To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

[tralalaa1225]

DD struggled at school, we had a lot going on at home and she only just about scraped through GGSEs. It was bloody hard work keeping her on track and she barely did any revision. However her love of Drama won her a scholarship at a local private school and I was really hoping focusing on fewer subjects would re ignite some passion for her subjects.

She is now in lower 6th and tbh I’m sick of the battles trying to get her engege with the courses. Even Drama no longer holds any interest for her. She has a part time job at our local pub which she shows much more motivation for but we have regular arguments over the hours she works. Both me, her Dad and school have raised concerns about the job impacting on her school work but she takes no notice.

I know fundamentally she wants to leave 6th form, she feels a failure academically and much more of a success in her job. TBH I am sick of the battles and am on the cusp of giving her the ok to leave. Feels such a failure though and that she would ultimately regret walking away.
My other worry is that she has failed Maths GCSE twice now and says the recent 3rd attempt wasn’t any better. What happens then with applying for jobs without Maths?

I have been called into school several times by concerned teachers who are doing their best to support her but at 17 it seems utterly ridiculous

Do I just stand back and let her make this huge decision or keep persevering with school?

There are many 16/17 year olds in employment, and nothing is done about it. Please don’t frighten people.

Of course she can't concentrate at school if she is working til 11pm the night before!

Its her first job, she wont stay there forever?

I dont understand the objection on here for kids/young adults to work. Study/college/apprenticeships dont suit everyone. For many many young people getting out int the world of work is right for them.

we have lost sight of that as a society. You can always study later on, you can study alongside work when you're emotionally ready for that. She isnt coping at school or in education, so why on earth would you be pushing that.

All the skills you set out show why she is right for what she wants to do right now, as she develops and matures she'll move on to something else, or join forces with someone else or go back to study when she is ready. In the meantime she will be far far more independent and mature than those who stick around at school. She is rightly growing up.

I'd let her drop out and carve out a career in the hospitality industry. Mainly because the courses she's doing (I assume drama related) aren't going to get her a highly-paid job anyway - the competition to get into acting, or any job in TV/Film/theatre is ridiculous, and if she's not that into it, then she won't get anywhere anyway. OTOH, as other PP have said about their own experiences, hospitality is not a minimum wage job once you start getting promoted into pub management. If she really enjoys it then she'll get promoted pretty quickly, and eventually manage a pub, hotel, management roles on cruise ships if she wants to travel - there are so many varied options and opportunities in the hospitality industry, it's a much better option than something drama related.

Wow, is that what you think of people who serve you in cafes and pubs?

What about the shop assistants who you're happy to utilise while they shlep round the aisle for you?

Offensive.

Point out to her that the private school scholarship is for now and once left that’s it. The pub will always be there. If she leaves school then she can pay back the scholarship herself. Ask the school what their terms are and see if there can be a monthly payment accepted. As she’ll be working then she’ll pay rent and contribution to bills and food.
If she stays She needs a maths qualification which means that she needs a tutor and to study. it’s only one more year and she should realise the luxury she has of getting her end of school exams passed.

She has found something she enjoys and is good at.
She could have a future in hospitality, be trained as bar manager... perhaps she could look at a training course in this.

Her wage could increase, some people can go on to do well in hospitality and retail. There are options for progression if someone wants it.

Please let her leave.

I was forced to go to a VI form I didn't want to and I wasn't allowed to leave. It was the worst 2 years of my life and put me in hospital and shot my mental health.

So what if she works in a pub for a couple of years, there is nothing wrong with that. It might be a lifetime thing, it might not.

You can get funding to resit maths at any age.

Let her just sort out who she is and what she wants.

I think I'd try to agree a plan together. Maybe sit down at the weekend and explain some of the excellent points on here (including the minimum wage and hours and a realistic look at budgeting). Id want to make sure she knew that I wasn't and wouldn't judge the choice the work in a pub/ hospitality but that she's damaging her chances to progress if that's what she wants later. For example I'm fairly sure she would need the equivalent of a maths GCSE for lots of jobs including managing in hospitality. Get her to think through what would make it bearable to stick it out. It feels a long time at that age doesn't it but she'd be finished pretty much this time next year.

And I'd be honest about the fact you'd have to pay the scholarship back and that you can't afford it. So she would have to contribute to that

Do you have a Weatherspoons near you? They train from within and she can outearn her university going peers, as well as having guaranteed employment. Qualifications and experience in hospitality will get you an Australian work visa, these days. You can still travel around and work as you go. Then there's the potential to own your own business. My DD signed up for race meets, football, festivals and concerts. The earnings were good and she enjoyed it. Life is a bit easier though, here in the NW. Bar work has a lot of transferable skills and involves cash handling. Many places pay more than NMW, for experienced Staff.

