To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

This!

Do you park horribly on the school run? Instant blacklist for me 😂

She may be chatty with other mums because they are her friends, and you’re not. Just because you have kids who are mates, she might have all the friends she needs and just not be interested. Nothing personal. Honestly, people can be friends with who they like and it’s nothing to do with you. Just say hi, remain polite and don’t give it another thought.

If someone responds with “I’m busy on Saturday” (or whenever) and does not offer up an alternative day then personally I think that is a clear sign they do not want to meet.

If the school mum was up for a play date with the OP she would have readily suggested another day or said “let me see me when I’m free and get back to you”. The fact she was busy on three different occasions says it all.

It’s about reading the room/social cues.

You wont ever know the reasons why she is being like this OP, people on here will give the reasons they think (dressed up as fact) based on their own circumstances and personality but you will never actually know so I would just back off.

I agree with others that you don’t need to be friends with your sons friends parents but for sure some parents do need this, we had one Mum who was so OTT at having to know everything about us that it got unnerving, she had very high standards for who her child was friends with and that fine but I am not about to give someone chapter and verse on my entire life just because she is a control freak, she was basically asking our household income at one point.

Also you only need to look at threads on here such as the current one about things you will never let your children do to see that some people are such control freaks they are outright saying that they won’t ever allow their child on a play date or to play with anyone other than siblings or cousins. It’s a sad existence for those kids but it isn’t you or your DC’s problem.

I did always say hello so was not rude but there were some Mums I just didn’t want to hang out with at school. So if it had been some Mums asking I wouldn’t have wanted a play date at the park because then it’s me having to hang out with someone I don’t want to. If it’s dropping a child at a house for them to play that’s different because its a quick chat at drop off and pick up. All this be kind all the time, it’s only women that have to do it isn’t it.

I spent enough of my time with colleagues and family who I wouldn’t have chosen to but had to.

One school mum whose dd repeatedly came for play dates at DD’s, without ever once inviting Gdd back, eventually told dd (once she finally asked) that she just couldn’t be bothered with hosting play dates.

Just saying.

Why are we assuming that this other mum has no friends just because they don't want to be friends with OP?

Sometimes you just don't click with another person. It's not that deep.

You don't have to click, its the kids who are friends.

We see it on here all the time a parent who is stuck for childcare or a school pick up as they cba to even try and get to know other parents.

There's nothing childish about she doesn't want to be friends with you.
It's matter-of-fact, if anything.
I think it's very clear from the OP's info that this mum isn't interested in a friendship.
If the OP had kept interactions with the mum to the basics needed to facilitate the friendship, then this other mum may be up for a chat over coffee, but it seems she has seen the OP as too full-on, or perhaps she just doesn't like her for whatever reason. It's allowed.
There was a full-on mum in my son's nursery who called at my house every morning to walk together. I stuck it out because I knew they'd be going to different primary schools. I was so relieved when nursery ended.
She seemed so unaware of how disinterested I was in having a friendship with her (my bad, no doubt) but I remained courteous. It was draining.
I imagine this mum is trying to avoid the possibility that she may not be able to shake off the OP.

You don't have to click, its the kids who are friends.

If the kids are still young & you'd be staying for the playdate that can be hard to do if you don't like the other mum.

I think the other mum is rude for ignoring.

You'd think she could say hello or just acknowledge!

The OP has said that this woman has sat and chatted to others so probably has other friends. It’s just for whatever reason she does not want to be friends with the OP.

I was just explaining to my DD in the car this morning on way to school, that some people have the attitude that they already have enough friends and that it’s nothing to do with who YOU are as a person, it’s about their wishes for themselves.

Perhaps the other parent is thinking 'why won't this woman take the hint?' so maybe she sees her only option to actively ignore.
That doesn't mean she's not a good person.
Why is it her responsibility to accommodate social interaction that she clearly, for whatever reason, doesn't want?

To be fair I'm very shy and I can talk comfortably to some people that I know well or jsut some people are easier to talk to, and not so much to others so that doesn't necessarily mean anything, although if OP's regularly approaching her i'd say that would make her easier to talk to.

OP I have a similar nature but have learnt to back off if an invite isn't taken up then I would just drop it.

Like you, I'd struggle not to be friendly in person though if I knew our kids were really getting on.l so I feel your pain!

Sometimes I think thd school pick up makes parents regress to their schooldays too. The cliques, blanking and ignoring other mums depending on which way the wind is blowing that day. Being hot and cold and petty.

Just ignore this mum and focus on other school mums, your children will probably change friendships in any case as that is what kids do.

In work, people are paid to be there. It's in their interests to make it a pleasant environment.

OP has asked her twice, two months apart. She is hardly hassling her all the time? Two play dates isn’t really that bad. I think the other woman is rude based upon that personally. If OP had asked loads then I’d get it, but a few times with months between them really isn’t that bad.

Yes just move on. I wouldnt keep asking. Some I clicked with some not. I would never be rude though.

I would say, no matter how hard we try to rationalise it to ourselves, it still hurts a lot when other people reject us. It hurts slightly less when it’s because these other people don’t want to have any more friends. And it hurts more if these other people reject us when we don’t earn enough or don’t live in the right village.

I think repeatedly asking is also rude.

None of us know how the OP has come across when inviting the other mum, though.
It may have seemed to the other mum that OP wanted friendship with her, rather than simply facilitating their sons' friendship.
I know I couldn't be arsed with that.

Twice is barely ‘repeatedly’

I think its a rule because in part its true. Many have the same experience, I came across the bitchyness, my sisters always use to moan, some of my friends .. and there's no excuse for rudness I'm afraid.. there's no other way to describe it. You mention it's not wanting to befriend a random bunch of women but no need to be rude about it. There was a couple of mums at primary school who never got involved with play dates or organising anything but always said hello and acted friendly... so looks like being rude.. is just being rude.

Maybe, I think a play date and a disco doesn’t imply parental friendship but I guess without bearing her side we don’t know how she interpreted it. I still think she sounds rude though, personally.