To let DD leave 6th form to work in a pub!

[tralalaa1225]

DD struggled at school, we had a lot going on at home and she only just about scraped through GGSEs. It was bloody hard work keeping her on track and she barely did any revision. However her love of Drama won her a scholarship at a local private school and I was really hoping focusing on fewer subjects would re ignite some passion for her subjects.

She is now in lower 6th and tbh I’m sick of the battles trying to get her engege with the courses. Even Drama no longer holds any interest for her. She has a part time job at our local pub which she shows much more motivation for but we have regular arguments over the hours she works. Both me, her Dad and school have raised concerns about the job impacting on her school work but she takes no notice.

I know fundamentally she wants to leave 6th form, she feels a failure academically and much more of a success in her job. TBH I am sick of the battles and am on the cusp of giving her the ok to leave. Feels such a failure though and that she would ultimately regret walking away.
My other worry is that she has failed Maths GCSE twice now and says the recent 3rd attempt wasn’t any better. What happens then with applying for jobs without Maths?

I have been called into school several times by concerned teachers who are doing their best to support her but at 17 it seems utterly ridiculous

Do I just stand back and let her make this huge decision or keep persevering with school?

How were you able to restrict them when they are technically adults/ over 16? Did you ring the pub and complain?

No no no, remember if she leaves she is an independent adult, she will need to factor in paying that back not you.

OP, you say she might have ADHD..... please get her assessed. The meds really work - I've just started them.

I would do what I could to encourage her to stick with school.

I'd put it that the scholarship is a once in a lifetime opportunity that if she leaves she loses. The job in the pub will still be there in a years time when she leaves school. I would also do as pp have suggested and run the numbers with her. Working in a pub for spending money is completely different to working in a pub to feed/house yourself.

What was her ambition with the drama? Do you think she's realised that most drama graduates are out of work actors working in hospitality and she's lost hope of being successful with the drama?

Are there any friendship issues? It can be hard to join a new school at sixth form, particularly as a scholarship student who's having to resit GCSE maths.

This was my initial thought too. Has she ever been assessed by SEN staff at her school?

I left school slightly early at 17. I'd had a hard time and needed to just do what I needed to do.

I went to work in a warehouse, no intention of studying to my parents horror.

Got a job in the office, was put through several apprenticeships and eventually got a diploma in business studies. Still at the same company, well paid and doing great.

Sometimes you just need to figure out your path! She's very young.

Same. I left school at 15 with nothing in 2010 and am autistic. Wasn’t diagnosed until my mid twenties.

Hmm I think you should do your best to encourage her to stay but ultimately her choice

You'll have to help her realise the realities of this e.g. paying board or even looking for somewhere to live alone.

If she is struggling to pass her basic exams, why are you letting her work so many hours? She could be spending that time revising or even working with a tutor?

I think she’s working too many hours, I didn’t let DD (20) work that much while she was at school and DS (16) won’t be either. Just say no, she needs to focus on her education for one more year at least. If she can stick it out at her current school, great; if not, she can look at other educational opportunities.

I agree with others saying that talking to her about the realities as she gets older and wants to move out. What she’s earning may seem a lot right now, but it won’t go so far when she’s covering household bills, etc.

Also, she should think about where she sees herself in five, maybe 10 years. A friend’s DD (20) went to college and got some qualifications, but she’s decided not to pursue that career path now. She’s also working in a pub, has been for about two years. She’s OK, but isn’t really moving forward in her life.

Talk to your DD about her longer term goals and then she can come up with ways to achieve them.

Agreed. £1200 of pocket money is A LOT. £1200 when you have to factor in rent, council tax, utilities, transportation, and food—not so much.

No longer true and hasn't been for a decade now (assuming OP is based in England.

.https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

You have to be doing some form of "training" alongside paid work. Though to be honest I'm not sure how well enforced this rule actually is!

What a privilege to get a scholarship and what a waste to throw that away to work in a pub. I think she needs to stick to it, it's a good life lesson too. What's her plan after working in the pub? What she chooses to do now is basically the start of the rest of her life. I'm assuming she doesn't ant to work in a pub forever? In saying that if she enjoys it and is good at it, then it could be something to pursue later

Leave school at 16 - yes.
Leave education or training completely at 16 - no.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raising_of_school_leaving_age_in_England_and_Wales

I would imagine you would. How much would that be?

She is now on track to fail I would think and lack of maths might be a big issue. At this point i think all you can do is sit her down and work through the options. She stays at school, puts her head down for a year and reduces work or she quits school and works, pays rent and for all her bills so phone etc. actually laying out the reality of working and costs might make her think twice.

My DH and best friend left college to ‘work in a pub’, they hated every second of education. They’ve both got excellent jobs in the hospitality sector, earning circa £60k+ a year. Neither of them have A levels, my husband just 3/4 GCSEs (not maths) They love their jobs and have a whole host of transferable skills.

I went to school, college, uni. Still in education now. Nearing the top of my game- will not earn what they earn!

Edited to say you can do in house apprenticeships in hospitality.

can you find a private maths tutor?

If ADHD is suspected look at Right to Choose options for testing offering the smallest wait time. It really is better to know and preferably before the free years of education run out.

Mixing A levels and diplomas is not for everyone- they are completely different learning styles. I would be looking for a drama based diploma or advanced diploma the equivalent of 2 or 3 a levels at a local college in your shoes. It will be a more consistent learning style, hopefully hold DD’s interest and there should be enough slack in the timetable to work a reasonable number of hours too.

I left college to work in a pub and morrisons when I was 18. But that was 20 years ago and I was able to move out on my wage. Its just not an option anymore. Easily anyway. I'd push her to do a vocational qualification if she really doesn't want to continue

You should take her on a tour of social housing and show her her future if she continues on her current path.

If my child(ren) step out of line I’ve always intended to take them on a tour of where I grew up. It was hell.

Thing is she clearly has a good work ethic and can earn well in hospitality so why that approach, seems very random and rude to people in housing whatever their circumstances it’s not always because they haven tried!!

I would worry that as soon as she hits 18 they will want to pay someone aged 16/17 instead of her because she costs too much. We saw it with Ds's mates whilst in sixth form. It was well known so everyone would calculate when they would be cut from the rota.

The thing about working shifts is if your mates are in your pub all having a great time socialising and you can't stop to chat because you are working.

As above, £1200 when you are living at home is a lot of money, that doesn't go anywhere once you want to move out. She has been given this opportunity of the scholarship and she does need her maths GCSE. There are many adults now having to resit it because lots of jobs now require it.

I would be encouraging her to stay on at sixth form.

Is the pub part of a big chain? If so, can they offer her an apprenticeship?

I would look up training / apprenticeships in the hospitality industry.

She has found something she enjoys and is good at, it will never be exceptionally well paid but then what else could she be heading for?

And there are other jobs with a similar vibe, working with the public, in a team etc.