? Surely he didn’t even notice. Maybe you should pay more attention to that

Were I a betting woman, I'd lay money on the new partner being an abusive controller, who is probably waging a whole campaign just to distance her from you and isolate her generally. Do you know her mum or sister, could you have a chat with them when you get back, see what they think of him. I was going to post that even before I saw your post about someone witnessing him being harsh with her at the wedding.
I'm sorry OP, but glad you had a lovely day otherwise.