To feel totally betrayed by my Maid of Honour

[FromMissToMrs]

Have name changed for this because don't want this linked to me in real life.

Wedding situation that I don't know how to handle at all.

Firstly would like to start with saying I got married on Saturday & had the most amazing day. My husband & I felt so lucky, we had so much fun & our friends & family were great so we aren't going to let this situation take away from that but we aren't sure how to handle the situation going forward either.

So here's my AIBU to feel completely let down & hurt by my MOH.

She was distant the whole day, didn't have formal photos with her because I couldn't find her, she didn't dance with me, she didn't chat to any other guests, she wore the same shoes as me, didn't pick any of the ones I'd suggested - now all these things were annoying but I could cope however the two bigger things are

1. Her & her partner left really early
2. They snuck up to the bridal suite & had sex during the reception - not in the bedroom thankfully but in another part of the suite.

It's left a horrible feeling about our friendship & I feel like she's acted completely inappropriately. Neither her or her partner drink, so no blaming alcohol for her behaviour.

I feel so blessed to have had an amazing day & I'm excited to spend a life with my husband. Off on our honeymoon shortly & just wanted to vent about this first so I don't think about it at all going forward.

She hasn't been in touch with me since the day, didn't speak to my husband at all on the day, so my current plan is to just not contact her at all & see how I feel when she next messages me. Not sure if that's right or not.

Yes, i find it depressing that someone is about to head off on the honeymoon with their brand new husband… and they’re bashing out angry posts on mumsnet about their wedding day.

There are a lot of bridezillas on here. The OP isn't one of them. Saying to someone 'you can have any dress and shoes you want, and I'll pay, but please avoid -
-silver shoes and belt

• shoes the exact same as mine

Is not an unreasonable request and wouldn't cause any difficulties for the MoH.

Sneaking up to the bridal suite for sex, ignoring one of the two simple requests yhe bride made about outfits, disappearing when she was needed to help for things or when photos were being taken, not speaking to the bride, and leaving early without explanation are all rude behaviours, and yes she let you down.

And ignore the posters who think just because you've got married you shouldn't be upset that a friend has been really off with you

So no one else on this thread is going to admit to having sex at a wedding?

Did you in the bridal suite during the reception?

You know the old two sides/differing perspectives?

My comment was offering a different perspective as a bridesmaid who was treated like crap by a former best friend who had become so one-track minded about her own wedding that everything happening in other people's lives completely went over her head.

I know that from her perspective, I killed the friendship in my case by not reciprocating, and I just wonder if there was something OP missed. Not saying she was a bridezilla, just asking if there was something that might have gone over her head!

It's difficult obviously to know what happened to cause things, but the MOH acting abhorrently at the actual wedding is horrid for the bride!!!

Op you weren’t bridezilla and even if you were she shouldn’t have had sex in the bridal suite.

My take on this is that she has a new man who didn’t want to come. He probably told her he would have a rubbish time because wouldn’t know anyone and she’d be busy with you. In return she’s assured him that she won’t leave him on his own and has then taken this too far by not being around for the photos and the sex in the bridal suite is a clear power play.

Have a fab honeymoon, try not to think about it and just discuss with your friend when you get back.

Well yes, I agree with you too, to some degree. However some people do seem to end up in controlling relationships quite quickly, and I would personally want to rule that out before I condemned the bad behaviour of a longstanding and good friend.

It wasn't a bridal suite sort of wedding tbh

MOH was aware my other friend heard & begged her not to tell me because she was aware 'I would be fucking furious if I knew' so she did it knowing I wouldn't be pleased.

the friend told you? During the wedding? Bloody hell. I’d have said to MOH “you did what???” And told her it was well below the bar but not a chance I would have upset the bride by actually telling her

ok

so if there had been a bridal suite… would you have sought out that location to have sex? And you were MOH?

I think she felt jealous of you for years or secretly disliked you for whatever reason and took out her frustration in this way. She is not your friend.

She’s not ‘bashing out angry posts’. She’s clearly upset.

You seem unusually angry though. That is rather depressing getting so incensed from a woman trying to understand why her friend has behaved so appallingly.

Actually this is a good point, who was the shit stirrer that passed this on?

I’d bet my house of this being a dickhead boyfriend issue. He kicks off and she’s trying to placate him all day. In light of previous good character it’s seem the most obvious explanation is him.

Maybe read my posts?

to say I find it depressing to think of someone about to head off on the honeymoon and choosing to spend their time tapping away about they anger towards their MOH… is fairly reasonable.

do you feel joyous reading it?

Believe your mother when she observed the boyfriend being harsh to your friend. He sounds like the problem if he's controlling.

Enjoy your honeymoon. Be there for your friend if necessary in the future

MN is batshit!
I've only read OP's posts but (as usual) I can see that OP has felt the need to answer to people falling over themselves to make her out to be a bridezilla.

Her MOH used the bridal suite to have sex in or OP's wedding day. FFS, show me a single person who would not be upset by that.

But what about the friend that in all her infinite wisdom thought it would be a good idea to TELL the bride

Also out of order and also not OP being a zilla

Op get better friends

1. a moh who doesn’t behave like this
2. a friend who learns what happens and doesn’t trip over herself to tell you

On this site women bend over backwards to excuse shitty behaviour because it’s a woman. A woman can do no wrong here.

@FromMissToMrs i think some people get ultra weird at weddings. My sibling's best friend cried throughout because she was resentful they got married. She'd seen my sibling as her rock but didnt want her to marry anyone. So she essentially she wanted to ruin the day.

I suspect people can think 2 things at once eg a) I’m looking forward to my honeymoon and b) I can’t believe my friend thought it a good idea to shag in my hotel suite.

Some tremendous contortions by posters to blame the Op for XYZ whilst sidestepping the actual question.

if you don’t want an awkward situation with your friend, don’t shag in her hotel room.

Life is too short for friends like this. She has shown you who she is and what she thinks of your friendship, and these things often reveal themselves at the best and worst times of our lives.

I'm guessing she ducked out early because she had been caught in the bridal suite. However, her behaviour leading up to that (and including it) was passive-aggressive....or downright aggressive. She clearly had her reasons, and I suspect it was some form of jealousy.

I understand that you have a 20 year history, but clearly that doesn't matter to her. I've been in this position, and it's hurtful. You need to ask yourself if this is the kind of friend you want in your life. I would not reach out. If she does, then you can decide if you want to continue this friendship, and if so, on what level.

For now, focus on your honeymoon and more positive people.