Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Sounds like it was planned he just didn’t tell you the plans.
His plans were free accommodation, free housekeeper and free childcare.

This. He is a GROWN ASS MAN, not a toddler. He is more than capable of sorting something out but if you just go and hide in your bedroom while his son destroys your house, do you honestly think he will ever leave? No sense of responsibility for his son, no job, no nothing. He saw you coming a mile away. How can you be in love with such a feckless cocklodger???

If you don't feel safe getting him to leave, call the police. Don't give him till tomorrow, if he realises you are serious you'll get pleading puppy dog eyes and false apologies then he'll act like a shit again. Police. Now. Him. Out.

And the son will probably be back with his mum faster than you can say eviction!

I'll say to you what I said to another poster in your position Op, no man should ever move into your home unless he's invited. When a man moves himself in no good EVER comes of it. I know you had hopes of a long term relationship but that's not going to happen Op, this man is all about himself and his DC, he thinks you have no say in your own home. He needs to leave, if he won't go call the police- don't be a mug, he'll take advantage

I totally get that and it seems OP does to but that’s not what her post is about, she never said she wasn’t willing to ever be a stepmother she said she isn’t ready to have the son living with i. HER home now that she PAYS for and she does not have to be, she also said she’s unhappy how it happened and how it’s going. They have not even made the decision to live together yet yet alone be a live in stepmother/carer to his son.

You are the only person who doesn’t seem to grasp what is happening. You keep repeating the horrors like it bewilders you. Stop! You are the only person who can save yourself.

Why did his accommodation fall through yesterday? Did/does he have a deposit? How was he planning to pay rent if he is unemployed? You really need your ask yourself some serious questions here.

She isn't a step-parent. She didn't even know his son before her partner, unilaterally with no discussion, moved himself and his son into OP's home.

She probably can't have her partner now without his child, but what he has done is so awful, she will be much better off without him.

OP you really need to stop telling us how horrible this all is, we all agree 100%.
You now need to fix it, tell yourself to pull up your big girl pants and tell him he's not living in your house anymore. Good luck

Where is the child's mother in all this? A six year old doesn't get to decide they don't want to go home. She must be out of her mind with worry if he has unilaterally decided this.

He needs kicking to the kerb. And the child needs proper parenting from his parents.

You need to end the relationship. If you're not prepared to live with a child, don't live with a parent.

If you ring the police to remove him should he come back, you might find that they are already aware of the child having been kept away from home anyway and be very pleased to find out where he is.

Do you realise his Mum is probably going out of her mind that this boy hasn't been returned to his home and school?

Or do you believe whatever bullshit he's told you about his ex?

He's massively taking advantage and assuming you won't turf him and his DS out on the street. He's not a good man.

Really the relationship is over. How do you carry on with someone who is happy to fuck you over? I would kick him out, he'll plead he has nowhere to go, but you'd be amazed. There'll be someone he can impose on.

What a nightmare. Hope you get your sanctuary back soon.

No OP is fully aware of what's happening. Lots of posters on here being all "you knew he had a son you should have expected you might have to live with him" while totally ignoring the fact that OP's partner isn't even supposed to be living with her himself.

My landlord isn’t going to tell me I can’t have someone stay the night in a house that’s dramatic. Nobody is going to be living here with me full time so my lease is still only to me. Trust me I’m not going to allow this situation full time right now I just feel absolutely stuck and don’t know what to do

You need your space.

Your partner needs to support his son.

The two things aren't compatible, so surely he's about to become an ex-partner?

Unemployed and homeless Jesus, he saw you coming didn’t they? The child’s mother is probably in on this

You’re stuck because you’re sat in your bedroom titting about on MN instead of locking the door and putting their stuff outside. Come on. You’re not this pathetic!

Everyone had told you what to do.
Stop trying to be the nice guy when he's speaking to you like crap And putting you in a horrible situation. You can be the bad guy is his eyes and that's OK.

Well, so far 178 people have told you what to do which part of that is not Landing ?

This almost feels like cuckooing the way this man has just moved himself and his son in without asking and has just taken over her home as if it belongs to him.

I would ask him to leave and if he refuses, call the police.

@Feelinglost10
So he's stormed out, did he take the dc with him?
If so, lock the door and don't let them back in, he'll have no choice but to take his ds back to ds dm's house to live.
This is your chance to force his hand.
Probably sounds cruel but his ds is not homeless and you're not making his ds homeless, he can go home to his dm.
As for your "d"p, not your problem.

You need tell him to find an hotel or Airbnb as you can no longer have him staying in your house. You say you love him, OP, but he obviously thinks very little if you to treat you this way.

Why do you feel stuck Op? You can finish with him and ask him to leave surely? What are you stuck on?

OP you have been given lots of good advice in this thread but don’t appear to be listening. This why me attitude is probably the reason you have ended up in this situation. Pull your big girl pants up and tell him to leave, now, any problems ring the police, he can take his son back home neither of them are your problem

You don’t know what to do?

Really?!