I agree that there’s lots to be potentially gained by a path in hospitality, but also think that whatever happens next should be discussed with the daughter and the terms laid out- if she drops out of school in order to work full time, she would be responsible for repaying the scholarship and for contributing to the household bills, plus all her own spending money. If she completes the two years of study (so really she has only another 8 months actually going to school) then she can keep her own money for spending and can live as a child in your home.

What a gross attitude you have. Don't pass it on to your kids

It is bloody hard to try and get teenagers to play the long game.
Could you get a private tutor to help her through her maths? This would be a great investment for whatever if she wants to do. Pubs are having a hard time right now, what would she do if her hours are cut?
Be stuborn with her, help her not waste what she has done so far at school where she has good support.

She has to be in employment, education or training. If she’s working, she can leave 6th form.

She can leave school. But still has to be in some form of education or training until she is 18. She can work a maximum of 20hrs/week whilst doing so.

OP, assuming that her scholarship isn't 100% of fees, then unless you give a whole term's notice of leaving school, you are likely still going to have to pay fees for the next term, even if DD isn't attending. And yes, likely have to pay the scholarship back as well.

As I and others have posted, YP aged 16-18 have to be in some kind of education or training. A job with an element of formal training (such as an apprenticeship) is fine; a job in a pub is not.

In practice as also mentioned, it is not followed up by anyone. But it is the case.

I would seriously consider looking into a diagnosis if you suspect she has ADHD and look into medication, if deemed appropriate. Even though school has been supportive, it doesn’t change neurodiversity and everything she does in life will be much harder if it goes untreated.

With ADHD, you can’t pick and choose what you can focus on.

Getting a diagnosis won’t be easy, and you may have to go private, but it will make a massive difference in her life.

I hated school post 16, I was fed up, not engaged, and only went to make my parents happy. I was miserable and ended up dropping out 6 months before I finished 6th form. Spent a year working & saving then went travelling. Best thing I ever did tbh!

When I got back I did distance learning and got 2 A levels, then went on to study a vocational course at college a few years later, then went to uni as a mature student and now I have a degree in a subject I’m really passionate about.

I just wasn’t ready at the time and no amount of forcing me would have made it work. Let her figure out her own path, she’ll get there 😊

You really can't force someone to learn. It's pointless. She's just not cut out for it.

If she enjoys hospitality she could do an apprenticeship or training. With Brexit there's a huge shortage of staff in hospitality so she could make a career of it.

It's more important that she has a job and is motivated by it that she can build a career in, than qualifications she has to struggle and suffer for.

Look at all the students who went to Uni, acquired a ton of debt and are no further on and can't get a job like the ond your daughter has walked into.

I started working at 17 for Domino’s pizza ended up quitting college because I wasn’t engaged and would rather work. I went to college at 26 and graduated with a nursing degree at 31. Education doesn’t have to be linear and it’s something that can always be gone back too. Let her work and figure out what she wants from life.

Maybe look at doing functional skills maths at college? My son struggled at GCSE and did this as an alternative. It's the equivalent of the GCSE qualification.

To be honest, if I were in the same position I would allow my child to work but on the agreement that they get their maths qualification, however that may be.
She has so many years ahead of her to decide what to do with her life and to go to college/uni. Maybe she just needs time to find herself.

I have a fairly academic group of friends, we all did A Levels and went to uni, expect for one. She very soon realized A Levels were not for her and left college. She has done fine in life! Had a number of jobs and progressed in life, and currently has a good job with above average pay.

Your DD can always go back ti studying if it feels right. I also had a friend who took a couple of years out between GCSE and A level which is quite unusual but she just couldn’t focus on studying at the time. She went on to get A levels, a degree and a Masters.

My DD, now 21, left in year 12 (against my wishes) to start an accounting apprenticeship. She hadn't had to sit her gcses due to covid lockdown and I think she found getting back into the swing of school very difficult. 18 months into the 2 year course she quit that too, I was livid! However, she went to work at a local pub and being totally honest I was devastated that she thought this was a sensible choice. 2 years on, she is assistant manager of a large pub, which is part of a small local chain, earning a similar wage to me and thriving!

Happy to stand corrected and it was the best choice she's made so far. I think if they are happy theyll do well and I hope to be more open minded with my younger 3 when it comes to career choices!

Edited to add: I was super academic and genuinely enjoy learning, so I think I struggled to understand how anyone could not be the same to start with.

Let her continue working and earning. For a person who tells herself she's a failure, doing well at a job she enjoys and gets her some money must be good for her self esteem and confidence.

Meanwhile, she needs to be in some education until she's 18.

Are there any training courses that might be more practical, more engaging for her? It's only a few months, really.

www.acas.org.uk/young-workers-and-work-experience