To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

[tralalaa1225]

DD struggled at school, we had a lot going on at home and she only just about scraped through GGSEs. It was bloody hard work keeping her on track and she barely did any revision. However her love of Drama won her a scholarship at a local private school and I was really hoping focusing on fewer subjects would re ignite some passion for her subjects.

She is now in lower 6th and tbh I’m sick of the battles trying to get her engege with the courses. Even Drama no longer holds any interest for her. She has a part time job at our local pub which she shows much more motivation for but we have regular arguments over the hours she works. Both me, her Dad and school have raised concerns about the job impacting on her school work but she takes no notice.

I know fundamentally she wants to leave 6th form, she feels a failure academically and much more of a success in her job. TBH I am sick of the battles and am on the cusp of giving her the ok to leave. Feels such a failure though and that she would ultimately regret walking away.
My other worry is that she has failed Maths GCSE twice now and says the recent 3rd attempt wasn’t any better. What happens then with applying for jobs without Maths?

I have been called into school several times by concerned teachers who are doing their best to support her but at 17 it seems utterly ridiculous

Do I just stand back and let her make this huge decision or keep persevering with school?

I’d let her do what she wants, it’s her life

I sympathise, but by law she should be in some kind of education or training until she turns 18.

Does she have any neurodivergence issues?

I assume she's doing a levels op? Would she be happier at a college doing a vocational course?

Could you suggest she looks at colleges for NVQs? Academics isn't for everyone, there are good options that don't require ALevels and degrees.

No! It’s not 1990 where you leave school at 16 work in a pub and can afford to rent a room come 18. Life’s bloody hard and expensive. But I would look at another route for training and learning as 6th form clearly isn’t for her.

Tricky one op but you can't make her want to study. Has she actually said that she wants to leave? My friend's daughter wasn't academic and struggled through her A levels. She did stick them out but worked in cafes as well then got a working visa to Australia and has lived and worked there in a variety of different jobs mainly cafes and retail for several years now and has had a fantastic time. The maths would be useful though. Has she looked at getting a Functional Maths qualification?

Employment is an option at her age.

NEET is the term for 16+ who are Not in Employment, Education or Training. Ideally they are doing one of those three.

I suspect level of ADHD. She finds it really difficult to focus and can be very emotionally disregulated. However school has been really good and offered a high level of support.

She’s working right now; “too exhausted” for school this morning but quite happy to work til 11pm tonight. Tried putting my foot down but that makes it worse

What if you said to her that she needs to save up and put away the money it would cost to retake three a levels in the future? And pass her maths gcse. Then she could quit college?

Not sure how much it'd cost x

Its hard at that age, but I'm of the opinion that its best to keep her sane, healthy and close to you during these years, and she might decide in a few years time that shes ready for further study x

What does she like about the job? Would she like to find an apprenticeship or vocational qualifications in hospitality or small business management?

Not true - she can also be in employment.

She can't be forced into education, and it is damaging to try to force her. She won't gain anything but she could lose any motivation to learn when older. I appreciate you believe she is making a mistake. She may be. But you won't fix the mistake by forcing her into something she doesn't want.

I made my daughter stay. She didn’t sit GCSEs as it was 2020 but she may well have failed maths if she sat the actual paper.
we struggled through. She also had a pub job! She found a uni course she was really interested in, and she’s about to graduate with likely a first. I felt in todays world a year of pain was worth her future and it paid off.
she stayed home for uni, has loved every bit of it and thanks me for being so stubborn with her.

we broke sixth form into chunks and only thought about that bit - up to half term, up Xmas, up to Feb then Easter then done!

I think there is a huge swath of opportunities between 6th form at an independent school and working NMW at the local pub.

Maybe this school isn’t right for her. What about other colleges or 6th forms? What about some sort of technical apprenticeship (probably highly sought after but you never know?) where she can do sound or theatre management while auditioning for some local productions? What about a working holiday at a drama summer camp abroad?

I would sit down with her and be really honest about the realities of pub work going forward. Great as a first job part time. A whole lot less great when you want to start a family one day and need to afford childcare and need sociable daytime hours, or when you need to save up for a house deposit.

I do think there is something to be said for knowing yourself well enough to change course when something isn’t right. I actually did the same at 17. But it has to be with some goal in mind. I would worry about my dd if she just drifted into and got stuck in pub work if she had other passions and ambitions.

Could you look for a diagnosis and medication to help her focus? Not saying she shouldn't also explore vocational training. If she got a scholarship for drama could she look at vocational drama training instead?

She’s doing 1 A level and 2 diplomas so a good mix of exams and course work.
she was given the opportunity to go to a
college to learn something vocational but chose the 6th form.

I’ve said to her treat it like a stepping stone and focus on the future but surely it shouldn’t be this hard!

It wouldn't be the end of the world if she did decide to work instead. She could pick up studies again at a later date.

My own DS, 22, has no qualifications to speak of, HATED school, could not cope with secondary. Has been with his employer for over a year and gets good feedback and has had a promotion. Is now contemplating getting his Maths and English GCSE as his employer will help to fund it.

There are many paths in life, we don't all tread the same ones.

If she might be struggling with ADHD that will make it hard. I'd look at getting a diagnosis. My nephew has ADHD and crashed out of his A levels. He has an apprenticeship now which he's really enjoying but he is on medication and he still struggles with sleep and getting up for work in the morning.

On the olden days it was possible to leave school at 16. Many pupils did and in many cases it didn’t do them any harm. They worked hard, climbed the ladders and did all right thank you!

A qualification in hospitality might be something to aim for? Learning on the job, thence onto bigger things, more corporate environments with opportunities to train? Don’t worry Mum, it often turns out okay.

Sometimes people are much happier in their life when doing work that they love and enjoy. We do want what's best for our children , if they don't want to continue on with education and prefer to go out into the workplace that's ok, millions of people do it.

I think what you need to do is have a good discussion about it, agree to listen to each others concerns and also look at all the negatives and positives and make sure that it's kept calm and not end in arguments. You all may bring up something that the other person never considered.

It's important to let her know that now she'll be in full time employment that she'll be contributing to the home.

It's ok, further education isn't for everyone and it sounds like she has tried. Once she's aware that there'll be many jobs she won't be able to apply for in the future, however there are options to study later in life and lots of people do better then as they are more mature and really want it and are more interested so study hard.

Can you find an apprentiship in hospitality and her do functional skills maths alongside it?

I think the reality of full time pub work might be hard, but then I have seen quite a few people graduate recently and basically doing this type of work anyway. I'm not saying they will always but it's not a given and someine struggling to focus isn't going to find that easy either.

If she wants to do a degree as a mature student there are access courses or the apprentiship might qualify.

What I observe is that she has found something she is good at:
being busy
multi tasking
banter with customers
drama with collesgues
teamwork

she has just been paid £1200 for last month which shows the number of
hours shes working! What she doesn’t get is that her wage will never significantly increase and she’d soon have to start paying her own way!

Hospitality Apprenticeship with Functional Skills Maths?

Crossposted @Fearfulsaints
Great minds...😂

This isn’t the law though, kids can leave school at sixteen.