To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

[tralalaa1225]

DD struggled at school, we had a lot going on at home and she only just about scraped through GGSEs. It was bloody hard work keeping her on track and she barely did any revision. However her love of Drama won her a scholarship at a local private school and I was really hoping focusing on fewer subjects would re ignite some passion for her subjects.

She is now in lower 6th and tbh I’m sick of the battles trying to get her engege with the courses. Even Drama no longer holds any interest for her. She has a part time job at our local pub which she shows much more motivation for but we have regular arguments over the hours she works. Both me, her Dad and school have raised concerns about the job impacting on her school work but she takes no notice.

I know fundamentally she wants to leave 6th form, she feels a failure academically and much more of a success in her job. TBH I am sick of the battles and am on the cusp of giving her the ok to leave. Feels such a failure though and that she would ultimately regret walking away.
My other worry is that she has failed Maths GCSE twice now and says the recent 3rd attempt wasn’t any better. What happens then with applying for jobs without Maths?

I have been called into school several times by concerned teachers who are doing their best to support her but at 17 it seems utterly ridiculous

Do I just stand back and let her make this huge decision or keep persevering with school?

I left school and college with no maths gcse (school wouldn't teach me, and college just did basic life skills maths, and managed to get into the civil service aged 19. I however did have English GCSE which I resat during college. I re-took a GCSE maths course later in life and got a grade C.
If she's struggling academically, maybe just let her work full time at the pub and do a part time college course for english and maths?

3 options

1. stay in school and knuckle down
2. quit and work full time (rent/board/bills will be x per month)
3. alternative training or vocational qualification - bed/board reduced/waived if she attends and commits.

I didn’t grow up in social housing. I grew up in a place I would never subject myself or my children to. When I grew older I found my experience was not unique. Poor people live in housing that they have no choice over. I’m talking mouldy, structurally falling apart, dusty & dirty (because it’s falling apart). I knew a lady who worked in real estate who witnessed people living in properties that had no internal water source. I’ve heard of people living in corrugated iron shacks with holes in the walls and furniture completely dilapidated.

I absolutely will.

Well you will have brought up children with equally disgusting views good on you 👍🏼

I told OP to let her DD do it. I never said to force her into education. Maybe read what I wrote again

It may be the answer to let your DD work and then go back to training later. You cannot make her stay in school
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I am a firm believer in part time jobs but my DD has ADHD and I know the job would become her whole focus, to the detriment of school

Fair enough but you implied if she chooses this path she won’t do much else

A high level of support doesn’t treat ADHD, she may need medication to help her concentrate, make her feel like she’s not constantly failing, and help her not lose interest in things (which is classic ADHD). If she leaves to do the pub job, she’ll probably lose interest in that.

She needs an assessment so you can rule that out being the issue (or treat if it is ADHD) before making huge life decisions.that may make her life worse in the longer term

Can you afford a private assessment? NHS will take far too long at this stage. I would be pushing that rather than just having in college for something that is likely just the next temporary thing to hold her interest.

she Has got GCSEs though, OP says she scraped through her gcse’s but failed maths. I know someone who failed their maths as well and had good jobs through connections and then went to night school to retake her maths and then the following year do an evening course to become a teacher. She’s in her early 40’s and to be honest I think the vast majority are in jobs because they’ve fallen into them rather than specifically chosen. I think that knowledge only comes later with experience.

You may have to just let her do what she wants OP.

it may not end up being a total disaster.

there’s no way that you’d have got me doing A levels or going to uni at your dds age. I left school at 16 and worked. Then went to college at 18 but fell pregnant and dropped out immediately. Ok, that all sounds kind of bleak, but really it isn’t.

i worked hard. Brought a house at 20 did a degree in my 30s and now have a professional career. I just needed to do things in my own time and way. I also never got an English GCSE but did functional skills as an adult which was enough to get into uni where I got first class honours. Not doing classically well at this age isn’t always the end of the world. Maybe she just needs to work for a few years to figure herself out.

If she does drop out to go full time, perhaps she could work her way up? Do they have supervisors/managers at her pub? The money is probably appealing to her more than study, I remember putting more effort into my weekend Primark job at times than I did my A Levels because of the money, although I had to do my A Levels too!

My motto is as long as they are happy xx

@Kath89 Well yes, you want them to be happy, but if they find themselves unable to pay their bills in a few years, they probably won't be. The OP's DD needs some sort of plan.